Keep A Roof Over My Head & Support My Mental Wellness

I’m not sure how to even start this but here we go. It has taken a lot of thought and discernment of getting to this point and I get to be open and honest. I am not one to ever play the victim in my life at all so my intention is to not be in that space. This is coming from myself and I am currently dealing with my mental health and try to be courageous. I am uncomfortable and feeling so embarrassed swallowing my pride to ask for help from my community. I’m talking about the stress I’m under trying to stay afloat financially to keep a roof over my head and not be homeless.

I am going to share with you how I arrived at this situation and hope that you will have compassion, love, kindness and support me in any way you can.

The entire reason why I started my social media platforms was with the intention to help people because I had spent most of my life suffering with my mental health with debilitating anxiety, 4 years ago learning I have ADHD & went on an entire journey to heal without the support of drugs anymore and never wanted anyone to experience what I have (although I get that is a part of life). So I dove into Personal Development, Therapy, Trauma Work, Healing & Spirituality. I wanted to be the friend/sister I never had and very much needed.

When the pandemic hit - it hit my coaching business too, it affected all of this. And then as I write this it is 4 years ago this week, my Dad was diagnosed as terminally ill with a genetic disease which he succumbed to on December 4th, 2020. This completely through my world upside down. I continued to show up the best that I could to empower my community while feeling like none of it mattered anymore. The grief was unbearable. How can I support other humans when I can barely support myself?

Yet I kept going. I signed on more coaching clients here and there but it truly wasn’t cutting it. I pivoted my business many times & truly have been trying everything under the sun still falling on my face and getting back up and showing up time and time again. I’ve applied to over 100 “corporate” jobs thinking I could do that while I rebuild my business which is my passion.

I decided to launch a social media marketing agency that I wasn’t publicly promoting because the goal was to take the stress off of my coaching to let myself heal and not be so stressed about it. I reached out to hundreds of businesses by cold calling and connected with friends to help with my resume, or to offer help. I even went as far as offering cleaning and assistant type services to people. I needed money. The truth is I realized that the job market is TOUGH.

I have been applying for remote jobs for over a year and other jobs and constantly getting rejected, not even an interview. I did have clients and then they would lose budget and all the same time continuing to find more clients has been the struggle.

I’ve turned myself inside out asking people & networking asking if anyone knows anyone that has a potential job opening and again still hasn’t happened yet. Which I guess again pushed me to work harder on all the skills I do have and know how will bring in money.

And although I have been bringing in money it hasn’t cut it.. I have fallen incredibly behind on all my bills and the most scary is my rent.. It’s truly a blessing I have not been kicked out yet, but my time is running out and I can’t be homeless.

I’m broken down mentally and emotionally and I’m in such a hole that I do not know what else to do except to continue to choose to have a good mindset and believe that God has got me and that asking for support is ok.

Of course everyone goes through breakups and thats a whole other level to this and I don’t want to bash this person at all but that didn’t help the situation at hand. My boyfriend who had committed to living with me left me with an apartment I have been struggling to afford on my own which has only added to my financial struggle.

I know on social media it looks like I’m thriving. I’m working with all of these brands and you see the smoke and mirrors. This is the reality of being an influencer for me. I do not get paid by these brands, and the little commission I make from links; barely covers my rent. To me it doesn’t even make sense but here I am. I’m pulling back the curtain. I’ve pitched so many brands this year for UGC and paid brand deals and so many just don’t have budget. I’ve accepted collaborations with small businesses and brands to be able to make fun content. I decided this year to focus back on my content creation because that’s how I started this platform to begin with and that’s what led to growing my coaching business so I went back to the basics.

Every time you use a discount code you help me. Anytime you invest in a service with me you support me. Anytime you refer a person to me or pray or send good vibes you support me. And I am so incredibly grateful for that. October 1st is 7 years that I moved to CA and it was the best decision I ever made for myself because of everything I have created from here.

So yes this is the most uncomfortable thing to ask for help. If I have ever impacted you, supported you, inspired you in anyway and you are willing to support me during this really challenging time I will never forget it.

When you support me know you’re providing a space for me to continue on to help other people, help myself & allow me to catch my breath. The Mental toll all of this has taken on me is intense. I’ve had some pretty dark thoughts recently and I would rather feel embarrassed asking for help than giving up on knowing that God put me here for a reason to help & support more people.

I recently launched a new business that I believe will also be something that will help create more consistent income it’s called Behind The Lens Social and it is BTS for weddings and events content creation. So when you support me here just know you’re also supporting me getting this new business off the ground.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, from a very humble human who has been praying for miracles. You are helping me keep the roof over my head and also for my fur babies Ziggy & Jasper too. Anything helps. Every penny will be going to the Rent I am incredibly behind on and trying to catch up to keep my home; in addition to other bills I’m behind on like car payments and food and necessities.

And if you are struggling too my heart goes out to you and prayers are also welcomed and sharing this with as many people as you can. I love you.

Venmo: @ashleyspedale