Honoring Mr. Westbrook's Last Wish

On January 4, 2018, my father, James Cassin Westbrook, passed away from melanoma which had spread to other organs in his body.  There were no outward indicators of the cancer which is why it took us all by such surprise.  Despite having taught his last semester class earlier in December, he went to the hospital on December 31, 2017 and then remained there to the end.  I was lucky enough to be by his side in the hospital.  He was very lucid at times and during one of these periods, I promised him that I would take care of my mother.  He breathed out, "oh good...that was my biggest concern.  I love her so much but am so worried as to what will become of her."  I promised him with all my heart that I would ensure she was provided for and that he could be at peace with this knowledge.  Now, I am asking for help so that I may keep this promise to him.   

For those who do not know, my mother suffers from rheumatoid arthritis.  Several years ago, it degraded to the point where my mother had to be confined to a wheelchair.  My father became her primary caretaker - feeding, bathing, assisting her with her commode needs, taking her to her appointments and to some of their favorite outdoor activities.  The loss of my father has hit my mother in several areas - first and foremost being the emotional loss.  My parents were married for 41 years.  They meant everything to each other.  I have rarely (if ever) seen my father cry before this, but at one point he began talking about my mother and he began to cry saying, "I just miss her so much."  We were able to get her to see him one last time while he was lucid so they could say their proper goodbyes and for that I will always be grateful, but I know his loss will be felt always. 

My father's passing also hits her in a quality of life way since she no longer has her primary caregiver.  My life and work are in Maryland as is my significant other's but my mother, from a long  time ago (confirmed again recently), always said she could never move out there because of the weather - that it would be too physically painful for her.  We are considering moving her down to Mexico where she has family members and where her dollars will go further, but I am concerned about accessability issues for her.  She is also a U.S. citizen and I want her to receive the best medical care that she can.  

Finally, my father's passing has hit her financially.  She will be receiving his social security but it means she will be losing her own as she can only receive one.  My father, though 83 years old, was a teacher to the end and brought in extra money this way.  My mother will no longer be receiving that.  I and my boyfriend of course will assist as we can, but the reality is that I work as a nonprofit attorney assisting immigrant survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.  I have a large amount of student debt that I contend with and have to pay off every month so I am left in a poor boat to pay for  my mother's needs.  To





make things worse, my father left his finances in a little bit of chaos so trying to figure out what bills are owed and get access to his account to pay them is proving a herculean task.

I hate to ask for this, especially at a time like this when all I want to do is focus on our loss and grief, but I promised my father and I am so worried for my mother right now.  My father was an amazing man.  He was a teacher for over 50 years.  He always put others ahead of himself and he has given so much and loved his students, family, friends, and his fellow man to the greatest extent possible.  I ask for any support that can be provided for my mother's care and peace of mind.  Thank you and God bless you.