Help me HEAL Chronic Lyme Disease
My story is a long one. I have a very profound life and story behind me, and it has been greatly impacted by lyme disease.
I have been debiliatingly sick. For a very Long time.
--
I have had this disease all my life since I was a child, and it severely debilitated me around the age of 12-13 when I swallowed a mercury filling. In turn - my immune system collapsed and... Well, let's say; I've never had a normal life since then. I didn't get to grow up with those teenage years in the summer, enjoying the sun and being outside, nor was any other aspect of my life simple. I was so sick growing up that I would collapse most days on my way to school in the morning / faint in class, and I had to leave school in grade 10. There were a lot of complications with my behavior and health which people didn't recognize and saw very superficially during that time, and even further than that, as It continued to get worse.
I used to have aspirations to be a pilot and was pursuing my pilot's license in air cadets, but would end up fainting and blacking out most days when I was attending cadets, and once again, I was too sick to continue on with that.
Everything in my life was ripped away from me. My dreams, my talent, my friendships were not easy, let alone relationships with partners or my family. It truly affects every aspect of what one's life consists of.
This is a devestating disease that not many people understand and over a decade ago, the doctors didn't even know existed basically. So there was little to no medical assistance or treatment, and more than that. A lot of indignation around the situations that surrounded my life. At one point I was forced on to psychiatric medications ordered by the courts because of what they thought was; hypocondria, skitsophrenia, bi polar, etc. I tried to keep telling the doctors of my symptoms and they would just brush me off, push me away, or try to give me pills to solve the problem.
Essentially for the behavior challenges that I was faced with which impacted every single human interaction I was involved with, it was a brain infection and a very bad diet that didn't support my brain chemistry. Not skitsophrenia, or anything else I was falsely labelled as.
I used to love snowboarding, skateboarding, flying planes, I LOVE to make music, and I'm a comptuer technician, audio engineer, I'm also an artist with adept skills in many different mediums, the list goes on... I have many talents and I try to achieve a lot in my life.
During the years of my decline in health, I had to essentially give up on everything in life that others get to partake in so easily and all the things I listed above plus more, I struggled with achieving, because I was hardly able to leave my bed most days, and if I did. I would black out even as I would get out of bed alone / my body would collapse to a large degree. Yet I was forced like everyone else to continue on. And I did... Somehow. Against all odds and some of the darkest things you can face within this world, and within yourself. Most of the time I did it alone.
During all of this, I started developing; M.S. - Rheumatoid Arthritis, Osteo problems, severe Auto Immune Disorders, Respitory Illness, Mental Disabilities, Deep Suicidal Depression (which i acted upon many times.) - Chron's, FibroMyalgia, A very severe heart condition, and a whole list of degenerative effects... I could probably list about 50-60 things that were severely going wrong with my body and each would be considered a seperate medical condition. Most, if not all of these had reached very critical stages for me at one point or another and some days I was gasping for breath, clinging to life. All of this, ON TOP of the allergies that had taken over me and ruled my life. I couldn't leave the house because of how allergic I was to everything. These allergies are debilitating beyond anything you can comprehend and it'd get to the point where I would black out, faint, collapse and have to go to the hospital if I'd run into any of them at certain points in my life. It was life threatening almost every time, and this is happening on a daily basis. Ultimately, this was part of what is called a herxheimer reaction. A very complicated and challenging thing to face when clearing lyme.
Later on in life (A few years ago), I figured out what all of this was, and why it was happening, Why I was fainting and blacking out for all those years and why my body was constantly going into collapse to the point where my organs were failing to large degrees. I came to understand it as a good thing once I realized how to use the tools which are effective at treating it, and what's happening when I was fainting, blacking out and my body / organs were going into collapse; is that it's the effective die off of the lyme disease which will release heavy metals, endotoxins and a whole range of toxins that flood into the brain, muscles, etc. If this is not treated correctly at the time that it is happening, it causes very severe damage to the areas that it is affecting and this will overwhelm the organs, cause brain damage, circulatory system seizure, immune system failure, heart failure, etc - Essentially, it gets to the point where the body will collapse in a dire state that is life threatening. And this was happening to me on a daily basis for over a decade.
Luckily, I now hold answers on how to resolve that aspect of this. But from the ages of 12 - 25, my life was severely impacted by this affecting every single facest of how my life worked on a daily basis. And no one understood... My family, friends, jobs, doctors, everyone. No one understood what I was truly suffering through, and anytime I'd express this to people. They'd push me away and how I felt was that I didn't deserve life, that my suffering was my own and that I was worthless, which seemed to be justified by people's cruelty towards me. Or people would look at me and really have no clue what was going on with what they were observing. I even had people judge me for how I looked when i was sick, spreading rumors that I had aids, or smoked meth. I truly felt that my life didn't matter and I should end it all... I struggled with this thought, everyday. For 10+ years, and only recently this summer have felt the shift into something that is so profound, in which I approach each day now with love and gratitude to the best of my abilities. But prior, while I had this infection... There's no choice in feeling any differently, as the brain is so severely damaged, and usually being bombarded with heavy toxicity that causes severe chemical imbalance.
Over the years, with all the fear that built up from interacting with others that judged me and didn't understand what I was facing. It got to a point where I was afraid to ask anyone for help, and for so long I've conditioned myself into feeling that I don't deserve help or love from others. But now I know that I deserve to be loved through my darkness, and I truly deserve assistance in my circumstances. specially after I've gone so long, virtually on my own. Fighting every day to even find a reason to stay alive and not end my life. Let alone everything else that I've had to go through.
Only with the advent of discovering what was affecting me a few years ago, did I truly realize that it can be overcome, but it hasn't been easy. It's a very long journey curing this ailment, and it's not as simple as other diseases where you can just eat well, and change your lifestyle. It requires very specific protocols to overcome, and sometimes if not done correctly. It can be life threatening. Which it has been for me many times... Going to the hospital wasn't an option in these circumstances either. They really have no idea how to treat this. As well; the damage from the herxheimer, causes muscle tissue to collapse, organs to fail and so many things that need to be constantly repaired with the correct tools, so it gets quite expensive to continue to treat it like this.
Another part of my story here, which is important; is that I used to get fired from every job I ever had because I wasn't able to honor my body and the process I was in when I was sick everyday. I was fainting at work most days, or collapsing even and having to go to the hospital on 3 seperate jobs. I'd push myself far beyond the limits of what a chronic lyme disease patient can handle, and essentially... I was stressing my immune system far more than I had even known.
So to continue; When I was 20, I had acquired a tech job for the government in the province that I live in, But I lost it and couldn't apply for social assistance.
I went from having a nice residence, with stable income - to being homeless and sleeping in a tent, with no food, and hardly able to access water. My health in this circumstance had taken a turn for the worse to the point where as, I was already extremely ill most days even at this point, to being on the verge of death and hanging on to each breath. WHILE sleeping in a tent in a park. No one even knew I was in this state.
During this, I received virtually no help in the ways that I truly needed, Even though I reached out to try and get social assistance, or ask the homeless assistance programs to get me back on me feet. They didn't know how to. I couldn't work, and I could hardly feed myself other than mcdonalds. Luckily I did have friends that helped me in ways, but it was very stressful to a lot of people that tried to support me, and most of them didn't have the capacity to, but were forced to take me on.
I ultimately was forced into living in my mother's 1 bedroom apartment while she slept on the couch and I resorted to eating microwaved kraft dinner / other fast cheap food, My body and my immune system were not happy from these diet choices amidst the rest of the stress that was causing my immune system to collapse further. At this point, I really couldn't handle it any further, the lyme came out worse than ever and due to my inability to take care of myself properly. I ended up becoming more and more depressed. My body was almost in full collapse continously, and I was suicidal on a daily basis. I spent a good 15+ hours a day sleeping, and the rest of the time when I woke up was spent thinking about how to end my life. It felt like no one cared. Luckily, one did... She saved my life and I owe everything to her.
This girl was my partner at the time. She was someone that loved me so dearly and if she hadn't been there for me at this period, I would be dead otherwise, I really wouldn't be alive today...
She was there to feed me and do the things that needed to be done to keep me alive. Thank you.
--Eventually I learned Search Engine Optimization. I became very good at it, to the point where I earned a substantial amount my first month. And subsequently for years after that, was making quite a bit which I would be able to support myself with. I was able to finally PULL myself out of a lot of this damage by being able to afford; vitamins, ORGANIC food, assistance from naturopathic doctors, etc. But ultimately still, no resolve... I didn't know why I was deathly ill on a daily basis and I was still suicidal with this brain infection running through me, let alone everything else that was hard to deal with. So most days I was paralyzed in the emotional realm, and then my body was failing still.. It was unbearable. To keep myself alive through this period, I turned to gambling. Playing poker. Needless to say, with my cognitive function at minimal capacity, I had no ability to keep the money I had earned, so I lost a large sum of money that would have otherwise been very useful in my process of healing if I had known at the time that I was suffering from this infection.
-- Gambling was the only thing that comforted me in this pain, suffering and the agony of having to get up everyday and live / feel like this. I didn't do drugs, and I really didn't enjoy drinking / beating my body up in other ways like some people do. So I turned to this as a crutch to help me cope with life.-
-
----
Around this time, my mother passed. And it changed my life, I didn't want to be sick anymore, and I didn't want to gamble my life away. But I couldn't really travel and couldn't leave the city I was in. So I was stuck, Eventually, I found a doctor that gave me an answer. Finally...
He diagnosed me with lyme disease. An infection that had been taking over my body unchecked all my life. Causing these problems. And from that point on, I have been on a journey since 2 years ago, healing this. I've found so many answers along the way, some of these things, that AT TIMES - healed me beyond anything I've ever felt in my life. I've been shown that I can have my life back, and that I can be healthy for once in my life. I know that this is cureable. I have for the better part, been able to connect to my creativity again, and make music / art. Something which I lost for so many years as I had no energy, will, drive or ambition to be creative... Even if I tried, I was at a loss in trying to create art or music. It hardly came out of me. I was very disconnected from my spirit.
Although I have experienced large degrees of health during times recently, the bacteria is still in me, and it's a process of removing it all slowly and being diligent with the answers that I now know, It is important that it happens slowly, as to not overwhelm the detox / immune system because the bacteria has defense mechanisms which essnetially cause this collapse of the body if killed off too fast, These defensive measures, also allow it to hide from anti biotic / immune system attack.. So it's a fairly slow process that takes years to heal when approaching it in certain ways. During the times that I achieved great health, I had thought I was never going to be sick again. Although it continues to relapse continously, There's been so much hope restored with these small experiences of health, and after 15+ years of not knowing health in the way that I deserve to know it, I finally had glimpses as to how strong and how powerful I am, and of all the things I am able to achieve.
As I have been finding health, it is dependant on a number of factors. Unfortunately - Finances being one of them at this stage in my process. Environment being another, amidst a whole range of other things like emotions, will, drive, diligence, tools, SUPPORT AND LOVE from people in my life, access to the things I needed, etc.
Very complex things in my life that still aren't easy to this day.
-
My finances were essentially dependant on google. I do Seach Engine Optimization work. (SEO) And over the past few years, google started updating their ranking systems. Which this year, my sites failed and suffered, so at times I went flat broke and even more so recently. For the past year, I've had little to no money because my sites haven't recovered. So I've been living month to month, rent to rent, JUST enough food to survive, but not to fully overcome this part that requires tools and my finances to be set. I unfortunately cannot work a conventional job as it puts me in a position where my immune system collapses and I fall back down to sqaure one with treating the lyme disease.
**HEALING, is a full time job.**
There's a lot going on in my life that has inhibited me from being able to overcome the final stages of clearing this out. I can't even afford to buy the antibiotics that I need to be on at the moment. I use herbs and vitamins, etc. But I've found that I want to use a combination of pharmaceutical antibiotics (which cost a good 3-400$ a month) along with all the other tools I've come across that have helped me get to a point where I am now. I need help though. I need to pay for doctor bills which have been pilling up, I am in debt, I've sold my music equipment to pay for my expenses (which is painful, as it's my way of expressing myself and being creative.) and luckily my doctor is extremely patient with me and understands my situation. So he's been treating me on a promise to pay him back, (200+ for the tools) sometimes multiple times a week. And then I need to pay my rent, buy organic food. I just ran out of most of my supplements that have been helping, and I have so many bills to pay for. Life is expensive when you're sick... And through this, I've probably paid a good $100.000-$150,000 + out of my own pocket for all the expenses that have occurred during this process of healing in the past years. I've been lucky enough to have the ability to pay these costs for the past while. But I'm at a point now where I don't make much, and can't afford during this stage of my progression to really have something as ridiculous as finances get in the way of what I know that I can achieve with my health.
I have abilities to earn a bit of income at the moment, but unfortunately it's not enough. I am doing my best to do what I can for myself. In the future, I will be back on my feet, but at this point, I do need to ask for help.
I've learned how to cure this WITHOUT money to a large degree, and I feel ultimately that my healing has nothing to do with money at the end of this, but I can only do it at a certain point when my health reaches a threshold that it crosses over. I'm close again to that, and hopefully if no factors or complexities of life get in the way again this time. I can finally, once and for all resolve this and move on with my life..
--
It's been a very difficult life for me. If you can imagine 10+ years of suicidal thoughts which I acted on many times. The agony of what I had to face each day with the excruciating pain I was in, and little to no support from family or friends through this all as most didn't understand or even know how sick I truly was. Let alone the lack of adequate care from doctors or the health care system. There's just no words to articulate what I've been through with this. The easiest way to put it; is that my life had been ripped out of my hands at an early age and I was tested for 10-15 years - everyday, with struggles that threatened my life, I never got to experience what everyone takes for granted. Now even the simplest things like sunshine on my face, makes me so joyful. I was even outside today gardening. Something I've never really been able to do because of the fact that I can hardly get out of bed and make food for myself. Which most days in the past, was the case, up until recently.
Luckily I have evolved vastly from this all and now see this journey as such a beautiful experience... I have achieved great spiritual and personal awakening / strength in it all. But I find myself in the moment, stagnant in a lot of ways at this point with tangible things that are needed, and I'm needing to ask for help from community. Something which I've never really done before, and am having to find deep levels of courage and strength to be able to reach out towards.
I have my answers, I know how to heal myself. I need help.
To describe where I am at, and what I'll be using the money for;
Currently, my body works to a large degree. I can get out of bed with ease most days and I've recovered my organs, muscles, tissues, brain and everything that was going wrong. I've reversed the damage to a large degree, but still have a lot of healing to work towards. I do yoga daily now, where as I used to be in atrophy and laying in bed with just skin drapped off my bones, Severely emaciated, and hardly able to breathe... Now I'm filling out and have muscle mass. I can excersize and go on hikes without fainting, but still struggle to some degree with exercise when my blood pressure is heightened. I'd like to start running / jogging soon, but anytime I do that, I get pretty sick and it's like taking 2 steps backwards. I'm starting to learn piano and wanting to learn guitar - Things that I could never do before because of how much pain my bones and muscles caused, and the arthritis / osteo problems, I couldn't even walk up stairs without almost fainting.
-I'm excited for when I can return to all my physical activities that I used to love so much.
Eventually, I would really love to play my music to the world and go out to events.
I want to enjoy life in general like everyone else. Something as simple as attending a concert, or going to a yoga class. Riding a bicycle in the summer sun. Eating at a resturaunt... These are not things that one can do with ease, when they suffer with chronic lyme. And if you understand what lyme disease does, you'll know that it can actually put someone's life at risk to push people in any sort of circumstance of physical exertion, or emotional stress. Leaving the house is a great risk to these people. As it has been for me for so long, and that's no exageration.
--
I was at a beach last week and I was meditating near the ocean... It was profound to feel the contrast of what it used to feel like, and how it does now. I appreciate the little things in life and all the intracacies that this reality is comprised of.
I am to the most part these days, self sufficient, being able to clean my residence on my own, taking care of myself, and on top of this. I go out of my way now to help others that are sick and are in need of help in these ways.
I will be starting another campaign soon to raise large amounts of funds to contribute to the other people that are sufferign from this, in the same ways that I did, and can't work jobs, have no social assistance or families that can support them. ETC. But before I help others heal, I need to heal myself.
My friend's mother has this in the ways that I did, and suffered all her life like this as well. She's not able to pay for much, whether it's - organic food, doctor bills, medication, let alone the tools that she needs to cure this. My intention is to help support her when I have the capacity.
And this is just ONE person of the hundreds that I've come across suffering from this, I seem to be finding so many more people with lyme disease and a lot of them are in the same, if not similar positions. Can you imagine how many more are out there? Hundreds of thousands like this...
Once I cure my own illness once and for all, I will be dedicating a large part of my life to helping others (which I'm already doing.) and part of that means acquiring the tools (which cost money) to be able to overcome this. And then provide all these tools to others in these stages of their fight with Lyme Disease.
What I'll be spending the money on;
1. Biomat - Amazing piece of technology that has gotten me through the past few years. Something I view as necessary in this process of healing.
2. Herbs, Vitamins, Supplements, Amino Acid I.V. drips (cost is $200 per session.) Organic food (expennnsive.) Amidst a range of other tools that I've found to be so amazingly helpful in recovering my body to the point where I feel like a normal operating person again most days. The list is vast, and quite expensive... One bottle of deer antler velvet (which contains elevated amounts of IGF1 that helps to stimulate the body into rebuilding itself, specially needed after the damage that is caused.) Costs $239 + $40 shipping +40 customs fees. I can pretty much use a bottle or two a month, as I've found it very useful.
This is just ONE of many tools that I need in this process.
3. i need to pay rent, it's as simple as that. I've sold off most of my studio music equipment. (I had a semi- professional music studio for a while.) To pay for all of this when google crashed and my sites died in the ranks. I haven't been able to fully recover them yet, and unfortunately I need to be considerate of the place I live. It's a very delicate thing for a lyme patient to be in a place with mold, toxicity, stress, EMF, and a whole range of other things that can suppress the immune system.
I make enough money at the moment to JUST pay my rent, but this month I'm actually selling off my music production computer, which is pretty much the last piece of material that has value which i can afford to sell to support myself. It breaks my heart to lose my ability to be creative and make music... It's lifeline for me. But I'm willing and ready to do whatever it takes to achieve health.
I have found a place that is great for me, and I hope to stay here while I deal with this for the next few months until I feel it can be resolved fully.
4. Bills. I need to pay my doctor back, I need to operate on the internet in order to work on my websites and SEO. I have other expenses which I've had to learn how to budget with essentially, so I'll be prioritizing some of this. (Had hydro shut off my power a few times and had to live in the dark at times.) This is not condusive of a healing environment... So i need to be realistic.
5. Having this mercury filling in my tooth removed by a professional dentist that can remove it with minimal damage.
6. Have my blood cleaned through an Ozone Machine.
7. Transportation and other costs.
-
-
-
For me, this has been a beautiful journey. I actually wouldn't go back and change any of this for anything, as I have come into such deep levels of wisdom, compassion, love, consideration... Things that I will take into the world and help others with along the way.
I constantly see people sick from cancer (which I know how to cure.) **by the way, I've had cancer during all of this and cured my own cancer.
Once I move forward with my life, I'm going to continue to live it to the fullest extent, appreciating things in new ways each day. And more than that, dedicate as much as my selfless soul can provide to others that are sick. I hold many answers in my wisdom that I've come across, And I feel like this is my mission here in this life... So your support and faith in me, means that I can eventually go on to continue helping others the way that I have been in the past year but with even more strength once I am healed. I have dedicated almost the equivalent of a full time job at certain points, to helping others. Although right now I need to take time to heal myself, but this is what my life has become throughout this whole journey. Selflessness. Caring for others that are suffering through illness.
This is a synopsis of my story, believe it or not. I can write several books about the profound things that have happened in my life in between.
There's so many pages of experiences that fit in between all my words as per above. I could go on forever in describing it all.
Thank you for your consideration, love, support. Everything you can offer.
I am open to accepting advice, knowledge, wisdom, hearing other's stories, helping others that are suffering from illness, pretty much anything I can do to benefit this world. So if you aren't able to donate, know that you can help in other ways as well, even if it's just to say that you love and consider me, and that you had taken the time to read part of my story here. It means the world to me to have this love from people after... An entire lifetime not knowing support, compassion, love, health in the ways that I needed.
Thank you, I love you!
Any extra money contributed goes towards donations for helping others that I know. And I know quite a few people that are in need of this same support... Your genoristy means the world in the dark world of Lyme Disease.