Pams Breast Cancer Recovery

For those that don't know, my name is Pam. I'm 43 and mom to 3 great kids, their dad and i are separated and they live primarily with me. I work full time while going to school full time, and life has just gotten even tougher.

This isn’t easy to write because I really don’t ask for help easily. Especially financial help. I feel so uncomfortable and embarrassed typing this. But it was suggested to me that I have nothing to lose by asking, so here I am. As many of you know, I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Because I have so little breast tissue (itty bitty titty club for life), a lumpectomy isn’t really an option, and it has been recommended that I have a bilateral mastectomy. I am electing for reconstruction at the same time to avoid future surgeries. As it is right now, we think I don’t need chemotherapy, but that can all change depending on pathology and surgical results. I should know more when the pathology report is back and will update accordingly.

I feel like I am on a rollercoaster, at that moment after you hear the last click at the top of the hill. There’s that pause where you regret every choice you made that led to this moment, and go oh crap, I want to get off, but all you can do is ride it to the bottom. That’s me right now. I want off. I want off so badly, but I have no choice but to hang on for the ride. There isn’t a lot of time given to process and make plans. It feels like it’s moving so fast, which is good, but it means a lot of decisions and plans need to happen right now.

At a minimum, I am looking at taking 3 months off work. I am lucky enough as a nurse to have short term disability, but it only replaces 2/3 of my income. If this had happened in a couple of years, we could tighten our belts and make it work, unfortunately, however I was just off work for over a year on WCB due to PTSD from workplace injury (#nurselife). I have only returned to full time work in the last 8 months, and between this and being in school, my savings are depleted, my credit cards are maxed. Every time I start to get ahead, something new happened (like Moose’s toe amputation, or a car accident). I had just started to get a head again in the past couple months and then all this happened. My sick and vacation banks are completely exhausted after my WCB claim. Losing a third of my income for 3 months is going to be really tough.

I am working with a social worker to access resources, but a lot of grants and support programs are not issuing grants right now. My eligibility for a lot of them is limited, because I received WCB for the majority of the last tax year. I am doing everything that I can to help myself because it is so tough to admit I need help, and so embrassing to ask.

The goal target will replace my lost income for the 3 months, so I can focus on recovery without worrying about paying bills. Any additional I am hoping to take my kids away for a weekend before treatment starts. They have had an incredibly rough couple of years, with my PTSD, and then their dad being diagnosed with MS, and now this, I think they need something positive to look forwards to. And i just want some time with them. I have always been so damn busy, and I am now realizing how much I put my kids on the back burner. They are amazing, resilient kids. And I regret every moment I chose to not spend with them.

Thank you all in advance for reading I appreciate any help, no matter how small.