Honoring Kae'den Thomas Waterfield-Smith

It says introduce myself, describe the importance to you...but how do you put into words this pain I feel behind losing my precious baby boy? How do I convey the pain behind waking up every morning expecting to hear him cooing or crying and instead I come face to face with the reality that I'll never hear that again. And every morning my heart breaks all over again as I relive that tragic day over and over again.

Kae'den Thomas, was brought into this world with his identical twin brother Grayden Leon on July 31, 2023. He was born premature, not being due til September 10. However even in utero Kae'den had a battle before him, in the womb doctors declared him Fetal Growth Restricted, and also noted improper formations of his aortic valve on his heart. Meaning he wouldn't grow anymore past where he was at 30 weeks and that he didn't have the strongest heart and if not delivered immediately it could end fatally for both babies and mom. But this never stopped my baby.

From the day Kae'den and Grayden entered this world, I knew they were warriors. The name Kae'den actually means warrior, which is why I named him that. I knew they had a hell of a fight ahead of them but I knew I'd never leave their sides and we'd do this together as a family.

Kae'den had a hard time in the hospital, he couldn't breathe on his own, couldn't eat on his own, he struggled but he never gave up. And eventually he got stronger. My little 3 pound baby soon became a 4 pounder, then 5 pounder, then 6 pounder upon their discharge. After 37 days in that god forsaken NICU my babies finally were able to come home. But their struggles didn't end when we left that hospital.

The boys came home and immediately got sick, Parainfluenza they called it. Then sick again, this time RSV, Rhino Virus and Parainfluenza #4. And then sick again, bronchiolitis this time. And then again, Covid this time. And then again, RSV and Pneumonia the last time.

They struggled so hard and so much, felt like every other day we were at CHKD or their Drs or the ER. They were always so terribly sick it used to break my heart just seeing them so miserable after having such a rough few months of life to begin with.

Then the unthinkable happened, we had just left our latest round of ER visits just 6 days before, Grayden had positively tested for RSV and upon a chest X-ray they discovered he had pneumonia as well. However, for Kae'den little to no care was given, they were convinced he was fine and refused to do an X-ray or anything to alleviate my baby's symptoms, I tried to reason with them and their normal doctors that week as well and no one would listen to me. I tried so hard but it fell on deaf ears. A mere 6 days later my baby passed away from complications of RSV and pneumonia (of course these are preliminary answers until we get the full in depth signed report, but what I was told from the ME), I was told he fought till his last breath, when his heart couldn't take it anymore and my poor precious sweet-souled baby went into cardiac arrest and passed away. In a mere few minutes my precious baby was gone. And my world turned upside down. I performed CPR for what felt like forever, I still can't get that imagine of his lifeless self out my head. I prayed so hard but again it all fell on deaf ears.

God saw fit to take my baby, so he did. I try to find comfort in knowing he's not suffering anymore but all comfort is lost the moment I hold his brother Grayden and stare into his eyes and see the same little baby I just lost. My whole world breaks all over knowing I should be holding two not one. I can't pretend to understand why or how it's all I ask these days, but unfortunately it's an answer I feel I may never find.

Through all this my resolve has broken; watching your 5 year old son try to grasp that their little brother is an angel now, or your 4 year old daughter search the house over and over and not understand why there's one baby not two, or your 5 month old son experience depression because his bonded soul twin is now gone, watching all that will destroy any resolve you may have had left. I feel like nothingness right now, I feel broken in a way words can't describe, I just want my baby back, I just want to hold him and kiss him and this nightmare to end. But unfortunately it's just begun.

As I quickly realized, death isn't meant for grieving, I've faced so many hard and fast decisions that I've had to make in these last few days, funeral arrangements, to organ donation answers, to ME results, to lawyer consultations. All of it has just piled up on top of me, as if my whole world wasn't just ripped from me. A mere 4 days after losing a piece of my heart and soul, I had to return to work for worry's of now funeral costs and services and loss of power or eviction for my kids and I. Between them being sick and now this, I've missed so much work and fallen on even harder times than I knew possible. It's just been so much, and as a grieving mother I just want to curl up and disappear but I can't because my babies need me. But I can't help to feel its not fair. My family and I are hurting and struggling. I don't know what to do or who to turn to, but I know I, well we, need help.

So I'm asking all of you, friends, family, community members, those who loved Kae'den and/or our family, and strangers who just feel compassion for our situation, I'm asking all of you for help right now, to bring my baby the peace and justice he needs, to help lay him to rest in a dignified manner as he deserves. One dollar or a hundred dollars it all helps and we appreciate every last penny anyone gives to honoring our sweet baby Kae'den.

My words are running dry as my tears are flowing hard and heavy now, I just can't believe I'm writing this for my precious baby, and I truly hope all this makes sense, lord knows I'm a mess right now, but truly thankful to each and everyone of you that has helped, spoken words of encouragement, been here, messaged or sent donations for our babies. It means more than I can say at this moment.

Knowing Kae'den was so loved has brought some comfort to my soul. I appreciate you all, I will update everyone on arrangements and dates. Please continue to pray for me and Bryan and our family as we try to navigate the worst time in our lives.

Thank you all very much .

Kae'den is on the inside, Grayden is on the outside, last picture I have of my boys together