Move Tameka and Abby to Philly
Donation protected
In 2013 we moved to Minnesota with the intention that we would be able to start a new life, develop a closer and more meaningful relationship with the Davis side of the family.
At the time we moved into Abby's mother's house and the goal was to help her prepare herself, and her home, for a move into religious life. For a year our lives were dedicated to the mental, emotional, and physical labor necessary to make her new life happen.
We invested mental and emotional energy into Mother and her goals, and we put our own needs to the back burner. In exchange she gave us a soft place to land financially and physically. This seemed like a great deal at the time. We sent her on her way, and then began a multi year project of maintaining a house that was not in great order and sorting through a basement full of personal items and family stuff.
The understanding at the time was, we would eventually be able to purchase the house from her for the price of what was owed on the house, and everything left behind was ours. If she completed a year in religious life we were assured that she was not coming back.
That first year passed and we slowly made things our own, we changed out furniture and disposed of items, and Abby dealt with the challenge of monthly communication via mail - except during advent and lent season.
We paid more than the mortgage, we covered what was needed to erase her $20,000 in debt. We agreed because we felt that the ability to slowly buy a house at a significant reduced cost, and a year of support when we arrived was fair. We paid down her debt and managed to create a financial reserve. Meanwhile school debt, medical debt, and any ability to save for ourselves was impossible.
During this time, Abby's relationship with her brother, N-, eroded due to his consistent emotional abuse and after multiple attempts to reconcile, Abby cut off contact with an abusive person in her life..
Three years after entering religious life without warning Abby’s mother exited religious life and returned to secular life. Everything was, once more, put on hold to make room, a week was spent setting up a room, and moving things around. When she arrived we set her up with a phone, and a place to be. We put everything on hold again to help her.
We had a number of talks that week, including but not limited to the verbal assurance that Abby’s mother, K- would return the $20,000 of debt that we paid off. The understanding had been that Abby and Tameka paid off her debt specifically because she was “leaving the world,” as she called it. Now that she was back in the world, she would repay the funds.
After a week she went 90 minutes north to see N- and a long weekend turned into a week, turned into a month. K- returned to Rochester once a month and for the first several months the visits were errands and work to help her return to secular life.
While K was in religious life and had paid off her debt, we asked her to lower our "rent" because we could not afford to continue paying her debt and ignoring our own. This was a huge boon and for a brief time we saw a light at the end of the tunnel and believed we could make progress.
When K- came back we put her on our cell phone bill, increased rent to help her live off of Social Security, and took a major cut to our own financial safety. All of K-'s focus was on N-. K- alternated between avoidance of discussions, claims to protecting N-'s privacy and direct and full lies. First we were told the brother had a "work project" and things were "unknown" and complicated.
For about 18 months things went along like this, K- would come down once a month and stay for a weekend and lie either explicitly or through omission. Things were okay but strained. She was doing childcare for N-'s three school aged children, and was staying with a friend. The renewal of friendship and the need for daily help made no sense and every time we asked we were given the same lies.
Details never shared and each visit we invested emotional and mental labor feeling like we were trying to prop her up against something we didn't know or understand. After a year we were told that N- was separated from wife; and living in a place that the kids "could not easily visit". Given his abusive behavior toward everyone, that did not surprise us. We were hopeful that everyone involved was building toward a better, healthier life and offered to be there for our family during this difficult time.
Finally 18 months after K- came back she suddenly moved into a townhouse and wanted some of “her” stuff. Despite our irritation at the suddenness at which all of our things were suddenly her stuff again, Abby went to visit and took many things that we were willing and able to donate to her mother’s new and healthy (we thought) life.
At this time it was finally revealed that N- had been in prison.
He had been in prison for the highest level of sexual assault possible in Minnesota because he preyed on a child. .
He faced a potential sentence of 10 years, but his in-laws and K- mother helped him financially and legally and he got 18 months in prison, a therapy program and 10 years of probation.
The townhouse K- moved into is shared with N- and for the past year has not come down to use the guest room that was left set up for her. Slowly she has asked for more items that she gave Abby and Tameka back; artwork, furniture, and other items while treating our home as unpaid storage.
She sees Abby as unreasonable for being unwilling to meet with her brother and reconcile. K- alternately views herself as Landlord and needing enough money to "survive off of" and Abby and Tameka as homeowners who must pay for any repairs themselves.
This has led to a number of unsanitary and unsafe situations such as a two year leak in the kitchen ceiling which led to a hole in said ceiling which has yet to be prepared.
Now K- wants to sell the house which Abby and Tameka been living in and struggling to maintain for half a decade. We have neither the means nor the interest in buying it from her. Especially as all talk of returning the $20K has vanished, and Mother needs to "get some of the equity back". And K-'s goal is to put the house on the market in spring.
One way or the other Abby and Tameka have to move and the healthiest thing, financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally, is to get out of Minnesota and go to Philadelphia.
In Philadelphia there is a network of healthy support, more jobs, and a good distance from a deeply abusive family. This GoFundMe is to provide the money needed to pack up the house, make the physical move, and then cover the first and last months rent needed to become established in a new state and city.
Abby and Tameka have a plan that could have allowed for a move in July 2020 - but pressure from her mother is growing and the situation is becoming consistently more unstable. We need help now to get out of a deeply unhealthy situation and start a life free from abuse.
At the time we moved into Abby's mother's house and the goal was to help her prepare herself, and her home, for a move into religious life. For a year our lives were dedicated to the mental, emotional, and physical labor necessary to make her new life happen.
We invested mental and emotional energy into Mother and her goals, and we put our own needs to the back burner. In exchange she gave us a soft place to land financially and physically. This seemed like a great deal at the time. We sent her on her way, and then began a multi year project of maintaining a house that was not in great order and sorting through a basement full of personal items and family stuff.
The understanding at the time was, we would eventually be able to purchase the house from her for the price of what was owed on the house, and everything left behind was ours. If she completed a year in religious life we were assured that she was not coming back.
That first year passed and we slowly made things our own, we changed out furniture and disposed of items, and Abby dealt with the challenge of monthly communication via mail - except during advent and lent season.
We paid more than the mortgage, we covered what was needed to erase her $20,000 in debt. We agreed because we felt that the ability to slowly buy a house at a significant reduced cost, and a year of support when we arrived was fair. We paid down her debt and managed to create a financial reserve. Meanwhile school debt, medical debt, and any ability to save for ourselves was impossible.
During this time, Abby's relationship with her brother, N-, eroded due to his consistent emotional abuse and after multiple attempts to reconcile, Abby cut off contact with an abusive person in her life..
Three years after entering religious life without warning Abby’s mother exited religious life and returned to secular life. Everything was, once more, put on hold to make room, a week was spent setting up a room, and moving things around. When she arrived we set her up with a phone, and a place to be. We put everything on hold again to help her.
We had a number of talks that week, including but not limited to the verbal assurance that Abby’s mother, K- would return the $20,000 of debt that we paid off. The understanding had been that Abby and Tameka paid off her debt specifically because she was “leaving the world,” as she called it. Now that she was back in the world, she would repay the funds.
After a week she went 90 minutes north to see N- and a long weekend turned into a week, turned into a month. K- returned to Rochester once a month and for the first several months the visits were errands and work to help her return to secular life.
While K was in religious life and had paid off her debt, we asked her to lower our "rent" because we could not afford to continue paying her debt and ignoring our own. This was a huge boon and for a brief time we saw a light at the end of the tunnel and believed we could make progress.
When K- came back we put her on our cell phone bill, increased rent to help her live off of Social Security, and took a major cut to our own financial safety. All of K-'s focus was on N-. K- alternated between avoidance of discussions, claims to protecting N-'s privacy and direct and full lies. First we were told the brother had a "work project" and things were "unknown" and complicated.
For about 18 months things went along like this, K- would come down once a month and stay for a weekend and lie either explicitly or through omission. Things were okay but strained. She was doing childcare for N-'s three school aged children, and was staying with a friend. The renewal of friendship and the need for daily help made no sense and every time we asked we were given the same lies.
Details never shared and each visit we invested emotional and mental labor feeling like we were trying to prop her up against something we didn't know or understand. After a year we were told that N- was separated from wife; and living in a place that the kids "could not easily visit". Given his abusive behavior toward everyone, that did not surprise us. We were hopeful that everyone involved was building toward a better, healthier life and offered to be there for our family during this difficult time.
Finally 18 months after K- came back she suddenly moved into a townhouse and wanted some of “her” stuff. Despite our irritation at the suddenness at which all of our things were suddenly her stuff again, Abby went to visit and took many things that we were willing and able to donate to her mother’s new and healthy (we thought) life.
At this time it was finally revealed that N- had been in prison.
He had been in prison for the highest level of sexual assault possible in Minnesota because he preyed on a child. .
He faced a potential sentence of 10 years, but his in-laws and K- mother helped him financially and legally and he got 18 months in prison, a therapy program and 10 years of probation.
The townhouse K- moved into is shared with N- and for the past year has not come down to use the guest room that was left set up for her. Slowly she has asked for more items that she gave Abby and Tameka back; artwork, furniture, and other items while treating our home as unpaid storage.
She sees Abby as unreasonable for being unwilling to meet with her brother and reconcile. K- alternately views herself as Landlord and needing enough money to "survive off of" and Abby and Tameka as homeowners who must pay for any repairs themselves.
This has led to a number of unsanitary and unsafe situations such as a two year leak in the kitchen ceiling which led to a hole in said ceiling which has yet to be prepared.
Now K- wants to sell the house which Abby and Tameka been living in and struggling to maintain for half a decade. We have neither the means nor the interest in buying it from her. Especially as all talk of returning the $20K has vanished, and Mother needs to "get some of the equity back". And K-'s goal is to put the house on the market in spring.
One way or the other Abby and Tameka have to move and the healthiest thing, financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally, is to get out of Minnesota and go to Philadelphia.
In Philadelphia there is a network of healthy support, more jobs, and a good distance from a deeply abusive family. This GoFundMe is to provide the money needed to pack up the house, make the physical move, and then cover the first and last months rent needed to become established in a new state and city.
Abby and Tameka have a plan that could have allowed for a move in July 2020 - but pressure from her mother is growing and the situation is becoming consistently more unstable. We need help now to get out of a deeply unhealthy situation and start a life free from abuse.
Fundraising team: Team Rainbow (2)
Abigail Davis
Organizer
Rochester, MN
Tameka Coleman
Team member