Marnie's Rescue Medical Fund

Thank you all for taking time out to read this. Many of you know or perhaps do not, that I've been struggling with Treatment Resistant Depression, coupled with PTSD, OCD and Panic Disorder for years. For this, and degenerative disc disease, I was put on disability and unable to get past my own suffering and defects to hold a job. I have tried many things, starting with 47 different medications throughout the past 28 years. I've done 2 forms of TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). Talk and group therapy I've done on and off since I was 12. The most recent and desperate attempt was undergoing 22 sessions of ECT which I swore I would never do. And side effects from all of this is not even half the battle.
   Many people have walked away because it was too difficult and draining to deal with me. I however, have had no such escape or I would have left too. Some treatments have given relief but none sustainable beyond the end of the therapy itself. As much as I feel that life is not worth living, I promised myself I would try everything. Always researching, I found a new treatment that is not yet FDA approved, but has been very promising in suicidal patients with relief much faster and sustainable longer. The problem is that insurance isn't accepted, and my insurance wouldn't pay for any part of it anyway. 
  It's an infusion treatment using an alternative medication whose cost is $450 a treatment. That was the cheapest. My mental health team supports this treatment. However I will need 6 immediate treatments in 3 weeks, including several booster sessions 30 days apart after that. I have conservatively estimated with the Dr. at about 10-12 total sessions. I have a few months to raise all the money I would need.
  As much as I don't want to broadcast my personal problems, or ask for help, I am more desperate, being at a point where I feel like I'm running out of time. I know that financially, no one is really secure and it is also a large sum. I am asking for what you can give, if at all. I am not expecting to reach this total goal, only hoping and keeping my fingers crossed. Good thoughts and prayer are also gratefully and continuously welcome. I appeal to your compassion and to those who have been through or know someone who has been through something similar. We've all been touched by this at some time. 
   My first treatment will be 12/5/16. Any donations received would first be used for the $1200 in labwork required. My insurance will likely not cover it, and I had to give my credit card as backup for payment. Second, I would need to facilitate transportation to and from treatment. Last, the remaining funds would be directed to cover the cost of the treatments themselves.
  I thank you for the love and support that you have all given me. There are some who have been there for me from the very beginning who I count on, but would need more than 2 hands to count all the friends who walked away because it was too difficult and draining to deal with me. I however, have no such escape, or I would have left too. I would not still be here without all of you. I can't tell you how oppressing and exhausting this feels. My ultimate goal would be to feel like I am living for me in a healthy way and actually have the strength to do that. That's where this treatment comes in.
   Just in the past month, I have been volunteering several days a week to do something to change myself and give myself more of a purpose. It's taken me this long to do it. It takes everything I have to show up and some days I have to leave early, it's too much. I'd like to be able to reconnect with family, feel deserving of your care, and be a better friend. I want to breathe in life that feels deserved, not painful and punishing. Am I scared? Absolutely.
   I've tried so many things that have not worked. I want to be functional and productive, worthy of both my respect and yours, maybe even using the Bachelor's and Master's Degrees that I've earned, instead of them being on the wall for show. The me that earned those degrees and was inducted into 3 honor societies at Penn State is still in there somewhere. I have an unfinished novel and a cabinet full of poetry and songs that need to see the light of day. Will you please, in any way that you can, help me take that next step I'm hoping will save my life? I'm sharing my truth and I'm sorry if it's hurtful in any way. I feel as if I've been dying for a long time and that the funeral just hasn't happened yet.
  I'd like to be someone who can look you in the eye and not be ashamed of my illnesses. If I can do this and it works, I might become the person that God intended me to be, and I could be a better friend and relative to all of you. I'm hoping.
  Please share with those you think appropriate. Thank you so much for anything you can or may give. I didn't know what else to do or where else to go.