Kaila and Nick start IVF

Those who know me, know I do not like asking for money or even help. After losing 3 pregnancies and one of my Fallopian tubes I’m so desperate for a baby I’ve asked quite a few people to have babies for me even if it’s not my own DNA. I’ve looked into adoption and even had a 13 year old foster kid. I’ve begged to a God Im not sure exists. Nothing has worked out and I’m convinced it won’t. Every month that I’m not pregnant I just get more and more upset. I cry so much. I don’t like being vulnerable, but to be transparent I’ve never felt so much pain losing my babies. As horrible as it sounds, not even when my mom died, did I feel the same pain of losing my babies and everyday the pain gets worse. I know so many woman are going through this, but I feel so alone. To constantly hear “try again, you’re young you have time, at least you’re fertile, you’ll get through this, there’s always adoption” the list goes on forever. Most of my friends have kids going on multiple kids and it’s just so hard to watch them be so happy. I hate to say it, but I’ve had so many feelings of resentment. I love my friends and their kids so much I can’t stand to have any type of animosity towards them. I feel resentment towards my fiancé because he has a daughter. Although these were his babies he lost too I’ve convinced myself that he will never understand how hard it is to lose a baby because he already had one of his own (I know that’s selfish). He’s such a great father and he wants another baby so bad and I would be the luckiest person to raise a child with him I feel like a failure for taking away his happiness because man he was sooo happy when he found out I was pregnant each time. He never had any doubt or worry that the pregnancies were gonna fail. To see his face drop and to watch him cry after every one of our pregnancies failed always sits in the back of my mind. The loss was greater because I foolishly let everyone know I was pregnant. I got my stepdaughter excited for a sibling, I got my dad excited for a grandchild, I got my brother excited for his first niece/nephew, I got everyone excited for ME. As typical as this sounds I DESERVE a child. I deserve a chance to be a mother because I would be a great one. And I KNOW my child will be so loved because all the great people in my life with so much love to give. The people that know how long I’ve wanted to be a mother and the pain I’ve went through to get there and to keep trying even though I feel like giving up everyday because I’m so mentally and emotionally drained. I would love this child so much BECAUSE of the pain I’ve went through. Originally I said I would only do IVF if I lost my other tube, but I can’t wait any longer I’m so ready to grow our family, so I’m putting my ego aside and I’m BEGGING please to help us out.