Ken Durden’s End of Life Care

On behalf of myself, Karli Lar Durden, and my father, Kenneth Sherman Durden, I say hello friends, family, strangers, and all.

We are seeking help to get my father into a hospice facility as his cancer has taken a debilitating turn and he can no longer take care of himself and needs full time aid.

If you know me and my personal story, you also know that since 2018 my father has had terminal Squamous Cell Carcinoma cancer in his throat, lungs, and stomach. But was diagnosed as untreatable when it grew into his spine, last summer 2022.

He and I made a tough, but beautiful decision to move him to Los Angeles, from our home in Georgia, with just a backpack of belongings, to buy an RV and allow him to spend his remaining mobile time on the road of the west coast to find himself and get inspired by life again. I’d meet him on the road, as often as I could, and reconnect to our favorite pass time in nature, doing as we would, together, in my childhood.

This journey has brought us closer, has provided him with new found joys, but also has put me, as his caretaker, in a tough position.

I am the only child and immediate remaining family member of my father. I vowed to him that I would take on this responsibility, not quite understanding that capacity.

Last week, August 16th, I received a text from one of his camping buddies in Bend, Oregon, that my dad had a sudden decline in health and needed me.

So, my partner and I scrambled to find his location. I have been blessed with so many earth angels, that a few people I personally love and trust have worked the fire and forest service in that area, and did some ground work to pinpoint his RV.

Last minute, we jumped on a plane, and when we came about his campsite, I found that my father was in a form I hadn’t expected or recognized.

So, we drove him back down to his doctors, as quickly as possible, in Los Angeles.

On August 20th upon our emergency room visit, it was brought to our knowledge that the cancer had spread to his brain. This explained why, in recent weeks, he had started randomly passing out, his weakness, and his inability to take care of himself.

August 21st, he was released from the hospital, with no direction or explanation of what that next step would be. We were told that hospice would handle it, and quickly.

This was not the case.

I spent two days on the phone with hospice, multiple case managers, the hospital, and parents of friends,

(who have experienced this before)

trying to find a solution, yet kept hitting a dead end with the medical system.

I was advised by multiple loved ones to try and crowd source the help that would be needed.

Within this lapse of time, he was left with myself and my partner, who were unequipped for full time care, and only given two days of basic pain medications for my father, as we searched and waited for what’s next.

In home hospice services only provide two days of care, a week. My father now requires full time supervision, professional medical care, and administration of pain relief.

Ken has full coverage with MediCal, Medicare, and Medicaid, in the state of California. But, they do not cover hospice room and board, in Los Angeles or surrounding counties.

August 23rd, we were given a bed in a Skilled Nursing Facility. This is the only covered option through MediCal available.

I walked into a nice space with a 5 star review, sweet and accommodating staff, but not knowing what to expect. As I wheeled my father back into the living quarters, I entered a nightmare where the hallways were filled with screams and unsettling grunts, many of folks who were no longer coherent and much, much older than my father. His room has three other occupants with a smaller than twin size bed, in a corner.

I asked if private rooms were available, the staff’s response being “no ma’am, we do not have private rooms here.”

I then felt like I had made the wrong choice in bringing him to the services provided by his insurances, but he had begged me to stop his substantial pain and I moved forward with what tools had been given to us.

This is where I finally saw how disheartening the healthcare system is, in our given circumstance.

I promised my father that this couldn’t be the only option, as no bone in my body can morally or consciously allow this to be apart of his last days.

He deserves privacy, decency, and dignity. Let alone, to be surrounded with those of similar ailments as a support system and community.

All I’ve ever wanted is for my father to be safe, comfortable, and in a place of peace as he leaves our world.

Dad’s 66th birthday is September 3rd and it’s my goal to have him in a peaceful room of his own.

A proper hospice boarding facility costs an upwards of $4,000-$8,000 (monthly) for a private room.

We do not have a determined life expectancy, but have gathered it’s in the coming months.

Afterlife services costs, but vary from

$3,000-$10,000

Unforeseen expenses - ?

So, here we are. I’ve never done this before.

I do not personally have these finances at my disposal. But, I must attempt to do what’s best for my father.

Any and all donations mean a lot.

They actually mean the most.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading our story - all of my love and gratitude for your consideration.

- Karli & Ken ❤️