Kallista's Transition

Hello everyone! I am so happy to see you here. I would like to share my story with you, please read until the end:

In 1989, I was born in Warren, MI as a boy to a struggling single mother. Those days aren’t what I remember, because due to her struggles, I was taken by the state and it wasn't but when I was about a year old that my brother and I were adopted by a family in Mason. I’m not going to talk about the issues my birth mother faced, because I have since forgiven her for her mistakes.

I grew up mostly disconnected. My family was mostly a loving family, but pretty heavily religious, as I would also come to be. I remember being closest to my brother, and one of my sisters. I was also really close to my mom, the woman I call mom, because she’s the one who raised me. I have pretty much always felt like a girl. I have fond memories of hanging out playing with my sisters Barbies.

I loved the out doors but found it hard to want to do “manly” things as a child because it didn’t feel right.

I definitely got the opposite of support from certain family members. Gender roles and behavior were pretty heavily pushed. Add in several instances of sexual abuse and that just made my desire to not be male 10xs more intense. I’m also not going to talk about who abused me at this time as I’ve tried very hard to forgive them and it serves no purpose at this time.

Growing up in the Lutheran home, we were always taught a conservative life. Men grew up to work tough jobs, go to the military (or else lack value as a man), provide for the women, date and marry only a woman, and be as masculine as possible. Being gay or transgender was definitely frowned upon and if I had come out then I’m sure it would have caused a lot more issues and possibly even increased the abuse. (Part of me still thinks the abuse was related to my sometimes feminine behavior.) My grandparents lived on one side of a duplex house they built with my parents, my grandmother was very religious and my grandfather was an elder in church. So I tried very hard to burry it. I do have memories of being fairly obsessed with the idea of makeup as a young child, and even getting in trouble for getting into some that belonged to my sisters or grandmother more than once. I tried to burry this behavior and identity in myself by overcompensating. I wanted to hunt and fish with my dad more than anything. Craft with my grandfather. Which I did develop a lot of skills and hobbies I still enjoy so it wasn’t all bad, but it still felt disconnected and strange.

My sisters were either much older or went off to college Or started their own lives by the time I was 12, and my brother ended up leaving the home when I was 11/12 I think was the age. Due to a family catastrophe, I was left to my own devices a lot.It wasn’t much longer after that when I started experimenting with a feminine name and entertained the idea internally. But even at church, this was all taught to be wrong. So I kept it hidden as best I could or pushed it down internally.

At 13, I think it was, I ended up trying on “girl clothes” for the first time and looked in the mirror and felt ecstatic. This seemed closer to who I felt I was. But I was eventually caught by my mom. It was embarrassing, but my mom was actually fairly supportive. She told me I could be anything I wanted to be, but I couldn’t be it until I was 18 and moved out because my grandparents would be the opposite of supportive and my behavior would tear the family apart. So I hid it, and so did she. I became an acolyte in church, convinced I could serve God enough or pray to him enough and he would take the feelings away. Needless to say, that’s not how things work.

At 18, my mom passed away after a two and a half year struggle with synovial sarcoma. My world felt shattered. About a week later I suffered a psychotic break from all the stress and ended up coming out to my girlfriend at the time. She was pretty accepting. It was nice to have someone I could talk to about my identity without fear for rejection. I tried counseling but the worker I saw wasn’t supportive of anything and listened to family more than me. So I found my own. My first psychologist was super cool and very supportive.

I also met my birth mother at 19. We’ve stayed in contact and I’ve tried to build a good relationship with her, but sadly life keeps me working to the point I’m insanely busy.

Eventually my dad moved north and I tried to stay in the family home but couldn’t afford it, nor my counselor. I wasn’t mentally in a good place and work and my personal life and relationships with pretty much everyone suffered because of it. I tried to shove it back down and join the military and that didn’t turn out.

So I went to college, where I found my calling wanting to design games and play games for a living. My first child was born while I was there at 23 years old. I had to drop out to work to provide for him and myself. And I’ve basically been struggling since.

My second kid was born when I was 26. His mother and I discussed my identity at length in the months prior. She was somewhat supportive but shocked. I moved in with her and her parents in January of 2015, but because of this struggle with my identity and a number of other issues, I had a disagreement with her father and it ended with him pulling a knife on me, me leaving for my safety and him going to jail.

He should have been charged with domestic violence but without my input, which is supposed to legally be taken into consideration, they dropped his charges down to disturbing the peace, so I was unable to get help and was from that point homeless. I went to a mission to stay at and work in their back to work program. As I said, my second child was born that summer, while I was there. I spent most of my money giving it to his mother to support him and get us a place but she didn’t use any of it for that.

While at the mission, I decided to come out. I couldn’t come out to them or I would have been kicked out of the program and the mission immediately, but I came out to the rest of the world. I decided I couldn’t be a good parent to either of my children if I wasn’t 100% honest with myself nor them. But my time there did run out as they don’t let you stay forever. My credit sucked because I made some poor life choices so I couldn’t get into an apartment nor rent a home, so instead I stayed at a motel.

Eventually my work hours got cut and I ran out of money and was going to be homeless again. My mother contacted me and got me a job working at a traveling carnival. It was a pretty good situation. They provided housing and paid really well. I ended up staying with them and currently still do carnival work. Though, I did end up splitting with my second kids mom as well. She couldn’t be with a woman romantically and had been cheating and couldn’t take it when I told her I wouldn’t support her boyfriend nor her mother on top of taking care of myself, her, and our child, and my other child. I’ve been able to pay off a lot of debt and get my credit to a point where I can finally get an apartment.

While at the carnival I met an amazing woman who was super supportive of my identity and life. We dated on and off and ended up getting married in July of last year. Then the switch flipped. She turned super manipulative and abusive. It was an extremely toxic life, but being stubborn I tried hard to make it work. My child support quadrupled itself that summer. I saved what I could, which by close to the end of the season was close to $2,600. She decided she didn’t want to be loyal nor remain married so she left. But the day she left, she took with her my entire savings. I say mine rather than ours because she never contributed to it, and much of it would have paid my child support for the winter in case I struggled to keep work. In the carnival business, most workers don’t work during the winter and have to find other jobs until the season starts.

We are nearing that point again. That is why I am asking for this help.

I worked originally for the largest traveling carnival in North America. I made decent money overall. And I spent it responsibly. Got my own transportation. Tried to see my kids at every opportunity. Paid off debt so I didn’t have to crash with friends anymore during the winter. However, in June, I was fired from my job for multiple reasons: one was that I wasn’t paid for part of the beginning of the season until a month after I did work. I had to threaten to report them to the state just to get my money out of them, and it hadn’t been the first time that situation occurred. Another is that I pressured the company to do something about a worker that sexually assaulted my wife. Even though we aren’t together and the divorce is rough and she’s dragging it out, no one deserves to be sexually assaulted. No one deserves to have their place of employment be toxic about it and say it was their fault because they’re sex positive. So I pressured them to do the right thing. Their response to these two things was demand that I sign my divorce papers (my wife lied and told them I refused to sign them, when I had actually agreed but she refused to go to the notary because they have to be signed in front of a notary. They have since been signed in front of a notary but she has not filed them and they were signed in June.) and to go apologize to the payroll lady for being “rude and for threatening to take her to court” and then harassed over my divorce and called homophobic and transphobic slurs. I actually faced a lot of homophobia and transphobia on that show, and nothing was ever done about it unless I did it myself. I have the majority of this documented on tape or through papers and witness statements. But I was fired when I stood up to the owner and told him his behavior and the shows was both unacceptable and illegal.

So I got a job immediately on another show. I drove all the way out to Minnesota. The job was ok but it was a MUCH smaller show. I didn’t make the money they had promised. They also promised to not tolerate transphobia but this was not the case. Their ride supervisor was prone to violence and threats and tried to start shit with me for being trans more than once as well as bullied another trans person there. I will not identify this show as I still have friends there and fear for retaliation against the other trans person there, and agreed not to because the woman I worked for actually WAS supportive and at least tried. However, the supervisor there assaulted me because I was trans and I was arguing with the owner, who also tried to fight me, and I had to leave there for my safety.

I joined another show but in the meantime, bills got even more behind. Usually I catch them up in July and August but working smaller shows means way less money and I can’t even keep up with new bills every month.

I’m in a very tough spot. This season has My car has been having troubles. My child support is way behind. My car has broken down multiple times and between all of it, my car has been towed as well.




There is, however, a silver lining. My request for Medicaid has been approved. I can finally start medically transitioning.




I’m asking for this money because I can’t afford my bills and I also can’t afford some of the transition costs. Down on my luck, I need assistance to get back on my feet.

I’m about to be homeless again. I had been approved for an apartment but I’m on a waiting list, and my apartment hasn’t come up. They’re holding my deposit and first months rent until they have an apartment available.

In the meantime I need help to find a place to stay.

I need to get my child support caught up before they decide to jail me, at which point I’ll be unable to provide for my children. And I want to provide for them.

I also need financial help so I can get my car out of the impound, as well as do some repairs on it. I NEED my car to get back and forth to jobs and interviews this winter AND so I can see my kids on a more regular basis. They need their father, even if he is a woman, active in their life. I know what it is like to lose a parent early and to grow up not having a good relationship with your birth parents. As loving as my family was, there is still a hole and so many questions. I don’t want my kids to grow up with that feeling like I did.

And in order for me to medically transition, I need to have surgery done to remove and biopsy multiple lipomas. I have 13 lipomas that I am aware of, and at least 9 of them need to be removed before they are willing to give me hormones. They are afraid the lipomas may grow or turn cancerous if they manipulate my hormones.

And then the hormones are also not going to be 100% covered by my Medicaid. All my doctors visits will be covered. My surgery to remove the lipomas is not going to be covered and my hormone meds will only be partially covered.

That is why I am asking for this assistance. If I am homeless again, I don’t know how I’m going to dig myself back out. Please donate as much as you can. And if you cannot donate, please share with your friends and family. I just need this little break.

Thank you so much also for taking the time to read through my entire story.