Kelsey's Gender Affirming Top Surgery Fund

Hello! My name is Kelsey and I am a 29-year-old non-binary person raising funds to help pay for my upcoming top surgery. I'd love to tell you a little bit about myself, how I came to this decision, and why this surgery is so important to me.

Let's talk about the journey...

I am a self-employed body and self-image coach who has been helping my clients form more authentic and compassionate relationships with themselves and their bodies for close to four years. The reason I feel so passionate about this work is because of the profound impact it has had on the relationship I have with my body and mind.

It was in 2019 and 2020 when I started coming out as non-binary to a few close people: My partner (who is always the first to know these kinds of important self-discoveries,) my best friend (a gay man, proud and out since we were 15 years old), and my therapist (who I've been seeing since after I graduated college in 2016.) I quietly changed my pronouns to they/she on Instagram and then to they/them the following year. Month to month I became a little braver and a little braver. As my friends began using my correct pronouns I began to see the way this journey cannot be done all in isolation. Having people who loved me, believed me, and could see me--well, without all of that support then I wouldn't be where I am now today.

In July of 2021, after fighting with myself over it for months, I shaved my head for the first time. I had been afraid--what if I hated it? Or worse, what if people around me hated it? I was gripped by a deep fear, which is partly how I knew it was important for me to just do it. With the help and support of my partner, we shaved my head and when I looked in the mirror something just clicked inside of me. This was gender euphoria. And my fear, although attempting to protect me, had almost kept me from this experience.

I looked at myself and I just knew: I do need top surgery.

Up until this point I had convinced myself I didn't need it. I had spent so much time repressing myself (consciously and unconsciously) over the years. I convinced myself I didn't need to have surgery, I could just bind my chest for the rest of my life to relieve gender dysphoria; I didn't need to 'come out' as non-binary to anyone else, I could just keep hiding; I didn't need anyone to use my pronouns, I could just suffer through it. And all of this was self-protective, being vulnerable about this could leave me open to some of the greatest pain I could imagine.

Over time I realized there was a greater pain, the pain of rejecting myself and ignoring my needs to fit into an easily digestible mold. I wouldn't ever ask someone else to do that, so I stopped asking myself to do it.

It was in November of 2021 that I realized I need more support. I found that support in Eli Lawliet, @thegenderdoula, who holds space for gender-expansive folks to explore their emotions, experiences, transition goals, and so much more. I wish I could express the depth of the work I've done with Eli this last year in a way that embodies how this has all felt, but the words are hard to find. Eli has helped me come out to both of my parents this year and navigate many challenges. I have felt so held and so see. I continue to find the pieces of me that I hid away a long time ago. It has felt beautiful. It has felt ugly. I would not trade these experiences and lessons for anything.

With Eli's help, I spent 2022 thinking about, preparing, and searching for the right surgeon for my top surgery. Finally, after so much turmoil, I have found the right surgeon for me. I thought that would be the hardest part, but as it turns out all of the stages of this journey have their own unique challenges. Now, I have to ask for more support.

Below is a TL;DR version of what I've written here as well as a basic breakdown of the cost.

(TL;DR the short version):

Where the funds are going:

Why not go through insurance?

The simple answer is, it's not easy to get insurance to cover gender-affirming care. I knew early on that I didn't have the emotional energy to fight to get this covered, this has been hard enough on its own. Crowd Funding is a time honored tradition for many communities, including the queer and trans community. I have contributed to many crowd funding campaigns for people I know and people I will never meet. Now, it's my time to ask for support. And I know in the future it will once again be my time to give back to my community.

Final thoughts...

If you're reading this, if you've donated, if you're considering donating--I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This proceedure will change my life, truly. There are many things I look forward to after my surgery, but the biggest is probably the headspace that this will free up for me. I do my best to follow my experiences of gender euphoria, trans joy is so important to me. But, gender dysphoria clouds my mind and takes up valuable space that I want to reclaim. I know with that mental and emotional space I can use my energy and passions to help others. I'm so excited to see where this future takes me.

Thank you.

-Kelsey