I need help with bills and rent

On Thursday, I fled my home and escaped my abuser of two and a half years. I faced extreme emotional terror and gaslighting at her hands for the entirety of our relationship. I was isolated in a neighborhood I was afraid to walk around alone in because of the mega hate church a block away and scary dudes with giant SUV's and American flags shooting guns during the day near my home.

I was made to feel bad when I hung out with friends separately from her and guilt tripped into continuing to smoke a seriously unhealthy amount of weed when I transitioned, because she told me it wasn't fair she was losing her boyfriend and her smoking buddy. She also guilt tripped me about potentially losing what little sexual connection we had to the point that I was not even going to consider HRT at first, let alone get bottom surgery. She was such an unhealthy person that she told me that healthy foods make her sick and the she's happiest when she's living in filth, with no regard to the consequences to my health. When I would try to suggest eating better or being healthier in any way, she'd get angry at me. It was hard for me to maintain anything resembling a healthy lifestyle because of the terror of my partner and my fear of going anywhere by myself in Kirkland.

She would get furious at things that didn't make any sense to me and if I showed even the slightest hint of being nervous, she would just get angrier at me. It got to the point where I would look down at the floor, hold myself, mutter "sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry" and try not to cry because displaying that she was scaring me made it so much worse. Before last Thursday, I'd developed an involuntarily reaction to being terrorized by her by curling up in the fetal position and screaming over and over in a pitch I didn't even know I was capable of.

After what happened with my job, I kept begging her to stop treating me the way she did. The situation with my employer has been absolutely devastating and she continued to emotionally brutalize me.

On Thursday, she picked a fight with me that escalated to the point that she threatened to kill herself. She hit herself in the face repeatedly, slammed her head against the wall, and tried to pull her hair out.

At one point, my legs gave out on me completely and I collapsed. My left arm started hurting and I begged her to stop because I literally thought I was having a heart attack. I saw in her face that at least at the moment, she did not care if I lived or died. I don't know if you've ever looked into the eyes of someone you thought loved you and seen nothing but pure hatred when they know you might be dying, but it's the scariest thing I've ever experienced.

So I frantically grabbed some of my things and ran out as she was screaming to get the fuck out of her house. I hid in between some bushes and my partner Charlotte called me a Lyft which led me to safety.

I'm such a fucking abuse victim that I spent the next two days making sure SHE was okay, while neglecting myself when I needed self-care. She figured out she likely has borderline personality disorder and I was trying to help her figure that stuff out.

We went to meet her to discuss treatment options and to get some of my stuff. I even brought some CBG and CBN and offered to help out with treatment. She was pleasant at first, apologetic and sad and appreciative of the help with bpd treatment. It became clear that all of the positivity she was wearing as a mask was a performative effort to get me back to control me more. Once I told her that I could only consider friendship and explained that it was because I saw her disease be utterly indifferent to my life, she looked at me with the same hatred she always has. My legs started to give out again and I put an end to it to it right then and there.

I'm obviously scared (and homeless), but I'm safe, I have an amazing partner and wonderful friends helping me, and I'm fucking finally free.

I'm making an earnest attempt to find housing and a job starting today, but I don't have a whole lot of money, and there's a whole lot of uncertainty. Having money for food, a motel room or airbnb, or my upcoming bills would let me breathe and make this transition into a better life easier. Thanks for anyone that can help.