Help Husband Struggling with PTSD

This is going to be the hardest post to write, but I need some encouragement and help.

Jacob, my husband, and I have been together for almost 2 ½ years now. In July we are going to have our two year wedding anniversary. I met Jacob in college and we fell for each other sooner than thought possible. We were quickly engaged, and then married. The December after we were married, we found out we were expecting a baby. He is 8 months old, and the love of our lives.
                         (Our boy putting his daddy to sleep)

But I want to tell you about the dark times during our marriage. A little back story, when Jacob was a little kid, his father physically and psychologically abused him. His father had some mental illnesses that were not diagnosed, and we have been told he was likely beaten by his father as well. Although Jacob's parents were divorced when he was three, the effects of getting abused stayed with him. The abuse continued up until Jacob started kindergarten.

Because of this abuse, Jacob has developed a severe form of PTSD. He often gets flashbacks of back when he was a child.  While we were dating, I knew about these flashbacks, and always helped him through them. I would watch him while he curled into a ball and cried for it to stop, trying to shield the attacks that weren't there. They only happened once a week, and didn’t last very long. He was always exhausted and in pain afterwards, but we kept going. However, soon after we were married, it got worse.

About two months after we were married, the attacks started happening daily. He would fall on the ground, and he would be stuck in his mind. I could only watch as he relived those painful moments, over and over again, and I was helpless during the whole thing. He ended up losing his job because he was unable to control these attacks, falling out of his chair several times and having an ambulance called for him.
           (At the hospital making sure everything is okay)

He started counseling for a couple months and it seemed to help but they dropped him because the therapist didn’t have time for another client. That sent him into a spiral. For weeks he couldn’t even go outside. He would lie in bed, wander around, fall on the floor and have flashbacks. This was early in my pregnancy, and I was also very sick. Every single day I would wake up, knowing that my husband wasn’t here. The person in bed, fitfully sleeping wouldn’t wake up to be my loving husband who loves to make me laugh. He was just a little boy, scared for his life. This was in March of 2016. We had no idea how challenging the following year would be.

We went to doctors and put him on medication. We went to hospitals, hoping they would help. None of the medications seemed to work for him. They either made him extremely sick, or would make him a husk of a human being. The only thing that we have found that makes him my husband again, is marijuana. Since we started that, he’s been able to go outside again without having a flashback. He’ll go to the store with me, and be the person I love. The problem is that we live in Idaho, and it is illegal. In order for my husband to even function in life, we are criminals.

We are saving as much as we can, so we can move down to Arizona, where we can be next to supporting family and friends, and also get the medication we need. But I’m only working a part time job. I can’t leave my own husband home to watch our sweet child, in fear that my husband will be on the floor when I get home, and my child screaming for help in his crib.

We are getting help with food and with rent. These kindnesses will never be forgotten. Unfortunately, we are residing in a state that does not allow us to possess this life changing drug.

 We need this move. Please help my husband and my family.  Thank you to those who have helped, and who continue to help. We love you.