Helping My Brother Dylan With His Top Surgery

Hi everyone,

I am launching this Go Fund Me on behalf of my brother, Dylan. Dylan will be getting top surgery this January. He is financing the surgery partially with savings and the rest in medical debt. The amounts for the surgery include $7,830 owed before January 4th, $870 for a deposit he has already paid, travel and lodging costs, and income loss. Originally, Dylan was intending to rely on disability income to cover his recovery period. Even then, he would have been out 70% of his income over a 4 week period, given the mandated 2 week wait period for coverage and the fact disability only provides 60% of income for the subsequently covered weeks. However, he recently was recruited by UVM and accepted their job offer, unaware in so doing this would put him outside of disability coverage for both jobs with his surgery already scheduled. If Dylan requires help, it is principally for income loss, which will be very difficult to manage on top of his savings depletion, this new medical debt for the surgery compounded by his student loan debt, and the normal expenses of his life, including rent and food. Without income during this time, Dylan will draw down his savings completely and have difficulty relocating to Burlington for his new position post-surgery.

Dylan has been ambivalent about turning to crowd funding. I had suggested it tentatively as a way he might accomplish his needs, assuring him people would want to help and that he should not be concerned about being among the many in need of financial help in today’s healthcare regime. Of course, Dylan knows this. Being a nurse, he sees this every day. Still, Dylan, whom I love dearly, my elder brother, has spent most of his life fighting to be self-reliant, and I respect him for this — his integrity, his honesty, his desire to be of service to others, and his perseverance despite obstacles and difficulty.

The other month he came to me and asked me about crowdfunding. He was deeply concerned about managing costs, income loss, and debt. I love my brother, my brother gives so much, but I think it is difficult for him to receive help. I know, of course, of the many people he has touched throughout his life, and throughout my family’s network, there are plenty of people who would be happy to turn this love back to him. Of course, I empathize— I know how hard it is to admit you need help, let alone to accept it. Nobody can do this alone, and surely nobody should spend their life only giving and never receiving. Historically, Dylan is someone who gives, but today he needs support.

My brother Dylan came out to me when he was 16-17 as being attracted to women. At the time, he had not- I think- found the words for his trans-ness. When he came to me, he told me he had to tell me something important. We were outside the garage of our parent’s house in Idaho Falls, Idaho. I was 13. He kind of danced around what he had to say and, eventually, I asked, “are you attracted to women?” He asked me how I knew. I came out to him as gay myself, and I think he might have been the first person I told. We laughed. I told him it was probably something to do with how obsessed he was with Mariska Hargitay, Angelina Jolie, and Milla Jovovich…

About 7-8 years later I was on the light rail in Minneapolis headed back from work. Dylan called me and I answered. He did the same thing— something to tell me, but ambivalent and roundabout in pronouncing. Much like that exchange years before, I told him then, “I know you are a man.” He asked me again how I knew. Of course I knew— I pay attention to my brother. My brother is someone who has cared for me. He is someone I respect. He is someone I have watched fight against a great deal to become who he is. He has shown me great love and support.

It has been another 8 years. In that time, Dylan has been on HRT and using a binder. He has navigated a lot of obstacles in coming out as trans—from issues in his nursing program to fighting for stable healthcare and consistent treatment. Dylan worked a part time job while full time in his nursing program. Of course, like many, he took on a great deal more in student loan debt for his second degree. Graduating in 2019 cum laude, he took a job at a poorly funded rural ER in Vermont. Then the pandemic hit and, as a new nurse in an already intense field, he was contending with profoundly difficult conditions.

Dylan works very hard for his patients. He is adamant people should receive good care regardless of their circumstance. He cares deeply for the elderly, the disabled, addicts, the poor and working class, queer folk, women, and people of color, and has told me very difficult stories about problems of receiving care contingent these populations. Moreover, how he has fought professionally to honor their needs in a problem space of care that might quickly jade the most confident and optimistic young healthcare worker. He is tireless in his efforts and took on the imperatives of this pandemic in stride, only 8 months into his new position.

Dylan makes better money now than he did when he was younger and fighting to get by. There have been gradual shifts with him, reckoning with mental health early on in his life, coming out as trans, and identifying his goals in his mid 20s that had him return to college for a second degree in nursing (just as our mother did almost 40 years ago!). Still, the costs of this procedure are high even for someone quite comfortable, which Dylan is not. He has savings, which he will be dedicating partly to the surgery, but the remainder will be financed with credit and one of his major concerns in this process is loss of income from the recovery period.

Dylan’s surgery is scheduled for January 25th, 2022. He will be unable to work for at least 2 weeks afterward— more likely 4. Dylan, I know, will be trying to return to work right away. Of course his new position at UVM does not commence until the end of February. Presently, he is facing medical debt, depleted savings, and 5 weeks of full income loss due to the lack of disability coverage.

I am launching this Go Fund Me to help Dylan, at least, ensure he is not out any income for his recovery period and might cover expenses for travel and lodging during his surgery. We have calculated this amount at $900/week over 5 weeks for income and $1,000 for travel and lodging expenses for Dylan and my mother, who will be taking time off work, traveling, and caring for him. Dylan is putting more than half of his savings toward his surgery. The remaining $4,000 will be financed through debt. He is ambivalent about seeking crowdfunding help for the procedure itself. I respect that, but decided to proceed with Go Fund Me in the event his goal might be exceeded because people want to contribute more and help him with the surgery cost. In this scenario, I would be happy to see him helped without having to ask… I want my brother to be shown the kind of love he has shown his family, his friends, his community, and those in his care.

I have wanted Dylan to be able to get this surgery for a long time. I have seen how difficult it is for him throughout his life to not see his body reflect his gender. When I visit Vermont next Summer, I want to be able to go swimming with him and not have him concerned about the presence of others. There’s a lot I know that has made this hard for him, but I often think of that… I want my brother to be able to go swimming without concern people he does not know will see him in his binder.

This Go Fund Me is dedicated to the $4,500 of income loss and $1,000 to cover travel and lodging associated with the surgery, but if we can exceed that goal and help him with the $4,000 in medical debt he will be taking out, matching his savings contribution, that would be great. Anything you can give, we, his family, would be grateful. Please feel free to share Dylan’s story with your network!

God Bless.

- Kevin, the Mulvey siblings, and our mother, Kathleen O’Reilly