Ilse's House Fire, Pet Memorial and Rebuilding

This is very difficult for me to share, but I have to in order to move forward with my life, and I deeply appreciate the love and support that has already been shown by loved ones in my life.

This is the most difficult thing that has ever happened to me, and I have had the worst two months of my entire life.

On Friday, July 29th, 2022, a fire occurred in my apartment when I was at work. I immediately rushed home when the building super first noticed it and called me. Police and firefighters were there when I arrived. It was apparently brought under control quickly but my one and a half year old dog, Jasper, and 11 year old cat, Sockette, died in the fire. Firefighters told me this and I have not been able to return to my apartment since. I cannot upload photos of them to Facebook or to this GoFundMe page right now because it is simply too painful. But so many of my friends and family knew and loved them, and helped to give them wonderful lives for the short time they were here. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the good times any of you may have shared with us.

Some of my best friends went into my apartment on Saturday to retrieve the bodies of my beloved pets and a vet picked them up in order to get them cremated. My friends said my apartment looked like most of my things have been destroyed and the apartment itself is not in livable condition at all. This is a rent stabilized apartment that I have lived in for 8 years, and I can't afford to lose it because of a fire. But at the same time, even if they could fix it enough so that it's livable, I don't know if I can emotionally handle living in a place where all of this happened. So I need time and money to rebuild and move forward for a better life. I may have lost most of my worldly possessions, and I am a collector of weird and interesting antiques, and have owned many things that hold a lot of sentimental value to me. They may be lost and it is painful, extremely anxiety-provoking and utterly disorienting to think about. But I will rebuild my life, and most important things to me are my loved ones, my ability to function, my ability to achieve goals and care for others, and my sanity and happiness.

I have already been having the most difficult time in my life prior to this moment. Over the past two months I suddenly lost a very important relationship. Someone I loved deeply suddenly cut off contact with me in late June. Our relationship was not going to work out, which was already heartbreaking, but this person cut off contact and I have not tried to contact them yet. I would love to apologize for the last argument we had. It's been haunting me. I care deeply about this person and talked to them all day, every day for six months, and they were the kindest and most caring romantic partner I have ever had, despite the fact that for multiple reasons the relationship was not going to work. The sudden absence of this person from my life had already been traumatic. I still love them and had been struggling with depression and having difficulty functioning because of this over past two months. I still wish them well and it would mean so much for us to be friends someday.

I am struggling with the sudden and traumatic nature of all of this loss in my life now. I also was facing the most difficult, stressful and unfair work environment in my entire life at the same time. I feared that I was going to be unfairly fired, even though I am thankfully in a union (I am a Registered Nurse at a clinic in Manhattan). I went to work hiding my tears about this romantic relationship and the harassment and unfair treatment I was experiencing at work. I was just completing paperwork to get accommodations and protection at work for a learning disability, depression and other conditions that I have that are protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and over the past two weeks I've felt that my job situation was looking a little brighter, finally. I had been preparing to leave this job and get another as a traveling nurse but I most likely lost my nursing license in the apartment fire now, and will have to take a little time to get new documents from New York State in order to get a new job. At the same time, with all that I have to figure out about my living situation right now, coupled with the shock, trauma and worsening depression I am now feeling due to the fire and loss of my beloved pets, I am going to take a leave of absence from work and delay finding a new job. I will most likely be paid for my leave of absence but I don't know how long that can continue and I would love to feel better enough, and get my living situation secure enough, to start a new job and continue my work as an RN. My psychiatrist had already suggested I take a leave of absence for depression prior to the fire, and now it is inevitable that I am going to try to take a paid leave for depression and to deal with my living situation.

I will undoubtedly have to spend some time now rebuilding my life, planning the next steps for hopefully an even better living situation, and pulling myself out of severe depression with the help of my loved ones -- friends and family who have already helped me so much just with their compassion, understanding, and willingness to physically help me get through this. If nothing else, I have to move forward and work towards happiness and a better life out of love for my beloved animals and all the people who love me. I could lie in bed and give up, but I know that will only make me feel worse in the end. My family and friends will help me return to my apartment, negotiate with the landlord and physically clean and rebuild. I will need time and money to do this as well, and part of any money donated will potentially go to legal fees as I negotiate some kind of deal with the landlord. Thank you so much for reading all of this, I love and appreciate you. I never like to ask for money but I could use anything that anyone can spare, and I understand that everyone struggles and may not be able to help. Thank you just for listening and being there. It means the world to me.