Jenny's story-Domestic Violence Response, Galway

Trigger warning - you may find some details of Jenny's story distressing or retraumatising.

‘thicko, cretin, cold-hearted bitch, holier than thou, mental, demanding...

Dometic Violence Response, Galway - Jenny’s story

My boyfriend was great at the start. He loved the bones of me. He loved everything about me, but then, over a short space of time, when we became serious, it changed. I was like putty in his hands. He would text me several times every day and ask me what I was doing. If I didn’t answer, he would start ringing and ringing until I did. He would ask ‘who are you with’ he wouldn’t let me talk to anyone and if I did, he would freak out, interrogate me for hours sometimes and make me apologise.

I ignored the red flags; the mood swings, the meanness with money, the aggression towards other people. He lied continually to me, but I didn’t see that at first. When we married, immediately after the ceremony, he said I was his now. That didn’t sound like love – it sounded like a threat.

He told me so many times to shut my mouth, thicko, cretin, cold-hearted bitch, holier than thou, mental, demanding... He had so many words to abuse me with, in the end I was afraid to open my mouth. I was afraid of what to say, in case it would cause a row, or he would hit me. Afraid to say word or a sentence in case it would sound stupid, or I would have another tirade to listen to.

I had never known what it was like to be beaten. I had never seen it before, such anger. I was afraid to fight back and, in the end, it was better to just take the punches, the kicks, the attempts to choke.

Any excuse and he would go to the pub and expect me to be up and waiting for him. One night, early in the marriage, when he got into bed, I begged him to leave me alone. He wouldn't and he raped me. He raped me when I was pregnant, and he raped me three days after giving birth.

I was his now and he could do what he liked.

I was so embarrassed to tell anyone and I kept it to myself for many years. Looking back now I see he was the one who should be ashamed, but I didn’t know that then. I tortured myself with guilt for not being able to change him or not being a better wife, mother. Nothing was ever his fault. I reached out to DVR and I got the support I needed. It’s why I’m still alive now.

At DVR we are committed to supporting women and children, during and in the aftermath, of Domestic Abuse. We offer a broad range of services which include court accompaniment, one-to-one counselling with professional therapists, and training courses, aimed at ending the cycle of violence.

Demand for our service has increased dramatically in the last two years with clients up 20%. Our court advocacy service has seen a 50% increase in demand, but our funding has not increased, and we need your help.

For Just €38, we can offer a direct hour of professional service to a client.

With €250 we can claim tax relief on your donation

But anything you can spare is so welcome.

Thank you for taking the time to read Jenny's story