Lou's Gender Affirming Surgery

Hi there, my name is Lou, and I am trans.

After having waited for over two years, next month I will finally undergo Facial Feminization Surgery, a procedure that aims to soften the masculine facial features that I suffer from to this day. I suffer, because these features tell a story that isn’t mine, and yet it is right there, etched into my face. I am reaching out to you because I need your help in funding my feminizing surgery - to finally rid myself of the person I am not, and to see the girl I know myself to be.

Because right now, I am not seen for who I am. At best, I enter a room where I am first and foremost a topic of debate. I am not a person, or a student, let alone a girl. Rather, I am an arresting threat to the norm: an Other - a body to be debated. At worst, I leave my house to face ridicule, shouting and physical threats. This has even escalated into a wave of targeted effacements, cruel digital threats and outright hostility on my own college campus. In short, wherever I go I am made to feel unsafe. I no longer want to live that life. I want to move around freely, go where I want to. I want to be seen for the girl that I am.

This brings me to my second and more personal reason for getting the surgery. I don’t just want others to see me for who I am, I want to see it myself. I never quite know how to describe the feeling of looking into the mirror, and seeing another person standing there. It may sound made-up, but for me, this is a daily reality. On most days, the dissonance I feel between who I know myself to be and who I see reflected back at me is so unbearable I can hardly move. On all days, I am not me - not yet. After years of hormones, voice therapy and socially transitioning, there is still a masculinity haunting me, seeping into every second of every day. The features my testosterone puberty left me with were not mine to choose, but I have the choice to reverse them, the choice to finally be free. I made this choice for myself, I am getting the surgery, but I need your support.

Though my health insurance is obliged by law to cover my gender affirming care, the state of Dutch trans rights is so dire that they can simply refuse. And they have. After a series of dehumanizing inquiries into my life, long lists that scrutinized every feature I have, down to the very texture of my hair, they weren’t convinced. At just the age of 20, I was forced to start a legal battle, get my own lawyer, and prepare for court. Still, my insurance refuses to pay a penny. As a recent college graduate, this leaves me to my own devices, unable to fund the gender affirming surgery I desperately need.

This is why I am reaching out to you, to ask you to donate anything you can. For me to finally get the surgery I long for. For me to be happy, healthy, whole. For me to be me.

Thank you for bearing my story with me. Any donation, however small, means I am one step closer towards living my life right. Consider spreading this letter with family members, colleagues or friends who might be supportive of my cause. Your support means that I am one step closer towards finally feeling like me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

-Lou