Radha Baum's 80th birthday!

I recently spent two weeks living with and caring for Radha and can now give you a realistic update on how she is doing.

It’s a complex situation. She still has problems directly related to having broken her neck in a car accident on 3/5/19. She cannot turn her head well to either side, and you need to be in her direct line of vision for her to see you. Clearly, no driving. Another result of the accident is that her left knee, which was to be replaced, is still bone-on-bone because she is “not a candidate” for surgery. Standing and walking is difficult, even with a walker. After a severe bout of COVID last winter and a debilitating flu earlier this year, she can no longer get around with a cane. She lost muscle tone and is very shaky, and needs to improve core strength so she can be more stable.

Another factor is Interstitial Cystitis (https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/interstitial-cystitis.) There is no known cause or standard treatment. The IC (as interstitial cystitis is known) causes not only pain but also a lack of sleep due to frequent painful urination all night long. Lack of sleep makes healing on any level much more difficult. We have found a local functional doctor and nutritionist who have experience dealing with IC, but they are purely out-of-pocket for the many tests and consultations they recommend. (It is difficult living in a society in which wealth is needed for health.) Medications recommended by urologists have all failed for her. Then there was the melanoma on her forehead and nose that had to be dealt with. To top it all off, she has an inguinal hernia, and, once again, she is “not a candidate” for surgical repair. Her circulation is impaired, as her feet and lower legs are deep purple.

Shiva, her son, has been heroic in his caretaking efforts after having moved to New York ten months ago to help her. When I stepped into his role, I understood the time and effort and patience her caretaking requires. And he takes care of all the grocery shopping and meals. I have nothing but respect and admiration for what he has done, but he cannot do it forever. A potential business opportunity would mean full-time work; it would allow him to live near Radha and he then could help support her, but not while still being a full-time caretaker.

Radha is also helped by a wonderful caretaker who comes 18 hours a week. At $25/hour, there are no funds at this time to pay for more hours. She has physical therapy and occupational therapy for periods when they are covered by Medicare. So now we are starting the process of Radha’s application for Medicaid to get more help that will be covered by insurance. It is only recently, when the reality of her situation hit home, that this step has been acknowledged as necessary.

And then there are the body’s arthritic aches and pains due to plain old age and osteoporosis. Radha is turning 80 on September 22nd this year. Needless to say, she is anxious about the future. It is difficult to realize that your days as an independent person are over and you are no longer in control of your body or even your day-to-day life. It means surrender at a deep level of who we think we are. We remember the struggle Ram Dass had after his stroke—the transition from being the one who always helps others to requiring full-time help to function. Aging, as the saying goes, is not for sissies. Or in Ram Dass terms, it’s definitely “fierce grace.”

It is a fierce practice, this letting go. It is very much like the Hindu model of the four stages of life. In the fourth and final stage, sannyasa (renunciation), you let go of everything—home, money, stuff—and go into the forest to clean up any karma you have accrued in this life and work on moksha, spiritual liberation. Radha knows she could have easily died or been completely paralyzed like Christopher Reeve was after breaking the C2 vertebrae. She was a slim millimeter away from death and realizes she has been given this time as grace, but oh, it is a difficult time and practice indeed.

The cohort of Westerners who were with Maharajji in India in the early Seventies are all aging. We have become the elders. (It happens much faster than you think possible…) Radha has shared again and again her stories of being with Maharajji. She has shored up the faith of many, and helped many in their spiritual understanding (and as a nurse practitioner and acupuncturist, she helped many bodies as well). Let’s wish Radha well as she turns 80, and, whenever we can, bring some much-needed attention to the plight of those struggling with the issues of aging in painful bodies.

Thank you so much for your care and concern for Radha’s well-being. She is very much a struggling gopi, but a gopi nonetheless to her Krishna, her Baba, her guru, and touches that place in us where faith may be severely tested, yet devotion shines forth.

If you are moved to help in some way, Radha’s Care Fund has been set up HERE. We are hoping she will be able to work with the functional folk who seem to have more of a handle on IC than the medical people do at this time. If you prefer Venmo or Zelle or check, please get in touch with Shiva at [email redacted]. If you know of any experts in IC (that don’t require travel), or if you know someone in Rockland County, NY, that knows how to navigate the realm of Medicaid, please get in touch ([email redacted]). And birthday cards and wishes are most welcome!

Thank you.

Parvati