Melissa's Big Trans Surgery Fund

My name is Melissa (She/They). I have been doing this trans thing for just over a decade and, while I have been fortunate in making it this far, I need help affording some life changing surgeries that will alter my relationship with my own body.

This is not about how other people see me - it is about how I see myself. There are many out there that see gender affirming surgery are merely "cosmetic," and do not understand the efficacy and importance of such procedures. For anyone balking at supporting me, as a trans woman, I encourage you to read my story before making a snap judgement.

Me: pre-Covid to the present Covid. I know you feel this.

I am a 34 year old US citizen, born in California and growing up primarily in the Sierra foothills. Friends and loved ones know me as a silly, ofttimes grumpy nerd who tries my best to be there for the people I care about. My mind is constantly on the move, and I have opinions on almost everything I see. Sometimes I have opinions about video games, sometimes I have them about political theory. The challenge is not simply blurting out whatever is on my mind. My favorite thing about myself is how much I care about other people, even if I am not always the best at expressing it. It makes it difficult to turn myself away from others, even when I need time to recharge, but it has been my guiding star my entire life.

My Life's Story, in Brief

While my transition may have physically begun at 24, I have known I wanted to be a woman ever since I had a concept of gender. I used to dream about it often, and remember praying for it night after night in my more religious days. When I was 8 years old, I asked my mom what she and my dad would have named if I was a girl. I only needed to ask once - it stuck with me ever since, and I claimed it as my own. In part, it was to honor my parents even if they ultimately rejected me.

Childhood was a struggle to get through. I was a weird, ultra closeted kid, and the bullies at school could smell that blood in the water even if none of us could identify its source. At home, I dealt with constant, mostly low impact physical and emotional abuse. This abuse kept me constantly on guard, and years of it eventually manifested into CPTSD. As soon as 11 years old I had to live with depression, and my first major panic attack hit me at 18. This was on top of autism and ADHD - which remained undiagnosed and mostly untreated until last year. These challenges have created great obstacles throughout my professional and educational history.

My early 20s were a struggle - my depression was severe enough to leave me bedridden at its peaks. Despite that, I made it to 24 - which is where my life took on a new course. I realized I could simply be a woman, and started going to therapy. Turns out, I did not need a therapist's help to figure out my gender, but I did need it to learn how to feel emotions again. Access to medication made those depression peaks more manageable, and thanks to this combined treatment I managed to push myself into university. Once there, I lost access to one of my medications and barely managed to earn my history degree at UC Santa Cruz before finally burning out of pure stress at 28.

I don't think my favorite professor ever knew how hard it was for me to make it to class, but when I could make it I tried my best to be the best student I could.

If there is one skill I mastered in life, it is choosing my friends well. I would have been homeless, possibly even dead, if it was not for the intervention of some excellent friends and loved ones. It's not something I like to think about too hard. This gave me the time and space I needed to continue my therapy, and regain some control over my life.

In the six years since university, I met the love of my life and moved to Kentucky to live with her. I also managed to get some long delayed healthcare, and just last year I was able to get my official diagnosis for autism and ADHD. This has allowed me to regain access to important medication, and I have pursued self-improvement with renewed vigor.

Carrie and Chrissy - both Humane Society adoptions. Bet you can't tell which one takes after me. :)

The Dream

Now I have the capacity to face one of my biggest enemies: dysphoria. There are some things that technology can not change about me, I accept that. I will always wonder how differently I would see myself if I didn't go through puberty as a "boy."

This does not mean I should give up. There are existing procedures that can still offer me relief - if I was uncertain of my need, I would not be here asking for them.

Facial Feminization Surgery

The first and most important of these surgeries I need is Facial Feminization Surgery , or FFS. Sometimes I look in the mirror and can accept what I look like. Other times, it's like a gunshot to my will to live. Some people like my face a whole lot. My partner does, as do a few of my friends. People reading this might like my face, too. That's great! However, I don't like my face, as it is the greatest trigger of my dysphoria.

A rough estimate for FFS is between 20k-50k USD.

Breast Augmentation

While HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) has been relatively kind to me, I also have a broad chest that largely hides my breasts by spreading them out over a larger area. This has more mild dysphoric symptoms, but changing this is as much a need as FFS - I am only prioritizing out of duress. This should not be something I have to choose between.

Breast augmentation goes roughly between 5k-10k USD.

I would like to look in the mirror without a wave of intense self-loathing. I would love to celebrate other trans folk getting similar procedures without feeling my heart turn to ice.

Most importantly? I want to see myself in the mirror... in a picture... and feel happiness. This does not make me special, I think everyone deserves that feeling.

The Plan

The prices I've cited on these procedures are close to GoFundMe's estimates via their blog post on Gender Confirmation Surgery . The post is aimed at people in my position, but I would encourage anyone who is still unconvinced of my plea to give it a read. If you will not believe me, then believe someone else.

My next step is researching local surgeons. I know there are a couple places nearby that offer what I need, but I still want to ask around and see what their other patients say about their services. If this fundraising shows enough promise, I will schedule a consultation and will be able to more accurately state how much money I need.

I have people who can provide transportation to and from the hospital, and provide care for me at home while I recover. This also isn't my first major surgery - I have a pretty good idea what to expect.

If things REALLY take off, I am going to cut off donations at 70k. That will be more than sufficient to cover additional hospital fees, home care, transportation, and definitely some new bras. :)

(Furi and Nux. I need you to understand how hard it is to capture a non-blurry photo of a ferret.)

Trans Realities

My story is my own. The trans experience is not legion; not all of us experience dysphoria or require surgery to feel "right." Some us knew for a long time who we wanted to be, others simply realized that they'd be happier as a different gender at some point. Regardless of how we reach our conclusions, all of us deserve whatever help we say we need to achieve gender euphoria. There is plenty of medical and psychiatric support for gender affirming surgery. For those of us who need it, surgeries can provide immense psychological relief and a gigantic increase to our quality of life.

Finding Comfort

In the meantime, I have my methods of coping. Embodying characters in video games and TTRPGs have proven to be the most effective for me. Finding sanctuary in "theater" is a well-known queer narrative for a reason. Such distractions do not solve dysphoria, but it does help ease the burden. These hobbies have introduced me to many wonderful people over the years, and my closest friend groups involve people I have befriended through these hobbies.

I am not alone, not metaphorically or physically. If my friends could pay for these procedures themselves, they would. And they know that I would do the same.

A fair number of friends first knew me as Kekena on FFXIV. She's both an OC, and another "face" of mine. Finding comfort in embodying a video game character is not a rare thing among trans folk.

Why I Need Financial Support

I am not exaggerating when I say my body causes me intense psychological distress. Nothing drives me harder towards suicidal ideation - and I do not know if I can go on another 10 years this way. The prospect of living this way for a single year is enough to clench my jaw.

No matter how much I scrimp and save, between my light self-employment and monthly gifts from my partner it would take me close to fifteen years to do this on my own - assuming I saved every single penny, spending nothing. This situation is unlikely to change as my disabilities make holding a standard job next to impossible. My streams have been running an average of 3-6 viewers for about 2 years running, and making a living on twitch is extremely unlikely as a rule. Freelancing as an artist or writer is similarly unreliable, and requires me to continue building skills that simply take time to learn.

As an American well below the poverty line, I rely on Medicaid to cover my medical expenses. While my provider, Humana Healthy Horizons, does not specifically exclude trans related care they also do not cover what they deem to be "cosmetic surgeries." Flying in the face of recent medical and psychological research, they consider FFS and breast augmentation to be merely cosmetic and unnecessary for a trans person - a position shared by every American insurance provider that can get away with it.

The other problem is that I can not safely drum up support for this fundraiser through my twitch channel, as the IRS will likely classify donations as a working income - and they heavily tax self-employment. This also spikes my Medicaid, and exposes me to student loan repayments that I have only avoided out of poverty. All I can do is spread this plea around, and give you updates as they are warranted.

How to Help

More than anything, I need financial aid. This is $50k USD I am asking for, which is a tremendous amount of money to me - even a tenth of that is difficult to imagine on my bank statement. I also need people to spread this around as much as they can.

Share this on social media, repeatedly. Aim at anyone with disposable income who wants to help make a significant, tangible improvement in a stranger's life. Should folk be interested in doing a charity drive on my behalf, I would be happy to make an appearance. - but I can not promise more due the aforementioned reasons.

For anyone with a tight budget, I would ask that the needs of you and yours take priority over mine. My safety and happiness should not come at such a steep cost to someone else. Remember - getting the word out is a big deal. The more that hear about my plight, the more likely it is that I will reach my goals.

Please, help me change my life for the better if you can.

If you have any questions, or have additional ways to help, you can contact me via this site.

Thank you!

-Melissa