Melissa Poole, cremation and memorial

As many of you may know, my Mother was found deceased yesterday.

I hope I’m not coming off as being disrespectful to her in any way. I wish to be as transparent as possible. That’s just how I live my life. I’m human, and being real is the only way I know how to be.

The truth is that she had an addiction so strong, that nothing could break her free of it. She used opiates to treat her mental Illness, and because of this her life has been spiraling for most of my life. I’ve had to step away from any kind of relationship with her in order to protect myself and my mental health.

And Im not sure how to feel about it all.

I’m more or less grieving the mother I never had. Angry that she could never get it together for me, and angry that she let the addiction win. Also incredibly heartbroken because I know she was probably medicating some pretty DARK feelings she had inside her.

Parenting without a mother has been THE MOST difficult, and even triggering thing I’ve had to do for over 18 years now. I’m trying my very best to do better for my children, and to give them what I didn’t have. Every day I feel like I’m failing though. After all, nobody ever taught me how to do this… ya know? But I still get up every day anyway. One day at a time. It’s tattooed on my arm as a reminder.

Yeah

All of that in a nutshell.

And

I’m sorry if all of this is too real for any of you. It’s my reality. Opiate addiction IS REAL. Mental illness IS REAL. Both are thieves and crooks.

It all just seems so unfair.

All I know is that she is no longer struggling, and for that I am grateful.

Now, I’m being asked about cremation, burial, mortuary, transferring the remains etc etc etc. I haven’t even known for 24 hours yet. But I do know that she didn’t have any life insurance, or job, and definitely no money in the bank.

So, I’m asking for prayers, kind words and thoughts. And if you feel you are able to donate that is welcome as well.

If your Mother’s Day weekend is going any better than mine, please realize how very blessed you are.

Thank you for reading this far.

Memorial service will be held at Hope Community church in Lebanon on Saturday May 20th at 3pm.