Mentally-Wounded Artist Making Things Right

Hello all, and thank you for visiting this page; my name is M.J. Hopper, and I am a freelance artist as well as an aspiring talent for the animation industry--hopefully one of these days, anyway. Drawing is one of my greatest passions to date and I've had that spark within me since I was very young. I don't know what else I would do if I were to give up my life investment in creating art/entertainment; it's one of the few talents I have and I want to make sure that it never goes away.

Around early 2013 I began taking art-related commissions from people; I did not charge much at first, and my skill level was, admittedly, not the best, but I was still having fun with the work I was doing. There was still something present that made it enjoyable and rewarding. This went on for a short while--emphasis on the word "short"--until around mid-to-late 2014 or so, when...something else began to throw itself into the mix.

People, around that time, began to get impatient with me and not only criticized my practice(s) for how I went about things but also subjected me to mental and emotional abuse in order to get what they wanted from me. They knew I was an easy target, and they knew that with enough petty lies they would be able to "convince" me that what they were saying was true--in this case, that people were complaining about me behind my back because I was "taking too long to get things done." It started with one person, and then was followed after by an influencer who essentially used Stalinist torture methods to hard-wire my brain into putting other peoples' needs before my own. Trying to convince me that I was nothing; that I was only there to please others and that was the extent of my "career." In the end none of this turned out to be the truth, but by that point in time the damage had already been done. I was officially diagnosed with Complex-PTSD not long after.

Regardless, finding employment was difficult back then as it was now, and with me having to contribute toward our rent in 2016-2018 I had no choice but to take on other projects. The emotional stress was still present, however, and I hit a severe snag around the 2018 mark. I fell behind significantly and I just could not manage to get things properly completed. The downfall of social media and the overall snarkiness of the average person towards the working artist only complicated matters further. Finally, as of yesterday, I put my foot down at long last, and called it quits.

I was not enjoying my work anymore. Something I had once loved, I now saw as a meaningless chore to push out of the way. I didn't want to live like that; not now and not ever again.

HOWEVER. I did not simply want to "take the money and run," so to speak, because I care about a majority of my customers, and I would feel a deep sense of guilt if I didn't correct things before I said good-bye for good--at least, for quite some time. So instead, I want to re-fund the transactions--all that I can manage--for the customers who waited but did not receive anything due to my own inner turmoils making things difficult day-by-day. This is, unfortunately, not a cheap process, and my hands are tied up with both rent and bills for the unit my current boyfriend and I live in. If the stress continues to hang over my head, however, it is going to further increase my own sense of mental/emotional trauma, which is not something I can handle any more of right now.

This fundraiser is to aid an independent, mentally-wounded artist who wants to make things right before returning to doing what she enjoys most, for herself. It is also to aid the people who trustfully paid, and deserve to be refunded. Our current goal, roughly estimated, is $3,000 but any extra would be greatly appreciated. However, I just want to make it to the goal-point first before anything else.

Thank you, again, for visiting this fundraiser. I hope to make things right this one last time before I take a long, deep breath and step back for the time being. For all my former clients--I'm sorry it had to be this way, but know that none of this was your fault. I had waited a long time to make this decision and finally have the courage to follow through on it after all these years.

Please be well.