Julia's transitioning journey
Donation protected
This fund-raiser has been set up to help raise funds for someone very dear to us – our beloved ballet teacher, Julia, who has touched and changed so many lives. She has taught us to be so much more confident about ourselves, to believe in ourselves and to be more mentally tough, focused and determined. So it is ironic that this very woman is now lacking self-confidence and not putting herself out there and being as wonderful as she should be. Her friends around the world have asked her to set up a fund so they can contribute to help her out, and we’re doing this on her behalf. All of us who have been touched by Julia at some point in our lives, let us all band together and help her out. This is her story as told to us....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi! My name is Julia and this should have been my happiest year. Earlier this year, I finally fulfilled my lifelong dream of living as a woman, having lived my life as Tibor, a gay man who always felt that I should have been born female. Having gone through hormone treatments in secret since 14 months ago, I announced that I was transgendering and started living as Julia in February this year. I always knew it was going to be a difficult journey which I was very prepared for, but it has been a lot more challenging than I expected. People treat me differently, look at me differently, whisper and speculate about me within my ear-range, and I’ve even been told to my face – “you look like a freak – you should go and die”. But the biggest thing that has hit me so, so hard is that my parents and brother feel the same way. They have not been able to accept the way that I look – they call me disgusting, tell me that I look like a man dressed as a female prostitute and that I should be ashamed of myself living this life. While I started out feeling really ecstatic that I could finally live the life that I have craved for, it feels like I’m now living a nightmare – I have lost all my confidence and feel afraid and ashamed. I can’t look at people in the eye and even when I drive, I drive with my head down....I constantly feel that people are staring at me, which makes me feel even more like a freak. But one thing is for sure, I know that no matter how hard this journey will be, I never want to go back living as a man....my dream has come true, and I’ve never been happier. I wake up as a woman and I feel happy every day. Then when I think of my beloved family, my heart-breaks. It is the extreme of bitter-sweet.
I have decided that the most important thing to me at this moment would be to gain my own self-confidence back, and to be accepted by those most important to me; I would love not to feel bullied on the street every day and not to be spoken to in a degrading way. I want nothing more than to get to a stage where I really look like a woman, and not just a man dressed up as a woman - it would mean everything to me. But all the experts I’ve consulted tell me that to achieve this, I will need female feminisation surgery. While hormones have helped me to a certain extent there are certain male features - such as my jawline, forehead, nose and eyebrows that cannot be changed through hormone treatment. I need to undergo surgery and while I know it will be a painful experience, I know it will be worth the pain. I know I will do anything for my own confidence, and also for my parents, so they will not feel embarrassed to be seen with me. The only thing that is standing in the way right now is financial. The surgery will cost AUD22,000, in addition to the AUD35,000 that I’m trying to save up for, for my Sex Reassignment Surgery which I also wish to undergo in the future. Not to mention the hormone treatments, 6-weekly laser treatments and electrolysis treatments I've also been having.
I feel extremely embarrassed to be asking for help, but my childhood friends at school and ballet school, and my ex ballet teachers and my ex ballet colleagues around the world have asked me to set up a fund, as they would all love to support me. In all this distress, of course, I cannot stop wishing that I had been born female. Oh, how easy that would have been!
Ever since I was a child, I’ve always dreamt about being a girl. But coming from a strict and religious family, it was never something I could talk about, or express openly. Luckily, I was accepted into the Royal Swedish Ballet School at the age of 9 and had something to keep very focused on. I didn’t have as much time thinking about being a girl and hating my penis when I was dancing and striving for the next level. But I always did want to be pretty, and always wanted to be the ones in the tutus and pointe shoes. I remember going to my mother’s room when she was out and trying on her brassieres and her shoes and clothes. I just knew that I wanted to be female. I hung out mostly with girlfriends, doing girly things, and other than when I was dancing, those times were my greatest hours of enjoyment - I wore their dresses, played with their dolls, played with make-up and read their girly magazines with them. (My reddish lips were give-aways when I got home and more than once, my mum threatened to beat me if she ever saw lipstick on me again!)
In those days, transgendering was never talked about on TV and we didn’t have the internet like we do now. I had no idea that there were such things as hormone treatments and sex reassignment surgeries. I thought that at best I would just have to play dress-ups for the rest of my life.
When I was given the opportunity to join Les Ballet Trockadero de Monte Carlo. it was the most amazing feeling. Everyday I would get ready with my make-up, put on my pointe shoes and tutu, looked like a girl, felt like a girl and danced as a girl. The best thing was that I felt accepted and loved by the audience. I could be myself on stage for a few hours and dance ballet at the same time – the 2 most important things in my life. But unfortunately, this always lasted for 3 hours only before I had to go back to the reality of being a man.
My transgender journey started 14 months ago when my 14-year relationship ended. I am lucky that I’ve remained great friends with my ex and he continues to be there for me in my life. The break however, allowed me to have a good think about who I really was; it allowed me to go out as a woman and enjoy a few hours at a time, as a woman. Which made me realise more and more that that was what I wanted - that I wanted to live as a woman, 24/7. I sought help, had a psychiatric assessment with a psychiatrist, and he clearly saw that in my mind, I am a woman, and have been living as a woman. He referred me to a hormone specialist and the rest, as they say, is history. I told my best friend (and ex) about my decision first, then together with my new partner, we told my parents. Right after, my best friend and I decided how we’d tell all our ballet students.
While it’s been an amazing journey, and I couldn’t be happier, it has also been a crazy roller-coaster. And that’s where we are today. I am embarrassed to be reaching out for financial help, but it would mean so, so much to me to be able to get another step closer to my life-long dream. Thanks everyone. Julia.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi! My name is Julia and this should have been my happiest year. Earlier this year, I finally fulfilled my lifelong dream of living as a woman, having lived my life as Tibor, a gay man who always felt that I should have been born female. Having gone through hormone treatments in secret since 14 months ago, I announced that I was transgendering and started living as Julia in February this year. I always knew it was going to be a difficult journey which I was very prepared for, but it has been a lot more challenging than I expected. People treat me differently, look at me differently, whisper and speculate about me within my ear-range, and I’ve even been told to my face – “you look like a freak – you should go and die”. But the biggest thing that has hit me so, so hard is that my parents and brother feel the same way. They have not been able to accept the way that I look – they call me disgusting, tell me that I look like a man dressed as a female prostitute and that I should be ashamed of myself living this life. While I started out feeling really ecstatic that I could finally live the life that I have craved for, it feels like I’m now living a nightmare – I have lost all my confidence and feel afraid and ashamed. I can’t look at people in the eye and even when I drive, I drive with my head down....I constantly feel that people are staring at me, which makes me feel even more like a freak. But one thing is for sure, I know that no matter how hard this journey will be, I never want to go back living as a man....my dream has come true, and I’ve never been happier. I wake up as a woman and I feel happy every day. Then when I think of my beloved family, my heart-breaks. It is the extreme of bitter-sweet.
I have decided that the most important thing to me at this moment would be to gain my own self-confidence back, and to be accepted by those most important to me; I would love not to feel bullied on the street every day and not to be spoken to in a degrading way. I want nothing more than to get to a stage where I really look like a woman, and not just a man dressed up as a woman - it would mean everything to me. But all the experts I’ve consulted tell me that to achieve this, I will need female feminisation surgery. While hormones have helped me to a certain extent there are certain male features - such as my jawline, forehead, nose and eyebrows that cannot be changed through hormone treatment. I need to undergo surgery and while I know it will be a painful experience, I know it will be worth the pain. I know I will do anything for my own confidence, and also for my parents, so they will not feel embarrassed to be seen with me. The only thing that is standing in the way right now is financial. The surgery will cost AUD22,000, in addition to the AUD35,000 that I’m trying to save up for, for my Sex Reassignment Surgery which I also wish to undergo in the future. Not to mention the hormone treatments, 6-weekly laser treatments and electrolysis treatments I've also been having.
I feel extremely embarrassed to be asking for help, but my childhood friends at school and ballet school, and my ex ballet teachers and my ex ballet colleagues around the world have asked me to set up a fund, as they would all love to support me. In all this distress, of course, I cannot stop wishing that I had been born female. Oh, how easy that would have been!
Ever since I was a child, I’ve always dreamt about being a girl. But coming from a strict and religious family, it was never something I could talk about, or express openly. Luckily, I was accepted into the Royal Swedish Ballet School at the age of 9 and had something to keep very focused on. I didn’t have as much time thinking about being a girl and hating my penis when I was dancing and striving for the next level. But I always did want to be pretty, and always wanted to be the ones in the tutus and pointe shoes. I remember going to my mother’s room when she was out and trying on her brassieres and her shoes and clothes. I just knew that I wanted to be female. I hung out mostly with girlfriends, doing girly things, and other than when I was dancing, those times were my greatest hours of enjoyment - I wore their dresses, played with their dolls, played with make-up and read their girly magazines with them. (My reddish lips were give-aways when I got home and more than once, my mum threatened to beat me if she ever saw lipstick on me again!)
In those days, transgendering was never talked about on TV and we didn’t have the internet like we do now. I had no idea that there were such things as hormone treatments and sex reassignment surgeries. I thought that at best I would just have to play dress-ups for the rest of my life.
When I was given the opportunity to join Les Ballet Trockadero de Monte Carlo. it was the most amazing feeling. Everyday I would get ready with my make-up, put on my pointe shoes and tutu, looked like a girl, felt like a girl and danced as a girl. The best thing was that I felt accepted and loved by the audience. I could be myself on stage for a few hours and dance ballet at the same time – the 2 most important things in my life. But unfortunately, this always lasted for 3 hours only before I had to go back to the reality of being a man.
My transgender journey started 14 months ago when my 14-year relationship ended. I am lucky that I’ve remained great friends with my ex and he continues to be there for me in my life. The break however, allowed me to have a good think about who I really was; it allowed me to go out as a woman and enjoy a few hours at a time, as a woman. Which made me realise more and more that that was what I wanted - that I wanted to live as a woman, 24/7. I sought help, had a psychiatric assessment with a psychiatrist, and he clearly saw that in my mind, I am a woman, and have been living as a woman. He referred me to a hormone specialist and the rest, as they say, is history. I told my best friend (and ex) about my decision first, then together with my new partner, we told my parents. Right after, my best friend and I decided how we’d tell all our ballet students.
While it’s been an amazing journey, and I couldn’t be happier, it has also been a crazy roller-coaster. And that’s where we are today. I am embarrassed to be reaching out for financial help, but it would mean so, so much to me to be able to get another step closer to my life-long dream. Thanks everyone. Julia.
Organizer
Julia Elle Jòkai
Organizer
Lane Cove DC, NSW