Anything will help...

Hi there, my name is Amanda and I'm about to finally wave my white flag and just ask the universe for help...There has been a little black rain cloud over my family since October of last year when my Oma had a fall in her home and was taken to hospital. I spent monthes going back and forth from north van to port moody visiting. She passed from complications of diabetes on Dec 12 2021, which just happens to be my spouse's birthday. Then on Dec 21st my Omas youngest brother (my great uncle) passed from his cancer. Jan 1st was spent at his funeral. I cant begin to explain the grief of losing them. I cooked and brought my Omas last bites of her favorite farmer sausage and cooked and fed her her last borscht and I'm forever changed now that she is not here. I was having the longest period of my life starting in October while visiting my oma. I bled every single day and just didnt have time to think it wasnt just from the grief and stress of having 4 kids ( 2 of which are special needs ) one is 7, one is 6, one is 3 and one is 20 monthes. I am a stay at home mom that had her hands full before needing to spend as much time as possible with my oma before it was too late but now my period will not end. Were in April now and I've had a false negative pregnancy test. I'm still bleeding everyday. May it's a positive pregnancy test. My concern for the constant bleeding is now on high alert becuase I'm pregnant and maybe I'm miscarrying? This has happened before and I'm incredibly worried and sought medical attention at a walk in clinic. Booked a pelvic exam and was on the table in a gown ready and the doctor states shes just going to see blood we wont do a pelvic exam, I'll send her for an ultrasound. I get dressed, go 2 days later for an ultrasound. I have a perfect 9 week old baby. I wait weeks to hear back from the doctor so I call and ask what should I do about this bleeding can I book a pelvic exam? I get in there with my pants off and on table ready to go and she says again let's just send you for another ultrasound were only going to see some blood. I leave with no pelvic exam. Two days later I'm having an ultrasound again at the same place and it's a perfect 13 week baby. Doing great, perfect heart rate and development. Not miscarrying. Still full heavy bleeding everyday. Was instructed by walk in clinic to just call st Paul's maternity clinic and wait to see a gynecologist there. So I made an appointment and explained to reception about myself and the bleeding. She then told me to not wait and just go to emergency that night and get a pelvic exam. So that's what I did. And at 12:43 am on July 1st the doctor pulled out the speculum and said I think im seeing a large malignant tumor. You need to come tomorrow morning and wait for a gynecologist to do another exam and have a biopsy. The next day I have that biopsy by the very same doctor who helped deliver my last child the year before. She sends it off...and 6 days later Bc Cancer calls me before the doctor by just a few minutes. So there it is the big C. I'm 33 years old and in a few weeks it's my birthday. I'm also now pregnant with a healthy baby. I am the one that's broken and now what?? Two days later I went alone to Bc Cancer and was informed in a small room with 4 specialists sitting across from me at the end of a long wing i sit and am informed i have a large aggressive Adenocacinoma. A huge tumor that's taken over my cervix. They all do an exam (ouch :( ) its 8cm. That's large like the size of a big orange. You need aggressive chemotherapy and aggressive radiation. 5 rounds of chemo and 25 rounds of radiation and then 3 brachytherapy. You cannot sustain a pregnancy during this treatment so we need to book you in for a laparotomy/hysterotomy. A termination of pregnancy so your treatment can start right away. If you dont say yes today then we have to put you in palliative care to keep you comfortable becuase you may have less than a year. It would be a matter of just keeping me comfortable. So I proceeded to plead with them what my options were to save my baby and if I could last a few more weeks until baby is viable to be in nic u. They told me if we wait even 11 more weeks we cant save you. There was also a chance of rupture during babys time of growing and putting pressure on me. It's an impossible situation. How can this possibly be happening to me and boy do I want to just curl up in my omas lap and cry... I want to have this baby at christmas...its soposed to be my gift...the due date is in between my oma and great uncle passing. This baby is my gift of life at christmas time. Now I have to give him up to live for my other children? Unbearable doesnt begin the describe my hearts ache. We named him Hero. He was the youngest person ever to be cremated at the vancouver crematorium. He saved my life. Without having gotten pregnant and being concerned for him and getting myself to the doctor I would have passed. I started treatment on Aug 8th my grandfather's birthday. That same week our landlord at our apartment gave us a 10 day notice to move. My spouse had to stay home with the kids and wasnt able to work while I had a bunch of tests, cts, mri, petscan etc we werent able to pay our rent and immediately were evicted. We ended up moving abruptly during my treatment and found ourselves renting a rancher on 5 acres and I finished my treatment in the new place. Soposed to begin some peaceful time of healing. It's been a tough road to say the least. Now unexpectedly in my 6 week recovery time after all the treatment and being so sick I need to rescue my sick father from a bad living situation to start taking care of him. He has COPD and needs me. So were in a financial strain and have to just do van loads from his house in burnaby to here in maple ridge. Were nearly there and his battery and alternator need replacing. Great. Replace the battery. Not the battery, about to replace the alternator and wouldnt you believe a giant poplar tree comes through our house during the wind storm that just happened on friday. Through our bedroom and where my dad was sleeping in his room, over my daughters bed we had just moved into our room. We were soposed to be getting his van back on the road so we can finish doing loads to my dads old house in burnaby to get the rest of his stuff before the landlord takes the house back. Now we are freezing in the front half of our house were renting waiting for the process to happen while I type this roofers are tarping off holes in the roof. My family is just trying to be greatful we werent in bed and were all in the living room awake at 1045 pm....all of us in the living room thinking lighting had just hit the house. Power out, the whole house shook and a bang and crunch and look to see the whole giant poplar from the neighbors yard has completely come through our bedroom and my dads bedroom and were lucky to be alive. I find out in the next few weeks if I'm cancer free or need to continue treatment. We don't even know what to ask for at this point but if ever our family needed to wave a white flag out to the universe for help it's now. I dont know what more I can take than has been handed to us in this last year. I certainly didnt think surviving a giant tree through our house would be it...if you read all the way down I have to just say thank you from the bottom of my heart xo