Needing help for a move and health issues

Hi there. Darrell (and Misha) Lucus here. This is going to be rather long, so bear with us. We’ve gone through the usual pitfalls of being newlyweds (married since Nov 2020), but this year has been particularly trying for us in many ways: multiple medical concerns for each of us and diagnoses which has led to some large medical bills that we are slowly trying to pay off. All of that is a lot to go through, and then throw in the fact that all three of our living parents are facing much larger health issues which we do not have full liberty to discuss here but feel free to reach out for more details to discuss privately.

In February, Misha and I had our year turned upside down when we found my mother had taken a nasty fall in her tub. Her recovery has been far more difficult than anticipated because she has deep tissue wounds that are still trying to heal in addition to a broken hip that has been repaired.

Fast forward to July, when we unexpectedly had to step in to take on primary day-to-day responsibility for caring for my mother after her former arrangement fell apart. Since I have to work, Misha had to run point for a time until my brother offered to came down to help. She spent the better part of two weeks at Mom’s house trying to figure out all the responsibilities and physically take care of her. For the first three days, it was basically just her during the day and overnight because my mother was not in a state where we felt comfortable leaving her alone. I went over there to help where I could after working a full day myself.

On Monday, July 15, my mom and Misha started feeling cold/flu like symptoms. On July 17, they both tested positive for COVID. Misha was able to get Paxlovid, but inexplicably had to pay a $400 copay. We both do DoorDash and Instacart to help with the bills, and the time lost due to the need to see to my mother’s care has come on top of several medical expenses of our own.

Additionally, Misha’s mom got an unpleasant surprise in October 2023. She learned the esophageal cancer for which she was treated in the spring of 2020 (before COVID mushroomed) returned as Stage 4. She is presently on chemo and pain meds to allow her to live somewhat normally. Misha’s father had a second knee replacement in August, and has other serious health issues as well. Reluctantly, we decided the only workable solution was to move to Misha’s hometown in West Michigan by this fall. While this was another unanticipated expense, Misha’s mom needs a lot of hands-on care and support, and we could not in good conscience force Misha’s sister to shoulder the burden of caring for both of their parents alone. That’s especially true with COVID now permanently with us. Moreover, the financial and emotional expense of shuttling back and forth between West Michigan and Charlotte is simply not sustainable long-term. My mother is progressing well enough that we feel safe taking this step, though I have every intention of coming back to visit and/or help if needed.

Specific needs/asks:

 ◦ Misha decided she had enough of being overweight and several health concerns: recent diagnosis was given as a type 2 diabetic, and has had high BP since 2017. In February 2023, she decided to start a program (Optavia) to get healthy which has come at a hefty financial cost, $500/month for program food + additional cost of one healthy meal a day that is made separately from program food. She is wanting/planning to become a coach for the program and help those who want to get healthy too. Through the discipline to follow the program for 17 months now, she just reached her weight loss goal this past week. Totaling a loss of 103lbs! She now plans to strive to lose another five pounds because she sees it is attainable. If you do the simple math of $500x17, you see that we have spent $8,500 on program food, so far. Once she obtains her goal, she will need to transition back into a more regular diet and use about half the amount of program food she had been using for a while, possibly indefinitely. Granted, we would have spent at least 2/3 of that on regular food because we all have to eat, but it was an increased cost. Very much worth the sacrifice and discipline to get healthy. So we reined in our already tight budget and made it work. I have also lost about 30lbs by making some modifications to my eating habits too. If you want to know more about the program, feel free to reach out to Misha. Still going to have additional cost for program food at least 3 moths before being able to scale back after transition. Since she has been on program for 17-18 months, it will take longer to transition to a more regular meal plan: 3 regular smaller meals and 3 fuelings/day (program food) instead of 5/day since beginning program. Estimated extra cost to come: $800.

 ◦ Misha started noticing more pain in her lower legs and feet last July. Still unsure the cause but doctor seems to think it is varicose veins. The veins in her calves bulge and throb unless she wears compression socks/leg compression sleeves or keep them elevated. The heat also increases the severity of pain. Not a huge expense to diagnose, and only form of treatment so far has been relatively inexpensive - compression items ~ $150. But doc did mention seeing a vein specialist for medical intervention if it becomes more serious or if she decides to try to fix the problem. Not too concerned about seeking additional medical intervention at this time. Pain is manageable thus far with the compression items.

 ◦ I had a scare of my own after my annual physical revealed my hematocrit was elevated. Our medical professional friends suggested one culprit was sleep apnea. I saw a sleep specialist out of an abundance of caution, and an at-home sleep test indicated that I have sleep apnea. Besides bills for the consult, a follow-up and a compliance check in October, I’m planning to get a CPAP machine. A friend let me use her old one as a start, but still looking into alternative solutions. Cost unknown??

 ◦ Additionally, we have nearly $12,000 in credit card debt that we have been paying on and trying not to use, but when no money is available and there is a need, it seemed like our only option. Misha still currently has about $42,000 in student debt that has either been able to be deferred or put on income based payment plan and given our income situation, she has been able to continue to not have to pay anything on them. Being that is the case, it is helpful but also not because it doesn’t help resolve that debt. We have asked both our families for financial help several times and so they are no longer really able to help being that they are incurring their own costly medical things as well.

 ◦ Misha had a scare with tightness in her chest in November. Due to a history of heart problems in her family, she saw a cardiologist out of an abundance of caution. Nothing was found after tests, but thanks to generous folks, we’ve paid this $1,000+ bill off now.

 ◦ Misha was feeling some lumps in her breasts and was concerned. Saw her OBGYN and she recommended a diagnostic mammogram to assess the situation further. OBGYN says that some women have naturally lumpy breast. The fact that she lost over 100lbs and experiencing looser skin, she is now better able to feel those lumps. Results: normal tissues. we were able to pay off this $175 bill also.

 ◦ We both need dental work soon to fix several issues despite good dental hygiene. Misha has several old metal fillings that are breaking down since they have been in there for about 25 years now. And she still needs a couple of crowns and potentially an implant eventually. I need to get my two front teeth fixed which have been damaged due to grinding my teeth at night. I wore store-bought mouth guards for approximately nine years, only to find out that they aren’t adequate protection. We’ve already incurred nearly $2,500 in dental fees thus far this year and looking at another $3,000 or more out of pocket after insurance coverage.

 ◦ Moving expenses: cheapest thing we have found so far is Uhaul truck one way. More expensive to do a round trip based on mileage that would be driven … ~625 miles from Charlotte to West Michigan + stops. When we checked earlier this year, estimated about $930 + gas for Uhaul and both of our cars. Maybe $1,150-$1,200??

 ◦ Misha was not able to work for income during those two weeks while helping take care of my mother. I also lost some time to go out and do DoorDash and Instacart, totaling a loss of nearly $600/week. Misha has continued not working the majority of August while she has been up in MI which has all been another loss of $2,000. Prayers she can find a remote job with flexible hours…found one recently and submitting an application, prayers that she gets it if this is what God has in mind for our future.

 ◦ When Misha is here in NC between necessary trips back to MI to help care for her parents, and until she can get our place in a better spot, she’ll likely not be able to work much if at all. If anyone is able to come over and help clean and/or pack we are welcome to that help and finding a time for you to come. Just know that our apartment is not up to our usual standards. Misha usually refers to it as organized chaos, but currently it’s just chaos…

As you can see, when you add all those costs/debts up it is a large amount of money. We don’t expect that those who take the time to read this and share with others to cover all of these costs, but just looking for some help to help ease the burden and perhaps pay off the medical bills for now. And Misha is looking for some remote work with flexible schedule to do so as she is able to help bring in some income. She has a math degree, enjoys admin type stuff, she is a problem solver, and loves doing data entry/inventory stuff, math tutoring (K-12 stuff). She has been actively searching for more stable work, but nothing legitimate has panned out. As ridiculous as it is, most jobs wouldn’t have looked kindly on a new employee hightailing it to her hometown for a family emergency. She opted to seek remote work rather than choose between her job and her obligations to her family. Any leads there appreciated.

Under normal conditions, these expenses would have been difficult, but manageable. But the added responsibility of caring for my mom, combined with the need to move to help care for Misha’s mom, was not something we anticipated. We were reluctant to ask for help; in particular, I prefer not to rely on handouts. But if anything qualifies as an exception, it’s this. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.