Help me finish my therapy degree
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Dear friends and family,
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
You may not know it, but I have been free from an abusive relationship for a few years now.
I came to North Carolina because my boyfriend at the time had just gone to jail for choking me, and I was afraid of what he would do when he got out. I found a weird cooperative on Craigslist, I put everything I owned into my car, and I just came. I didn’t have any friends or family here; it was just the only place I already knew and liked that felt far enough away from him.
And I thought a lot about the people who have a job they can’t leave, or kids they can’t leave, or a home they can’t leave. People who can’t just drive away like I did. I consider myself lucky.
That experience taught me a lot.
- I learned that a lot of domestic violence shelters don’t have any room.
- I learned that it takes an average of 8 attempts to leave an abusive relationship because of something called a trauma bond. I lost count of how many tries it took me.
- I learned how to ask for help, instead of pretending like everything was fine.
- I learned there are people with personality disorders who are biologically incapable of empathy.
I spent a year in Codependents Anonymous. And I went to a lot of therapists, too many to count, but I hated most of them. One therapist asked me why I was choosing this relationship, but if I had known that, I wouldn’t have needed a therapist. Another therapist wished me good luck in my marriage, even though I wasn’t married and I was trying to escape an abuser.
The people who helped me the most were the ones who treated me like an equal and not a patient. The ones who trusted and empowered me to know what I needed instead of giving advice. The ones who could listen without judgment and hold real and opposing truths. The ones who waited patiently, as long as it took for me to untangle hope from betrayal.
- A writing coach, because she helped me find the meaning in my story without telling me what it should say.
- A couples therapist who used to be a probation officer, because he could see through the covert attempts at control that were keeping me trapped.
- An addiction counselor, because I was addicted to an abusive alcoholic.
- A somatic and IFS therapist, because talk therapy, reason, and logic don’t work on trauma.
- A domestic violence counselor, because she understood the nuances normal therapists didn't.
- Myself, because the only person who knows what help you need is yourself.
Eventually, I also sought the help of a psychologist because I couldn’t understand why life has always seemed so much easier for everyone else. I asked him to evaluate me for autism and ADHD. My final diagnosis was C-PTSD.
I have had to overcome a lot of hardship. After I moved, my car kept breaking down, costing thousands of dollars in repairs. I finally relented and bought a used car, but now I have the added burden of car payments. I also didn’t own any furniture or appliances, so once my furnished sublet had ended, I had to buy, build, and move everything myself. Before COVID, I had a thriving freelance business, which slowly died as I struggled to cope with the after-effects of abuse, a decrease in demand, and an increase in competition. I still have business loans I am paying off.
I used my PTSD diagnosis to seek jobs through Schedule A and vocational rehab. I’ve worked my way up through multiple part-time jobs to the full-time job I have now, which allowed me to start a retirement account for the first time.
I have a lot to be grateful for. I have a supportive friend who gave me a home when my landlord raised my rent by $400 per month. I have a family who is alive and healthy and who cares about me. My emotional support cat, Ralphie, gives me reasons to smile and laugh every day. I have a job in mental health that I love, health insurance, a working car, and a few good friends who are authentic, genuine, and wholehearted.
Inspired by my experiences, I enrolled in grad school to become a therapist who makes people feel like equals instead of patients. I've excelled academically, maintaining a 4.0 GPA while working full-time. However, my debts have become unmanageable. My goal is to raise $50,011 to cover my student loans ($35,731) and remaining tuition ($14,280). If, by any chance, my target is surpassed, it will go towards my remaining debt.
I haven’t had weddings or baby showers to celebrate, and maybe never will. My celebrations are quiet and go unrecognized. One year of no contact. Two years of no contact. Going months without getting triggered by something. Learning how to trust myself again. Advocating for myself amidst fear of invalidation, minimizing, shame, judgment, or rejection. Practicing stronger boundaries. Feeling my emotions. My glimmers of happiness and hope for the future grow more as time passes.
These choices were mine to make. I chose to love the wrong person. I chose to go to grad school. I chose to take on debt. Over the past few years, I have rebuilt my life. I exercise, I eat healthy, and I practice self-care. But I also learned that sometimes, you need to ask for help instead of pretending that everything is fine. So here I am, asking for help with my hopefully last hurdle.
Ultimately, I know that this is my burden, and I am working hard to bear it.
- I took a big leap and asked for a 15% raise at work (something I’ve never done), and I’m waiting for their answer. This job offers tuition reimbursement for one course per year, which I have been taking full advantage of.
- I have met with financial advisors, but their advice has generally been to get married and leverage a dual income or find a way to make more money.
- I’m also looking for a second job.
- I’m looking for freelance work and gig economy jobs.
- I’ve searched everywhere I know for scholarships. Unfortunately, most scholarships are for undergraduate degrees or have limitations I don't qualify for.
- In addition to full-time work, part-time school, and job applications, I am continuing to try to rebuild my own business.
- I have cut back on my expenses as much as possible, cooking at home instead of eating out, selling clothes, pausing my 401K contributions, lowering my insurance coverages, etc.
- I’ve contacted every local Rotary club about assistance programs, but so far, their funds have already been allocated.
- I’ve completed multiple certifications and continuing education to make myself more valuable at work and in the job market. I expect to complete a new certification this September.
- I hope that when I graduate with my Master’s degree in Spring 2027, this will also open new doors for me.
Please do not help out of pity or obligation, but consider donating or spreading my campaign to your network if you can. Sharing a story that is hard to share is a victory by itself, and I am incredibly grateful for any support on my continued path, even if it is only felt.
With gratitude,
Jenny
Organizer
Jennifer Dobson
Organizer
Asheville, NC