Marci’s PTSD Rehabilitation & Ongoing Treatment

Dear friends, family, and kind-hearted strangers,

My name is Marci and I am starting this campaign to seek support for my ongoing journey of recovery and healing from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) & generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). As a lifelong mental health advocate, I’ve publicly journaled the major struggles in my life while undergoing years of therapy & medication. I will continue to document these next steps.

My past includes considerable early trauma, and therapy/prescriptions started in my teens. Most significantly, in 2011 my mom called me at work prior to her suicide. I heard her pain but couldn’t stop her from ending her life. That phone call will likely haunt me forever while directly shaping the way I interact with others. 

The tragedy of her sudden death resulted in moving to Arizona to establish a relationship with my sister. It was a life altering trauma, which subsequently caused missing my dream of attending law school and truly changed the path I followed; somewhere along the way through the years I got lost. 

In Arizona I began a career change at a big bank. During that time the economy crashed and by 26, I’d been laid off from work 4x. It was that much more devastating living paycheck-to-paycheck while competing with thousands of others to find comparable work. Basic survival was exhausting and I took any job I could find. My professional life became a train wreck as my unresolved grief and suffering led to recurring self-destruction. 

The weight of these disabilities and distrust constantly put me on edge. Over time I jumped from job to job, constantly monitoring the people around me for signs of abrupt disruption. Every interaction replayed in my mind on overdrive. In my efforts to cling to employment, I got stuck in survival mode, becoming increasingly paranoid, hyper vigilant and began fixating on anything I could control. This developed into a paralyzing existence of panic, worry, anxiety and depression. Deep levels of grief took a toll on those around me. Every day became a battle because no matter how well I performed it didn’t feel safe. That fear has been destroying my personal and professional relationships ever since. 

Healing doesn’t happen overnight and I’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way. During the pandemic my life spiraled even more out of control, seeming like the harder I tried the worse things got. My weaknesses were exacerbated by the shutdown and I fully admit I didn’t cope well. The traumas I had experienced before began resurfacing in different ways, each becoming more significantly damaging than the last. As I worked through my part in this, a lot of people took advantage. Setting boundaries does not come naturally to me and this was an ugly chapter. 

I recognized my behavioral reactions and as a last effort in 2021, I reached out for help from my employer requesting an accommodation or leave of absence to attend intensive trauma counseling. It was met with delays until termination, a lawsuit, the EEOC and an enormous amount of stress taking nearly two years to reach a decision. In the end I lost everything because “my request for help from my employer was too vague” which absolutely destroyed me. The injustice bankrupted my dignity, caused enormous shame and broke something inside my soul. This experience permanently changed me; I never emotionally recovered and have since pushed away most of the remaining people in my life. Losing this battle meant I had to accept responsibility and admit that I am my own problem. That’s a heavy burden that I’m unequipped to handle alone.

Today I reached a turning point after calling a crisis hotline. Strong suicidal ideation has become a daily occurrence that I simply haven’t been able to shake on my own. A change must be made in the fundamental patterns that define me so I made a decision to take charge of my healing journey, seeking professional grief counseling, and more intensive therapy to address the root causes of my disorders. While this decision is empowering, it has also placed a significant financial strain on me. I am already working with a healthcare team but it simply isn’t enough. Time is of the essence because the harsh reality is the constant overwhelming stress is consuming my wellbeing. This is my breaking point. I need help.

If you’ve read this far and are wondering why the cover photo is of a cat & dog, I can explain. Rico and Zetta are my version of having kids. They are my lifeblood and give me purpose. This journey will have an impact on their lives too, which is an equally significant reason to heal. 

The purpose of this GoFundMe is to ask for your support in accessing a local rehabilitation center to attend a trauma recovery program, aftercare and mental wellness services during their next patient opening beginning 8/2/2023.

How you can help:

I am eternally grateful for any support overcoming the scars of my past in order to embrace and embody a healthier, more positive future. Thank you for believing in my recovery.