Funding Therapy - Trauma and Recovery

Hello dear reader,

My name is Nicolas Klaczynski, I am 32 years old and currently live in northern England. I am humbly asking for your help regarding a steep decline in my personal mental and physical health, especially in the recent years.

What I am trying to achieve:

I have decided to start this fundraiser as a means to hopefully be able to afford much needed trauma therapy as well as to help with living expenses to allow me time to heal till I am able to stand on my own two feet.

The health service here covers only basic support for mental health related issues such as counseling, which is often accompanied by medication, but it is rarely if ever treating the root of what's causing so many people severe issues.

Furthermore, the waiting lists to be seen for a diagnosis regarding cognitive disorders that can result from these untreated problems, are roughly three to four years on average, or even worse.

On the other hand, the cost of living from rent to essential products has kept on rising to a point most people can't or can just barely afford them anymore. This on top has only made circumstances progressively dire, as rent alone, without considering water, electricity or council tax, is roughly 800+ pounds a month.

Ideally, depending on the amount raised, I will be able seek out help and improve my current living conditions.

Once I do, I would like to dedicate more of my time to help others and give back to my friends and the community that has been supportive of me and given me a place I felt welcome in.

Many of the people I know struggle as well and it is important that noone suffers alone and knows there are others who share similar experiences and have found a better way forward.

Who I am and how I got here:

I was born and raised in Germany before moving to the UK in my mid 20's.

From an early age onward, I struggled to fit in and was prone to being easily distracted and expressed myself in my own way, rather than adapting and going with what others around me did.

While I enjoyed the support of my parents as a child, I was subject to mental and physical abuse from as early on as elementary school by my peers.

At that age, I was unaware of what caused me to be made a target and I hoped that in time perhaps, people would mature and be tolerant enough to leave me be, rather than resorting to seemingly endless bullying.

As I grew older however, I had to realize that things wouldn't change and instead got worse as others got more daring and that those memories would wound me deeper than I initially thought.

I was sexually assaulted twice in my early teen years, blackmailed, had my parents divorce when I was 14 and continued to struggle in school as a result of the ongoing conflict. It became a daily torture and I had noone to turn to or support me during that time.

I had to put up with all of it until the end of college, shortly after which, my father re-married and wanted to move in with his soon to be wife, but I was told that there would be no place for me moving forward.

The only people who had at that point welcomed me for who I was and allowed me to figure my identity and my own sexuality out, were the friends I made online.

While it developed into a form of escapism, it showed me that there is hope and that there are people who accept me for who I am.

Likewise it had shown me that even though I made all these bad experiences, I can share my story and help them through empathy and being able to relate to similar situations.

I made the decision to move to England, seeing that I had to move out either way, and was lucky enough to be able to meet some of the people whom I've been in contact with for many years at that point and found shelter with the family of a close friend of mine.

That brought its own challenges along with it, and while having distanced myself from the place that hurt me deeply helped, very few of them actually healed.

Brexit and Corona both followed after my move, which made living here increasingly difficult, although I have received full settled status, now having stayed in the UK for over 9 years.

We did manage to move out together a while ago, now being on our own in a slightly quieter environment, although my health hasn't improved much since then... and now here I am.

What is troubling me:

I keep feeling conflicted, suffer from depression and at points had self harming tendencies or thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts and a lack of energy often accompany me every day and while I can manage that for the most part, it prevents me from functioning properly, especially in working conditions.

Likely, I am also having neurodivergent in some way, although due to the long waiting lists, I am yet to actually receive any confirmation.

I have tried counseling before and took medication for an extended period (antidepressants), but that hasn't fixed my issues and merely kept it from escalating further for a while.

I have also attempted to get some clarity regarding my parents and their divorce as both have used me as a messenger for their own conflict over who's responsibility I am, resulting in neither willing to lend any aid.

A visit about a month ago has only worsened the rift between us and my mother attempted to guilt trip me into psychiatric care in germany using a non-liscensed therapist to speak on her behalf.

The attempt to see them and mend things was a desperate move and it costed me most of what little savings I had left and I was denied any financial aid from them unless I agreed to stay in germany and cut ties with the people I considered my chosen family.

Furthermore, some of my personal belongings that I took with me are yet to find their way back to me, first resulting in insanely high customs charges for what is essentially a few roughly 10 year old clothes and now not being delivered despite having paid the necessary fees.

What I want all you to know:

... Is that I am deeply grateful.

Regardless if you choose to read this story, share it, or donate, thank you for taking some of your time and allowing me to share a little bit about myself with you.

There are many more people out there in need, big or small causes that need support, that all deserve to be heard, so I don't want to take any of this for granted.

I don't have a big media presence myself, nor would consider myself anyone special, but if I may ask one thing of you, then it is to spread awareness where needed, so our stories aren't unheard or forgotten, because knowing you are not alone out there is what sometimes helps the most.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all and continue to be kind to each other.