I will lose my car, job and be homeless OR $2K

Hi. My name is Kaylon.

Today I went to the dealership I usually go to... to repair my car. About a few days ago, its diagnostic system told me I needed an oil change, tire rotation and transmission flush. I went today to have the oil changed and tires rotated. While there, the technicians found that in a section of my transmission, the seal had broke. Specifically, my torque converter assembly seal is shit and leaking transmission fluid.

I have a week to cough up ~$2K or more. Or lose my car, my job and possibly end up homeless.

Some backstory:

I live with my family, and my car was given to me by my mom. She legally owns it. My mom and I have a contentious relationship, and it has been so for... years. Since freshman year high school — she believes that it was "bad people". It was mental health, social isolation, cliques in school, unstable relationships... I had little friends to confide in, so I turned to places like Discord. They never lasted. Whether I was ghosted, they were busy, or we bitterly ended. I hung out with the wrong crowd too, became toxic and manipulative and am still processing trauma years later. I'd like to keep my privacy, but I wasn't a good person... and a lot of times I was manipulative without knowing.

I slacked off at school, it wasn't because I only wanted to. School never helped me when I was dealing with depression, paranoia, suicidal thoughts, suppressed panic attacks, and fallout, and my teachers were all so awful... so I procrastinated to destress.

I got minimum wage jobs that I was okay in. I always had to leave them to get more money to live. My mom had done so

Now I park cars. And I'm damn good at it, but can't sustain myself. I had lived in an apartment, but I had to break the lease because of someone doing drugs and moved back in with family. I deal with awful and terrible customers, assholes every day. In the past some even threatened me.

My true passion is music and the arts, but due to my perfectionism, my uncompromising and ambitious vision, raw and abstract lyrics surrounding suicide, trans identity, mental health, sexuality, socio-politics, and complex arrangements.... it is not viable for me. I never have time to complete it without hurting myself.

Then I found out I was trans over years. Started medically transitioning in secret because I split over my mom. Things came to a head this week, and now we are just estranged.

And then the big one. I have undiagnosed BPD. I can't afford to get an official diagnosis.

I'm constantly exhausted, and procrastinate to not feel empty or spiral into existential dread. All my friends are online. Even the one girl I knew IRL ghosted me. I spend money on my music because it genuinely helps, and I have been working to ethically monetise without compromising ny values.

But I've not been the best. My mom hasn't been either. She is codependent. She doesn't recognise my work. Every time I try to explain why I do what I do, it's either that she doesn't understand or thinks I'm making excuses (she has been ableist about my autism as she believes I use it as a crutch when I don't) or pressuring to get on SSI in a negative way. I try to do chores when I can. She thinks I let "high school undo my hard work" or smth like that. She has implied I let darkness into me. She thinks I'm like her abusive ex-husbands and my biological father, that I mistreat her. And she believes I hate her, when I don't... and even if I did, I regret all the awful things I said when I split over her. She forces her belief that I never see the good things she's done, to rhe point that I don't remember enough good things she's done for me. She dismisses my intelligence, and all the times I unfairly criticised her or made fun of her... I can't atone for it bc she doesn't believe it. I hated that I did that, but apparently I'm always gonna be that way. I hate leeching off her, and sometimes I still do, but she believes I am a leech so I guess I just leech bc I dont know what to do. I owe her in the thousands, but I make enough to pay for stuff I need and want as much as I can but.... I guess I'm just a leech after all.

She's helped to put into my mind that I'm ungrateful, abusive, manipulative, and evil. I am struggling with my sense of self as is. I've not been close with my siblings for years, and I've given up at a healthy relationship with them. Her tone, I can only believe is resentment or disappointment mixed with disgust. She pulls rank now just to keep me quiet and to listen to her. All I am to her is what she believes me to be, and falsely blames me for it. That she has never claimed, but I firmly believe that.

I'm stuck in an abusive cycle we can't break, my car is a ticking time bomb and now she's gonna take back the car and I'm gonna lose my job if I don't get her the funds in a week. She's explicitly expressed that she doesn't care what happens, and I have every reason to believe she may finally kick me out. I'd be homeless.

Me and my mom are just not good for each other. As much as I want to genuinely get down on my knees and cry my guilt, remorse, and deep deep apologies... it won't be enough. I don't ever want to live with her again, but I sincerely need the money to pay for repairs so nothing bad happens.

The GoFundMe:

$2000 is enough to cover the repair. I ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK, OR IT GETS WORSE. This is my hail mary. I have a place to stay eventually, since after I repair the car, I plan to leave asafp.

Any additional money will be chiefly for paying my mom back once and for all. If I go over $6K, I'm giving the rest to other GFMs and absolutely will post receipts. I will feel sick to my stomach keeping money I don't need.

If you can't donate, please spread the word. I only have a week, as that's how much time I said I had.

In any case, tysm for giving me a chance and I hope your day goes well.