In Loving Memory of Gayle, My Mom

This is so hard. I have always struggled asking for help because I am very independent and have always taken care of things myself. So I’m taking a big step in reaching out for help. After experiencing the darkest period of my life in the past year, it ends with this. My precious Mama, Gayle, went to heaven on April 13, Palm Sunday. Jesus welcomed her home on the same day he was welcomed. She had been diagnosed with Follicular Lymphoma and breast cancer in 2021 and has been through so much since then. She fought so hard to have more time to be with me, and wanted to do so much more in her life. Sadly, her poor body could not take anymore. She was in so much pain physically and emotionally for so long, and wanted nothing more than an end to her suffering. I am glad that she is now free from all the pain of this world.

She had been in bad shape for a long time and was in and out of the hospital. She lived alone and did not have anyone to help her. She was very lonely and sad for so long. Two weeks ago, after being discharged from the hospital before she should have been, because her insurance would not approve for her to go to a specialized facility the doctors wanted her to go to, she had a bad fall trying to enter her apartment. She hit her head on the concrete and broke a vertebrae, but even worse, suffered a brain bleed. She was in the ICU for a while, then made some improvement, so was then transferred to a rehab facility. She spent a week there before I got the call that she was found unresponsive and they were doing CPR. They called me again an hour later to say she didn’t make it. It was shocking. I have feared this for many years, because I feel all alone in the world now that my mom is gone. It was so sudden and I hadn’t been able to reach her for 4 days. I wish I could have talked to her one more time. I still don’t even know what happened. She lived in another state very far away, and I wasn’t able to visit her. I am heartbroken and devastated to say the least. I am very overwhelmed with everything happening all at once and no time to stop and just be. I am in shock that this happened. I wish I could talk to her.

I am comforted in the knowledge that my mom is no longer suffering. I know that she is with me and I will carry her love with me forever. She has already communicated with me and shown me that heaven is real and God sees my pain and is with me. She always told me she would ‘haunt’ me when she was gone, and I know it’s true. I am going to work very hard to accomplish all the things she wanted me to do for myself and live the rest of my life seeking healing and peace for my heart, and finding joy in the process. She only wished for my happiness.

I have some very special friends who have been helping me get through this, as well as my colleagues in the incredibly kind and loving School Psychologist community who have reached out to me and offered their care and support, and who have inspired me to make this fundraiser. I feel so lucky and honored to be part of such a special community of exceptional human beings.

As a School Psychologist, I’m currently working for a contract agency. As such, I do not receive pay if I don’t work. My mom was unfortunately not very prepared for this, so I am struggling with a lot of anxiety about how to move forward. I suffer from depression and anxiety including PTSD and panic attacks. This event has set back my healing journey to say the least. I am asking for help so that I may have some time to finish the school year before I’m able to make a trip to her apartment and go through her belongings. She had so many beautiful things that I want to keep with me to remember her. I know she wanted me to have them. I’m in a tight spot right now and want to save her things. Funds will go to funeral home expenses, travel, and moving/storage expenses for her belongings. I have never done anything like this before and thank everyone who sees this and is able to offer support, from the bottom of my heart.

Hold your loved ones close. You never know when will be the last time you get to see them, speak to them, hug them, or tell them you love them. ❤️‍