It Takes A Village - Steph's Recovery Support Fund

I've made this fundraiser with the prompting of a friend whom I met through TikTok. I am all too aware of the heavy stigma that exists around the disorders I'm currently struggling with, and so I do this with great apprehension. For those who take the time to read, and support, may I express my deep gratitude for seeing me, seeing my value, and recognizing the validity of my struggle.

I left Nova Scotia in 2017 when I was homeless and in crisis because I wasn't able to access adequate mental health care. I originally showed up in Ottawa, and then moved to Sudbury to stay with a friend. Within 6 months he kicked me out and I took a 1-way bus to Toronto. In crisis still, I went to CAMH (center for addiction and mental health) where I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and a substance use disorder at the age of 40.

I still can't understand how it took so long, as I had sought help at emergency rooms and doctors offices more than 2 dozen times starting from the age of 17. I made my first steps toward addiction recovery over 10 years ago, but without identifying any mental illness, I was never successful. Addiction works different in persons with concurrent disorders and trauma history. I have moved over 55 times in my life, I am alienated from family, have been homeless 3 times, and have experienced multiple traumas and abuse. In the last 5 years while trying to access mental health treatment and social supports, I have moved 15 times between 4 cities.

While in Toronto, I managed to get sober for 15 months, and was making strides with treating my disorders. I was enrolled in a special college prep program for persons who identify as having mental health and addiction barriers to education, and was just starting to make steps to try to reclaim my life. And then the pandemic hit.

I couldn't hack online school, lost most of my social and practical resources, and couldn't afford to stay in Toronto. I'm now stuck on the outskirts of Ottawa with all my possessions still in a storage unit in Nova Scotia and I'm back to drinking and having serious mental health issues again.

I receive some money through the Ontario disability support program, but it's nowhere near enough. I haven't worked in 5 years, and don't have the skills or capacity to at this time. I live in poverty, and I have no one in my life. I rely on the few friends who are willing to help me when they can, but I am quite literally stuck without any means of getting back to Toronto and to the programs I need to get back on track.

People like me, living with mental health disabilities, addiction, and a long list of other barriers cannot get better without adequate financial, social, and practical supports in place. I'm a living example of what is wrong with our systems. I don't have family, I was never stable enough to build a career or get a post-secondary education. I was never even stable enough to get a driver's licence. I am bright, I can learn, and I am trying my best.

I have travelled so many miles to try to get the help and support I need to better myself and be a valuable member of society. And I lost it all because of a pandemic. The government never provided any supports for people with disabilities. We've been left behind to deal with the wreckage. All my commitment, my effort over the last 4 years has slipped away. I don't even know if I'll survive the next year. I'm at high risk of being homeless again.

I keep waiting for any mention of reform for our social programs, or a Universal Basic Income....something to create a safety net and give me the ability to get back on track with my recovery, but it hasn't come. I don't think it ever will.

And so, I'm creating this fundraiser. My new TikTok friend asked what a year's worth of rent and food looked like for me right now, and that is where this number came from. It feels like an immense amount of money and I'm uncomfortable with it, but I will put it out here. Perhaps there's a miracle out there with my name on it. One that will raise me out of this dark place and empower me to get back to the recovery process I was working so hard on.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for any contribution you can make.

Much love to you ❤️