Let's help Michelle Javorsky

These are Michelle's words, she never asks for a thing, yet she is behind and supports everyone.

It's her turn. She's made such a huge difference in everyone's life, let's make a huge difference on hers.

Brutal honesty..

Yes I'm struggling.. financially, physically, emotionally, mentally...

This year its been a financial nightmare dealing with my own bills, my kids needs and upkeep and repairs# to my Dad's house... many months including this one.. I'm crossing my fingers that none of my utilities get shut off before I can make the minimum amount to keep me afloat...kiernans birthday and delayed graduation were canceled due to lack of funds.. Oliver's birthday I was able to get him a single stuffed animal and $25 to spend at fun n stuff with his friends ... I've not bought either of them a single gift yet this year... and I'm so so thankful to the few angels who have offered to get them something...

Physically I'm pushing the limits of my body.. and I know it... I'm mentally fighting the RA and blocking out the upcoming tests in January where they are looking for Lupus or MS or another answer to what I'm dealing with.. Kiernan had gotten used to helping me get dressed on my bad days.. there is so much to do and yet I feel locked to the couch most days because moving hurts.. physical therapy hurts.. but I keep going and keep praying that it will help even though I'm driving home in tears after each appointment and counting the seconds until I can get back to my couch and take my pain meds..

Emotionally... I'm hurting from all the stress.. I'm so heartbroken watching Kiernan struggle and suffer the way he does. I cringe and want to tear up every time he sends me a text like this "Hey mom I accidentally said mess up things like i did but I didn't earlier but I fixed most of it and sorry most of it is messing with me and it's happening again it's like I'm trying to be we're I am but it's messing with me it going to have a painful explosion again" or says it to me over and over again.. January 12th can't come soon enough.. we need answers and help.. to see him break down.. to hit himself in the head to make it stop... to hear him yelling in bed for his thoughts to just let him rest... hearing my baby hurt like this is killing me...

I find ways to distract myself.. I find projects and things I can do to stay busy, to help others, to do anything but deal with my own issues... it's so much easier to focus on everyone else...

I know it will all work out one way or another... my rent and car payment are paid.. everything else is secondary... it will be OK.. I will be ok...

I just needed to break down for a moment.. to vent and get it out .. please don't see it as anything more than that...