Financial space for Michel Fijn's family after his passing

First of all we want to thank everyone who has been sending their love, help, financial support or other kind of support. We have felt so carried during this last year. We are so immensely grateful for that because it is a lot to deal with on your own.

About a year ago they found a large tumor in the center of my brain which turned out to be an aggressive cancer called Glioblastoma grade 4. This turned our quiet, simple family life in rural Portugal upside down. Immediate surgery had to be done. They were able to remove about 90% of the tumour, but some parts were already grown with the brain and couldn’t be removed. After surgery, half of my body was paralysed and I ended up in a wheelchair.

My life changed from working as a graphic designer&art director, creating nice spaces on our land, spending time with my two boys and wife at our peaceful home in Alentejo to; going in and out of hospitals, getting treatments like radiation and chemotherapy and a sudden need for caretakers and physiotherapy. On top of that there were so many things to arrange. It was a rollercoaster, and still is. No money was coming in and a lot was going out.

This is when my friend Roshan (and caretaker at the time) set up a crowdfunding. We are so grateful for that because this got us through the first year.

During the second part of my treatment I could stay home and take chemo pills every 4 weeks. In the beginning they made me very nauseous and I lost a lot of weight, but after two months this was under control.

It was so healing to be home. To sit outside surrounded by trees, hear the birds, feel the sun on my skin and breathe fresh air never felt better.

I was doing a lot of fysio, exercising as much as I could and started walking short distances with a stick. Slowly I started to feel stronger and healthy again.

That is why the results of the last MRI came as such a surprise.

Just before Christmas the MRI showed a second tumour growing on the other side of the brain.

I immediately had to stop with the chemo protocol I was doing and start a new treatment, but the success rate of that treatment is only 30%.

Unfortunately I was not one of this 30%. Already after some weeks my condition was worsening. An emergency MRI showed that both tumours had grown.

Eventually I decided together with Erin to stop all medical treatments.

This means I will have only a few months more in this body, which is a hard pill to swallow having two young boys, but it was a decision from the heart. This way I can spend my last moments at home with my family and friends. No more hospital stress and chemicals in my body.

It feels like my path in this life is made clear, I am done fighting, I am going to flow with it.

Still we are not with fear. It feels like being with our teacher Mooji for about ten years now, has prepared us for this. We fully trust that whatever will happen is what needs to happen for all of us. We trust in the flow of life, being life itself.

We are grateful for the time we have had so far, to be able to go through whatever comes up, together as a family. To enjoy every day still to come. To go through all emotions together, to talk about wishes for the last breaths. It is all part of letting go. Still we believe that a miracle may happen at any moment.

Yet ‘hoping’ for a certain outcome to all of this has been replaced with acceptance and Trust in God’s infinite wisdom.

“Whatever is destined not to happen will not happen, try as you may. Whatever is destined to happen will happen, do what you may to prevent it. This is certain. The best course, therefore, is to remain silent.” - Ramana Maharshi

The reason for this crowdfunding is because at the moment it looks like I will leave this body soon and I would not want to leave my wife and kids facing financial difficulties. Since I haven’t been able to work since last year Februari we haven’t had any income for about a year.

The amazing amount that was raised with the first crowdfunding, is unfortunately coming to an end soon and in this situation it is impossible for Erin to get a job. Apart from the difficulty to find a well-paid job (enough to support a family) in Alentejo, one of the poorest regions of Portugal, Erin is already working double shifts (fully from the heart) by being full time caretaker for me and the two boys. On top of that, she is also taking care of our land,house,six animals,all appointments and arrangements. She is an absolute powerhouse of a woman, and my life has been triple blessed since she walked into it.

Both of us have always been very uncomfortable with asking for help, but the past year taught us how beautiful it can be to ask for and receive the help that others so much want to give.

In love and gratitude.

Michel