Help for my Dad, Larry Caughron!

Hi, my name is Heidi Wischler, and my Dad, Larry Caughron, passed away on July 19th, 2023, at the young age of 75, from severe dementia.

In 2017, my Dad was getting lost while driving to get coffee at his favorite little coffee shop in Placerville, CA. He was also getting lost while driving to get gas. He was taken by ambulance to the hospital ER several times due to getting lost and being very confused. Come to find out that he lost his job in 2015-16, due to memory issues, but it wasn't his fault, it was a disease, but he didn't know at the time. He didn’t get medical help or testing to find out what was going on either. Eventually, the State Adult Protective Services were contacted and opened a case, and then the State Public Guardian was contacted and stepped in. He had lost a few cell cellphones and he had my old cell phone number that I was forced to change for personal reasons, so we were out of touch for a few years, very regretfully.

So as I was looking for him online and on social media, the Public Guardian started contacting any known family and ex-wives, one of which was my Mom. They didn't contact me, but my Mom did and she told me that there is no other family and no one is willing to help him, so the State will take over or I have the choice of stepping in. I said, "Of course, I have to help him, there's no way that I’m allowing the State of California to take over his care"! I contacted the Public Guardian and started the communication process and found out what I needed to do in order start this process, which was a big process. I finally found one of my Dad's friends on Facebook, who contacted me and we were able to Facetime together and it was so wonderful.

We took a trip and drove down to visit him for Thanksgiving in 2017 and made appointments to meet with the Public Guardian, Senior Legal Aid, his Doctor, and friends. It was a very good and emotional time. We reconnected like no time had passed. I hated to leave, but I knew that we would be closer soon and that he was going to be ok. I knew I was going to help him and he would not be on his own! All my Dad talked about on our daily phone calls, after I got him set up with a home phone, is that he wanted to live with or very close to me. So I, with my husband's help, made his wishes come true. It was a long and involved process to gain Guardianship, especially out of state and without legal representation, but I did it and was able to help him the entire time, from afar.

In March, of 2019, we moved him up here to Lynnwood, WA from Diamond Springs, Northern California, after gaining legal Guardianship through the Court system. We moved him close to us in Washington State, into a very nice Adult Family Home, a few miles from our apartment, where he was safe and well cared for and I could visit very often. I am so very grateful for the close to 5 years we had together. If not for the dementia, he was very strong and healthy and would have lived much longer!

While living in the adult family home, I would take him on walks to Martha Lake and he would always want to stop and talk to the kids playing at the playground or any young people just walking by, as well as loved to pet any dogs that people were walking in the neighborhood. He enjoyed the little lake and said that it was his favorite and that he remembered it from a long time ago. I think he thought he was living in Iowa and it reminded him of a favorite spot at home. When interacting with people who have dementia, I have learned that you don't need to tell them that they just told you something, and to just let them think and be where they are and whatever makes them comfortable, that is what is important, so that is what I did.

My Dad loved playing the guitar and singing. He would walk around the care home and play and sing for other residents. I am a musician and music teacher, so we would play guitar and sing together, sit outside in the back yard and just talk and look at the sky, I would try to get him to draw, but he just liked watching me draw and color, we would tell stories and talk about all of the happy times in our lives, we would watch sports games on tv since he loved sports and was a great athlete himself! We would just spend time together. My husband and I took him to all of his medical appointments and were by his side through everything that he went through, which I think gave him support and comfort.

During 2020 and Covid issues, it was very hard and he declined pretty rapidly. He stopped playing guitar and it was too confusing to visit at his window. When we could safely visit, I would help him play guitar and sing, but he was starting to forget and get a bit frustrated and sad. I would play and he would sing, even if the words were not absolutely correct, he knew the tune! The dementia continued to progress and he would wonder, get agitated and get very confused, it was very sad. Usually he was fine with me. He did go to the hospital and he was just dehydrated, and continued to have urinary tract infections. He started getting weaker and eventually couldn’t walk much. Dementia eventually takes over the body. He was on Hospice Care just one month shy of 2 years, and bedridden much of that time, as dementia continued to take over and shut down parts of his functioning. He stopped eating, drinking, stopped swallowing, stopped talking, had breathing problems, for the last 6 days, the dementia took everything. I was there until the very end, singing to him, holding his hand and telling him he was safe, loved, cared for and that everything will be ok!

Larry was born in 1947 in Waverly, Iowa, where he lived his friends and enjoyed growing up there. He enjoyed playing sports and listening to records with his friends! His Grandmother raised him until she passed and he had to move to be with his aunt and uncle in Covina, California. He enjoyed the beaches and music, he even went to HS with a few of The Beach Boys!! He was a very kind, loving, generous, caring, talented guy! He joined the US Army Reserves and served for 6 years. He was an expert marksman and a great leader.

He was a Social Worker his whole working career. First with juvenile homes, working with young women, then child protective services (CPS) in Butte County, CA (we resides in Chico, CA), then he worked with CPS in Larimer County, Colorado, then when he moved back to northern CA in Placerville, he worked with adults with disabilities. He would have continued to work, had he not gotten let go for forgetting to pick up a client, not knowing or understanding that he was dealing with more than regular memory issues. He was an athlete, took good care of his body and health, playing football and baseball as a young man, then racquetball, working out at the gym, hiking, and continued to play softball for many years, on many different teams& leagues. After moving back to Northern California from Colorado, he joined a local Church and became an active member, playing on the softball team, attending services as well as volunteering on the moving team, to help people pack and load trucks if they were moving! Those people showed up for us, as we packed and moved him! He was a good friend and many people cared about him. He had a big heart!

He was also a self-taught guitar player and had a beautiful singing voice! I think he had perfect pitch, or very close! He would play and sing to my Mom and me before bedtime when I was young and would always tuck me in bed and tell me that he would check on me, always! He has influenced my life in so many ways! He taught me how to ride a bike, throw a ball, swing a bat, kick a soccer ball, did homework with me, played with me, cooked for me, organized my room, and much more! He showed me what a good man and husband look like & how a woman should be treated! He helped me develop into an athlete in my own life. He also was courageous enough to want to quit drinking alcohol and went to treatment and never drank again. That is such a huge accomplishment in life, and later I followed in his footsteps and am in Recovery myself.

I’m raising these funds to help with his cremation costs, filing Court paperwork, an Obituary, a small memorial and his Storage Unit fees for a few months to provide me some time to go through the rest of his belongings and make decisions about what to keep. We live in a small apartment and have a storage unit because we don’t have enough space to store all of our important and valuable things.

My Dad didn’t have life any insurance or any after-death plans, no Will or Power of Attorney, nothing, I made sure that his hard-earned money went to his care home costs, medical and dental costs, to move him to Washington, and to care for his needs and cover his bills. His Social Security payment for July, which is paid in August (it is paid a month later), I was told is being taken back out of his Conservatorship Checking Account that I set up for him before we moved him up here, which was going to help with some of these costs. The donations you give will help me honor my Dad by being able to take care of these important expenses for him and remove some of the stress.

I helped him and then took over legal Guardianship for about 6 years without any payment or financial gain, it was the right thing to do and I stepped up and took care of everything for him. Once someone is deemed incompetent, they can no longer make any legal decisions, so in order to help, I had to be his Guardian. It was time-consuming, challenging and confusing at times, but I’m grateful I did this. It’s important to me to help family, friends and people in need! My Dad had no other family. He was my ex step Dad, but he helped raise me, so he’s my Dad! I mention that because I had no legal rights as his stepdaughter, to help him, I had to apply for Guardianship through the Court system to help. I did so, out of State, and without legal assistance, and was able to transfer the Guardianship to Washington State, which was another involved and lengthy, challenging process.

Every year, I am required to report to the Court, to make sure everything is being done properly, and that process is also very time-consuming and confusing if you aren't a lawyer, but I believe that since I was able to complete a College Degree, I can research properly and figure things out, plus there is a Guardianship Monitoring Program at the Superior Court that has helped answer some questions so I was able to walk my way through the process. I want to help others who don't know what to do in these situations when family members have no plans, no Will, no Power of Attorney, and nothing in place for if and when something might happen and they need help.

Anything you can donate is so much appreciated and it will go towards paying these end-of-life expenses. Things have changed in the past few days, and the total amount needed has changed. That is due to more mail and updates (emails) about outstanding bills and issues that I’m addressing. Social Security has no after-death benefits, except for children under 18 years of age and spouses, so they are withdrawing his July deposit, which was going to be used for most of these costs. Now on top of the cremation and storage unit fees, there is a California Franchise Tax Board bill and I need to hire someone to complete his Federal Taxes for the past 6 years because I am held responsible for his Person and Estate.

At some point, I will be planning a small memorial that I will make available online for my Dad's friends that are unable to attend, and I plan to travel in the future to spread some of his ashes in one of his favorite places, his hometown in Iowa state. I am a self employed music teacher, so to take time off and travel, I have no vacation time or sick leave, so if I don’t work then I don’t earn, on top of paying to travel, so it’s hard. There might be other things that come up that I will be responsible for, so that is why I am asking for these funds. I have lowered the goal amount because some donations came in through other platforms, so I adjusted the total to reflect that.

Thank you for your support and generosity. It seems bittersweet because I am glad he is out of pain and out of the misery of dementia, but I miss him. I want to go visit him, sing to him, play his favorite songs and hold his hand. It breaks my heart, all of it, but I am so grateful that we had the last close to 6 years together. I hope that you can share this story and keep Larry's positive impact on this world alive and in our hearts, always. May he Rest In Peace and live on in our hearts forever. In Gratitude for your support, Heidi Wischler.