Help Me Fight Police Misconduct and Seek Accountability

My name is Oliver Baez Bendorf, and I am a queer, trans, Latinx poet, educator, and former Teen Librarian at the Boulder Public Library.

Today, I’m reaching out for your support as I continue a battle that has upended my life and left me fighting for justice.

Background:

In September 2023, while on duty at the library, I was falsely accused of theft by City of Boulder Police. Though the charges were eventually dropped, the damage had just begun. This wrongful accusation completely upended my life, causing severe trauma that led to a diagnosis of PTSD. Just a day later, I was supposed to present to sixth graders about banned books and censorship. But instead, I was charged with a crime, placed on administrative leave and, eventually, forced to medically resign. Now I am on long-term disability and unable to return to any library setting due to the trauma I experienced.

The emotional toll has been immense. One of the items returned to me after my resignation was a print that read “Library as Safe Haven”—a sanctuary that should have been sacred. That image, which once symbolized my deep belief in libraries as spaces of sanctuary and safety, now serves as a painful reminder of the shattered trust and dignity I’ve endured.

The Battle for Transparency and Accountability:

Since then, I’ve been fighting for justice, but the process has been long, grueling, and filled with bureaucratic delays and obstacles that have deepened my emotional and financial strain.

In my pursuit of transparency, I’ve filed Colorado Open Records Act (CORA) requests to access documents and information about what happened. The library quoted me an inflated fee of $14,000—an outrageous barrier clearly meant to discourage transparency. After pushing back, the library released some records, but records revealed significant gaps and issues, in addition to raising new concerns.

Meanwhile, additional records delays and obstructions continue to hinder full transparency. When I began this fundraiser, neither the City nor the police had fulfilled their obligations to provide crucial records. The City of Boulder’s Central Records office eventually released documents, but only after my attorney stepped in, and they were provided past the legal deadline. These records contained troubling omissions and inconsistencies and new concerns, adding to the emotional weight of this process while underscoring systemic failures.

While the police have stated they’ve fulfilled my request, the investigative file I received is disturbing, heavy to process, and requires careful review to confirm its completeness. Additionally, paramedic records from the incident remain unavailable. The private EMS company the City redirected me to has been unable to locate them for nearly seven weeks. Access to these records is critical to understanding the full scope of what happened and holding those responsible accountable. These delays and missing information remain significant barriers on my path to accountability.

With your support, I can take the necessary legal steps to move forward in this complex and difficult process.

Why I Need Your Help:

I’m asking for your support to cover the legal fees necessary for the next phase of my fight for accountability and justice. This ordeal has taken so much from me—my career, my health, my peace of mind—but I remain committed to ensuring that the responsible parties are held accountable.

Retaining an attorney is a powerful step forward, but it’s only the beginning. Legal representation at this level involves hundreds of dollars per hour as we press forward with actions needed to protect my rights and pursue justice. Every step requires careful attention that can quickly accumulate into significant costs. Your support will directly fund these critical legal services, helping me sustain this effort over the long term.

Any remaining funds will be used to cover past legal fees and medical expenses related to PTSD, which have accumulated throughout this long battle.

The toll this process has taken on me—emotionally and financially—has been immense, far beyond what I’ve been able to recover. Your support is critical in helping me rebuild and continue this fight.

Through this difficult journey, art has been an important part of my healing process. This self-portrait, which I’ve included here, reflects both the humor and pain that come with surviving the trauma.

How You Can Help:

Right now, your immediate support is crucial to advancing this fight for justice. Every contribution helps me break through bureaucratic barriers and push forward toward transparency and accountability.

I deeply appreciate your generosity and support during this difficult time. Thank you for joining me in this fight for justice.

Why This Matters:

This fight isn’t just about me—it’s about setting a precedent for challenging police misconduct, systemic discrimination, and ensuring that marginalized people are treated with dignity in the workplace and beyond. As a queer, trans, Latinx person, I carry the strength of my communities and the power of those who came before us. Seeking justice when institutions fail us is vital. Together, we can hold those responsible accountable and make a future where no one else endures what I’ve faced.

With your solidarity, we’re not just supporting one person’s battle—we’re coming together for justice, transparency, and accountability in the face of systemic wrongdoing. Together, we can make sure that no one has to endure this kind of trauma alone.

With deep gratitude, and the strength that comes from knowing I’m not alone in this fight, I move forward with hope and determination. Thank you for supporting me and fighting alongside me.

—Oliver Baez Bendorf

PREVIOUS UPDATES:

Update #9 (November 25, 2024): Accountability is Possible, 75% Funded!

Dear friends,

Thanks to this incredible community, we’ve reached 75% of our goal—over $10,000 raised to fuel this fight for accountability and justice. Your support is a constant source of strength and determination for me. Every donation, share, and word of encouragement is helping move this forward, step by step.

Since my last update, I’ve been doing the deeply emotional work of reviewing records related to the case—work that’s crucial for understanding the full scope of what happened and holding those responsible accountable. It’s challenging, but knowing I have this community behind me makes all the difference.

Your generosity has covered critical legal fees, enforced Open Records deadlines, and allowed me to take key steps forward in this fight. I’m committed to transparency and justice, and with your continued support, I know we can reach this goal together.

Next milestone: $12,000. Let’s keep building this momentum. Together, we’re proving that accountability is possible and that love and solidarity are stronger than anything meant to harm or intimidate.

With so much gratitude,

Oliver

Update #8 (November 19, 2024): Your Impact—Thank You!

Update: Thanks to your generosity, we’ve raised $9,261—69% of the way to the goal!

This progress has already made an incredible impact:

✨ I’ve been able to retain an experienced and dedicated lawyer.

✨ Together, we've enforced key Open Records deadlines, advancing transparency.

✨ Next, we’ll continue pressing forward with critical steps, including securing paramedic records.

Every win brings us closer to accountability and healing, but the financial costs are significant. Retainers and hourly legal fees add up quickly, but they are necessary investments in creating meaningful change.

Your continued support—through donations, shares, or kind words—keeps this fight moving forward. Let’s push to $10K this week and build even more momentum together.

Thank you for being part of this work for justice, care, and accountability.

Update #7 (November 13, 2024): That Better World We're Fighting For

Dear friends,

"Whose crow can scare away the devil and rouse the dead back to life."

This line is from the title poem of my new book, Consider the Rooster. Lately, I’ve been thinking about roosters—(surprise, surprise)—their instinct to protect, their irrepressible calls at dawn. In this world where systems hammer away against the vulnerable, my fight for justice, healing, and accountability feels like a rooster’s crow: both a warning and a hope.

Thanks to 162 incredible donors, we’ve now raised $8,491—63% of our goal! Your unwavering support—whether through donations, sharing my story, or sending encouraging words—continues to propel this fight forward.

In the past week, I’ve made more meaningful strides in my legal journey. Reviewing key records has been both necessary and deeply emotional—a process of untangling roots hidden beneath the surface. It’s painful and messy but also vital and empowering. This work is ongoing, and knowing this community is behind me gives me the courage to persist. Your solidarity reminds me that I’m not navigating this road alone.

Every single contribution—big or small—has been life-changing. I’m especially grateful to those who’ve joined in recent days, bringing fresh energy to this effort. You’re helping me hold my ground against systems that too often go unchecked.

We’re fighting for an alternative landscape where what happened to me doesn’t happen to anyone. I want that world. We deserve it.

I wrote in the poem that opens my new collection, Consider the Rooster, "I need everyone I love. I’m too tired." And it’s true: I need you, and I’m endlessly grateful you’ve chosen to join me in this journey. This process has felt like moving through a storm to find the sun. Each step reminds me of your care and support, helping me hold on to hope and keep going.

Next Milestone: $10,000

We’re just $1,509 away from reaching $10K—an incredible milestone that would bring us to nearly 75% of our total goal. Every share or donation, no matter the size, helps us get there.

Injustice thrives on isolation, and our solidarity is a real antidote. Your support isn’t just helping me navigate this legal process; it’s helping me stay whole enough to keep creating and contributing. This fight is about justice—and about ensuring I can continue showing up for myself, my communities, my work, and our shared vision of a more just and equitable world.

Thank you for being part of this effort when the world asks too much.

With deep gratitude and hope,

Oliver

Update #6 (November 12, 2024): Gratitude and Progress—63% Funded!

"Whose crow can scare away the devil and rouse the dead back to life." This line is from the title poem of my new book, Consider the Rooster. Lately, I’ve been thinking about roosters—(surprise, surprise)—their instinct to protect, their irrepressible calls at dawn. In this world where systems hammer away against the vulnerable, my fight for justice, healing, and accountability feels like a rooster’s crow: both a warning and a hope.

Thanks to 162 incredible donors, we’ve now raised $8,491—63% of our goal! Your unwavering support—whether through donations, sharing my story, or sending encouraging words—continues to propel this fight forward.

In the past week, I’ve made more meaningful strides in my legal journey. Reviewing key records has been both necessary and deeply emotional—a process of untangling roots hidden beneath the surface. It’s painful and messy but also vital and empowering. This work is ongoing, and knowing this community is behind me gives me the courage to persist. Your solidarity reminds me that I’m not navigating this road alone.

Every single contribution—big or small—has been life-changing. I’m especially grateful to those who’ve joined in recent days, bringing fresh energy to this effort. You’re helping me hold my ground against systems that too often go unchecked.

We’re fighting for an alternative landscape where what happened to me doesn’t happen to anyone. I want that world. We deserve it.

I wrote in the poem that opens my new collection, Consider the Rooster, "I need everyone I love. I’m too tired." And it’s true: I need you, and I’m endlessly grateful you’ve chosen to join me in this journey. This process has felt like moving through a storm to find the sun. Each step reminds me of your care and support, helping me hold on to hope and keep going.

Next Milestone: $10,000

We’re just $1,509 away from reaching $10K—an incredible milestone that would bring us to nearly 75% of our total goal. Every share or donation, no matter the size, helps us get there.

Injustice thrives on isolation, and our solidarity is a real antidote. Your support isn’t just helping me navigate this legal process; it’s helping me stay whole enough to keep creating and contributing. This fight is about justice—and about ensuring I can continue showing up for myself, my communities, my work, and our shared vision of a more just and equitable world.

Thank you for being part of this effort when the world asks too much.

Update #5 (November 5, 2024): A Year Since My “Exoneration Party”

One year ago, on November 4, 2023, I hosted what I called my “exoneration party.” I took a brief pause from the nightmarish whirlwind of the case to have family over—including my dachshund nephew Casper—to watch the Nuggets basketball game. It wasn’t exactly a celebration; a friend described the charge being dropped as "a sword pulled out," obviously a relief, but one that left harm. A PTSD diagnosis and more questions than answers. The criminal defense part of my case had ended, but so much was still to come.

That night offered a glimpse of normalcy and togetherness, a moment to breathe. Since then, I continue to find strength in this incredible community. Thanks to each of you, we’ve reached 55% of our goal, which has allowed me to take critical steps forward with my lawyer in this fight. Your support—every share, donation, and word of encouragement—has been my anchor.

Thank you for being with me on this path through each milestone, big and small. Your solidarity means the world to me, and together, I believe we can reach 100% and continue this journey toward justice.

Update #4 (October 28, 2024): Over 50% Funded—Thank You!

We’ve officially crossed the halfway point, now at $6,716 thanks to each of you who’ve donated, shared, and sent words of support. Seeing this momentum brings me a whole new level of hope and strength. Thank you for helping me take these first critical legal steps, for lifting this weight, and for believing in this fight for justice. Now, every share, every donation, every encouraging word propels us closer to our goal and toward full accountability. Retaining a lawyer was a crucial first step, but the journey toward justice is far from over. While the initial retainer allowed us to start, legal representation at this level comes with ongoing costs—hundreds of dollars per hour—as we press forward in the process. Legal costs can quickly mount as we pursue every necessary course of action to hold those responsible accountable. Your continued support will make a real difference in enabling me to sustain this effort.

If you can, please consider sharing this campaign with your networks or adding your support. Thank you, from the bottom of my tired yet hopeful heart, for being with me on this journey. Together, we’re creating real change.

Update #3 (October 23, 2024): Legal Retainer Secured—Gratitude & Next Steps

I’m excited to share some good news—today, I officially secured legal representation for this next stage of my fight for justice! Thanks to your incredible support, I was able to retain a lawyer who is fully committed to helping me navigate this process and explore the best path forward. Knowing that I now have a strong legal team in my corner gives me a sense of hope and renewed strength. I can’t express how much it means to me to have the backing of so many amazing people—writers, librarians, artists, teachers, students, friends, family, and supporters like you. The fact that we hit $5,000 today, and I was able to pay the legal retainer because of your contributions, is incredible. I signed that check for all of us—your support is making an immediate and tangible impact, and I feel more confident than ever in pursuing transparency and justice. Thank you all for joining me throughout this journey. Your continued solidarity is my strength. Let’s keep building on this momentum together.

Photo: Just after getting home from the meeting, feeling hopeful and ready to keep going.

Update #2 (October 22, 2024): New Records Received—A Challenging Discovery

Today has been a whirlwind of emotions. I finally received some of the records I’ve been working to access from the police, and what I’ve uncovered so far has left me shaken. Among the files are things I never imagined would be part of my case—a copy of my author headshot, zoomed-in photos of my personal belongings, and surveillance footage of me at work, filmed from multiple angles while I was simply doing my job.

Seeing these images has made me feel physically ill. The way I’ve been portrayed, scrutinized, and surveilled raises deeply troubling questions, casting doubt on the very systems I once trusted. This isn’t just an invasion of privacy; it’s a betrayal by institutions I believed in, and dedicated myself to serving. It was equally painful to read phrases from the dispatch report like "breathing problem," "he is not completely alert," "he is changing color." These descriptions were relayed to the police dispatcher over the phone by a witness to the psychological shock I experienced, and I am still awaiting the paramedic's official records. Meanwhile, the City of Boulder has missed its legal deadline to fulfill a separate records request. The city’s ongoing bad faith is only making the pain more acute.

But here’s what keeps me going: you. Today, we’ve reached $4,120, and knowing that so many of you have joined me during this painful journey gives me the strength I need to keep fighting. Your support is not just helping me stay in this fight—it’s renewing my resolve, reminding me that this is a battle I’m not facing alone.

I took this photo on a hike with my family this weekend. It was a moment of peace and beauty, reminding me that even in tough times, I am surrounded by love and support. Thank you for being part of that support. Let’s continue to build on this momentum and push forward together.

Update #1 (October 21, 2024): $1,500 Milestone—Deep Gratitude

We’ve reached $1,500! I’m truly blown away by the support so far. Thanks to 35 generous donations, we’ve already hit this major milestone in just a short time. Your kindness and solidarity are making it possible for me to move forward with my legal fight, and I couldn’t do this without you. There’s still a long road ahead, but knowing I have this community behind me gives me so much strength. Let’s keep up the momentum—whether by sharing or donating, every bit helps.

Your Support Moves Me Beyond Words:

This journey is far from over, and every bit of support makes a real difference. Whether through donating or sharing this campaign with your circles, your help brings us one step closer to justice. Thank you for standing with me—together, we’re building a path forward.