Karen "Grandma Kitty"

Losing a mother feels so profound and endless. To me and my brother Tom, the loss is felt daily. Our mother, Karen “Granda Kitty”, passed away about a year ago. She was a wonderful mother. Her family was her life.

Karen was very sick throughout our lives. She was diagnosed with lupus at the young age of 27. The illness took a very hard toll on her body causing numerous health problems with arthritis, Osteoporosis and other ailments which left her in a constant state of pain through the rest of her life. There were days and weeks when she was unable to even get out of bed and spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals and rehabilitation centers. She had surgery after surgery to try and help her mobility. In the end she was diagnosed with leukemia, and she was gone far too soon.

But all of this didn’t stop her from living her life. And she would never want to be remembered for being sick. Through blinding pain, she dressed every day, with makeup, hair, and the perfect earrings for every outfit. She went to all our sporting events and school activities. She ensured we were able to have a good education and she raised us to be caring and kind men. We protected her, took care of her, and loved her in return. We also teased her on her bad days to coax her out of her pain. When she had bad days or her illness flared, we coaxed her out of the pain making sure her life was filled with laughter. We affectionately called her “Toonses” as in the driving cat. That cat was a terrible driver and so was Karen!

“Toonses” turned into “Grandma Kitty” when her grandchildren were born. You could always find her at a family event with a baby on her lap, whispering and giggling like best friends. Even when her body was failing, she wouldn’t hesitate to get down on the floor and play when her grandchildren wanted her. She kept up with each of them on weekly calls and chats about their lives.

Karen was also a beloved sister, aunt, cousin. While she relied on them to help her, she gave anything she had when they needed it. And she was a favorite to sit with at a family party.

Every year, Karen and our family would spend a week at Letchworth State Park. This was her absolute favorite time of year, with everyone together in such a beautiful place. The time she spent there seemed to invigorate her. She never let her lupus stop her from going on her yearly camping trip and there, it seemed, she was in a little less pain.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, the theme in Karen’s life was family. Her family was her whole life. When she couldn’t leave her home, family kept her connected. When she was in terrible pain and ready to give up, her family brought her out of it. When she was her happiest, she was surrounded by family. In Karen’s memory, her family would like to place a bench at her favorite spot in Letchworth State Park, where she spent her happiest times.

The hope is that a child will sit on her bench and feel the love of being in a beautiful place surrounded by the people they love the most. Just like Karen.

Karen Stanley, beloved mother to Micky and Tommy. Beloved grandma to Danielle, Elliot, Becca, Max, Owen, and Summer. Beloved sister. Beloved Aunt. Beloved Cousin. Beloved friend.