Fresh Start for Ryan

After multiple unsuccessful attempts at launching a GoFundMe campaign, I am determined to gather support once more. Last year, I experienced a mental breakdown as a result of years of arduous work and being severely underpaid as a freelancer. Unaware of my autism and PDA (Pathological Demand Disorder), I approached each project with utmost dedication, treating them as special interests. Unfortunately, this made me vulnerable to exploitation. Despite always prioritizing affordability and working relentlessly to complete projects, I never imposed limits on myself, which often led to struggles in meeting deadlines. Moreover, I used to believe in hustling and going it alone, as I lacked substantial support in my life. Years of past trauma had left me in survival mode, constantly chipping away at my mental well-being. While I was once driven and drawn to the culture of motivation and sales, it eventually took a toll on my mental health.

I have persevered through the difficult challenges of childhood abuse, neglect, ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, and more. As an entrepreneur, I have encountered immense stress, and now I am determined to chart a new course for myself. For years, I have had a burning desire to transition into becoming an author and public speaker. Alongside this dream, I have taken on side businesses to make ends meet as the pressure mounted. I used GoFundMe to get help without bothering others with my problems. I have always believed that I needed to produce something substantial for people to care. None of my campaigns succeeded, and I struggled with financial issues, stress, and failed relationships, causing my life to unravel.

In 2022, I came to the realization that I have autism, but I was initially hesitant to accept it. Over the course of a year, I delved into this discovery because I struggled to believe it. Someone had suggested this possibility to me 8 years earlier, which upset me greatly at the time. I faced many challenges, such as paying rent and dealing with trauma, which helped me understand how my autism affects my daily life. It's hard to do simple tasks like sending an invoice or writing a proposal. I was so burnt out that I couldn't manage to send invoices to my clients or meet project deadlines, leading to financial struggles and the need to borrow money from friends and family to keep afloat. As I reached out to my family, I faced gaslighting and dismissal, which prompted me to turn to social media. My aim was to find a community and share the profound experiences I had been living with for so long.

My family doctor told me there are few resources for low-income people to get an Autism assessment. Nevertheless, he did diagnose me with ADHD and prescribed Vyvanse, which significantly improved my ability to focus. Last July, my landlord took me to court because I was regularly paying my rent late. As a result, I was given a court order to pay the submission fee and make sure to pay my rent by the 1st of each month. If I failed to comply, I would have 72 hours to move out. My landlord started asking for more things after the rental market changed, even though I always paid rent on time and got along well with them. Eventually, he evicted me because I missed the deadline for last month's rent by one day. I had 72 hours to move out.

After informing a client that I couldn't take on a job due to a recent eviction, the client generously offered me his vacant house. Despite this initial support, I struggled deeply with depression and dysregulation for three months. During this period, it was extremely difficult for me to manage work tasks, such as sending invoices.

When I made my homelessness public, I faced harsh criticism, with people accusing me of fraud and invalidating my autism, which made it even harder to raise necessary funds. In November, a serendipitous intake of dark chocolate, which contains bioamines that can boost serotonin levels, helped improve my mental health. This allowed me to get back to work and submit my invoices. Unfortunately, there was a delay with one of my projects, which led to a client withholding some of the payment due for my work. Although I submitted my invoices, the amount was less than I had anticipated.

During this time, I also had to manage expenses, including costs for Uber rides, which quickly depleted my limited funds. The client, while initially supportive, seemed to use my vulnerable situation as a means to influence my life, adding to my stress during an already tumultuous period.

Given my current vulnerability and my desire to avoid bureaucracy and intrusive interactions, I have chosen crowdfunding as my primary method to seek support. This approach allows me to maintain control over my situation without submitting to external control that could compromise my autonomy. Crowdfunding provides a direct and personal way to connect with those who are willing to support my journey, enabling me to navigate my needs on my own terms and away from systems that might feel unsafe or overwhelming.

At this pivotal moment in my life, I find myself needing time to heal and stabilize, so that I can transition out of constant survival mode and truly thrive. To support this transition, I have turned to crowdfunding to help meet some immediate and pressing financial needs.

Firstly, the funds raised will be used to clear $10,000 in outstanding utility bills, which will enable me to establish essential utilities in my new home. Additionally, securing a reliable vehicle is a priority, as my current car is no longer functional. This will eliminate the need for costly Uber rides, thus freeing up funds for other important needs.

Furthermore, I plan to use some of the funds to hire professional support to manage my business and personal finances, including organizing my affairs and completing taxes. This assistance is crucial for keeping up with my financial responsibilities.

Moreover, I have an upcoming speaking event that requires travel and accommodation. A portion of the crowdfunding proceeds will ensure that I can cover these costs without financial strain.

In addition to these needs, I am actively searching for a new home to maintain stability. This move is crucial for my well-being. Part of the funds will also go towards paying several months of rent in advance, allowing me the peace of mind and security to focus on restarting my career and seeking the professional help I need to manage my autism effectively.

Your support through this crowdfunding campaign would not just be a financial aid but a crucial contribution to my overall healing and journey toward autonomy. This support is a gesture of trust and community that I deeply appreciate. Previously, I hesitated to ask for help, wanting to believe in my ability to manage independently. However, the reality of my situation has made it clear that additional support is essential. Stability, both mental and physical, is not a luxury but a necessity. While social media has been a helpful outlet, it is not sufficient for my mental health needs. Professional help from someone experienced with autism is critical.

Your contribution to this campaign will help ensure that I do not find myself in an emergency without adequate resources, allowing me to continue working towards a stable and fulfilling future. Thank you for considering my request and for any support you can offer.

This has been edited as I had to remove information that protects my family and protects me while I am still in a vulnerable situation.