Help Patti Keep Her Grandsons Out of Foster Care
Patti Gillespie needs immediate financial assistance so that her three grandsons - Tyrese, Izayah and Jonah - do not have to be placed into foster care.
Tragically, both of Patti's parents - Ralph and Peggy - recently died of Covid less than two weeks apart (on January 7th and 19th) after forty years of marriage.
They died alone like so many others during this pandemic, and Patti was not able to say goodbye. Patti is devastated and trying to grieve. But she cannot.
Instead, Patti is overwhelmed by the uncertain future of her three grandsons. You see, after rescuing the boys from an abusive home in 2016, Patti has been raising them by herself for the last five years with the generous financial support of her parents.
This support is now gone because of the the unexpected deaths of Ralph and Peggy from Covid.
Patti does not know what she will do without a place to live, and without the necessary resources to get back on her feet so that she can support the boys on her own. She does not want to lose her grandsons.
Patti needs our help to prevent this; she cannot endure the tragedy of losing her grandsons on top of losing both of her parents.
I admire her tremendously. Patti has done the most important thing any of us can do in life: She has unconditionally loved and protected her family. That kind of achievement, that kind of light, deserves our helping hand in these dark times.
She will use the money raised from this GoFundMe as a short-term solution (over the next 6-9 months) to help pay for the burial/funeral cots of her parents, as well as for the costs related to keeping her grandsons together, including rent, food, gas and electric, other utilities, household expenses, and medical bills.
Patti is incredibly proud and strong and a hard-worker. Once she is able to come through this grieving process and get through these next few months, she plans on becoming fully independent in her support of the boys. Patti just needs help to land on her feet after her parents' death from Covid.
Please consider (1) donating to Patti's cause (no amount is too small or too large), and (2) sharing this message on social media or copy/paste/send the link to anybody you feel would be interested in donating.
I want to share with you three (3) things about Patti that make her so deserving of your support, as well as some photos of her remarkable life.
----> First: Patti is responsible for giving life to my daughter, Julianne
Patti was our surrogate and gave birth to Julianne in 2004.
But she is much more than that now: Patti is a beloved member of the wider Henigan family.
She is a fierce and loving supporter of Julianne and myself. During my own family crisis in 2018, Patti selflessly uprooted her life in California and devoted months of her time and energy in New Jersey to help rebuild our lives.
And now Patti needs my help.
----> Second: Patti is the Matriarch, Mom and "Gamma" to her family, and she has always put her family's needs above her own.
She has devoted her entire life to her three children and seven grandkids; at every turn of her life, Patti has sacrificed her own personal ambitions and well-being in order to provide love and stability to her family.
** Raising Her Three Grandsons On Her Own
Throughout Patti's adult life she has worked many different service jobs to help support her children and grandchildren. During this time, different members of Patti's family (adults and grandchildren) have lived with her on-and-off with Patti's financial support.
In her early 40's (once her kids and grandchildren seemed to be on a good path), Patti decided to do something for herself and go back to school to earn a college degree. She started in Community College and then transferred to California State University (San Bernardino) where Patti graduated in 2014 with honors, winning the student-of-the-year in Business Administration. She then began a promising new career working in the HR department of the County of Riverside.
This new beginning for Patti came to a halt in 2016: Patti’s three grandsons were in crisis. The boys (Tyrese, Izayah and Jonah; ages 12, 10 and 8 at the time) were in an abusive and dysfunctional home as their mom (Patti's oldest daughter) suffers from addiction and mental health issues.
And, as Patti has done so often throughout her life, she sacrificed her own ambitions and gave up her dream of building a career in HR and creating an independent life. Instead, she chose family.
The boys were enduring severe emotional abuse, failing in school, going hungry, being unsupervised and left on their own, and were not loved. In addition, the urgent medical needs of the youngest grandson, Jonah, were not being addressed and he risked getting serious infections, kidney failure, or even worse. Jonah has "Prune Belly Syndrome" causing the absence of abdominal muscles, which for Jonah means that his kidneys do not function properly and he has a bladder three-times the size of a normal one. He needs catheterization 24/7 and is at risk for a kidney transplant.
Patti agreed to raise the boys; and Patti's parents agreed to provide them all with a place to live and financial help to make ends meet.
Patti poured all of her emotions and energy and time into turning the boys lives around. She provided stability, structure, routine and discipline; she worked with teachers and school counselors; set up specialized instruction and tutoring; attended to the 24/7 medical care and catheterization of Jonah.
But most of all, Patti provided what every child deserves: kindness, generosity, joy, holidays, celebrations, laughter, and most of all, unconditional love. Patti made certain that the boys knew that they were safe and loved no matter what.
The boys have thrived as a result of Patti becoming their parent. They have gone from failing grades to A's/B's; they are on the honor roll, student council, and school sports teams; they have made good friends and attended middle and high school dances; and they have celebrated birthdays and holidays with joy. In addition, Jonah is much healthier and at lower risk of kidney infection and transplant.
All of this is due to Patti's unconditional love.
** Helping to Raise Her Other Four Grandchildren
Even while Patti devoted her life to her three grandsons these past five years, she has also been significantly involved with the care and raising of her other four younger grandchildren.
Patti's second daughter, Chanae, is in the Army and was posted to Korea in 2019 and needed someone to care for her babies in the U.S. while she was abroad. And Patti stepped up; so, for most of 2019 and 2020 (and in addition to caring for the three older grandsons) Patti also took on the responsibility of the full-time care for her two youngest toddler-grandkids, Nevaeh and Naeco (ages 3 and 1 at the time).
In addition, Patti also watches her other two other grandkids, Milania and Gio (ages 7 and 6) for 1-2 weeks approximately every other month due to their family's work situation. Gio has autism and lights up in the presence of Patti.
Over the last couple of years, there were numerous several-week stretches where Patti was solely responsible for all seven grandkids.
** Raising Her Nephew as Her "Son"
Finally, Patti's efforts in helping to raise and take care of her grandkids was not the first time that Patti took on the responsibility of raising a family member that was not her biological child.
Patti raised three children on her own as a single-parent (Cristina, Nick, and Chanae, now ages 37, 37, and 29).
Nick is technically Patti's nephew, but he is her son in every meaningful way. As she did with her grandsons later in her life, Patti rescued Nick from an abusive home and took him into her household at age 11. Patti has been his "mom" for the past 26 years.
----> Third: Patti is the most selfless, caring, generous and loving person I know.
For me, the thing that stands out about Patti is that she does everything possible to make the people she loves feel special. It is her special super power!
If it is your birthday, or your favorite holiday, or you are feeling down, or if something good or bad happens in your life, Patti makes it a point to make you feel seen, heard, understood, and loved.
She does this with her grandkids all the time; with very little resources, she manages to get balloons, decorations, special/favorite foods, games, and party favors. The grandkids light up in Patti's presence and know that they are unconditionally loved.
One quick story of Patti making me feel special:
As many of you know, Julianne and I went through a very difficult family crisis in 2018 and we had to sell our house of 20 years and move into an apartment. Patti was here for months to help us. When she left, both Julianne and I kept finding "handwritten notes" from Patti taped all over the new apartment in the most unlikely of places. We are still finding them.
Right before this past Christmas, I found two notes from her (two years later!) taped under a desk and hidden at the back of a closet. The notes said "Don't Look Backwards!!!" and "You Deserve to have fun and be happy!" (I attach below a photo of these notes).
From afar, and years later, she is making me feel special!
----> PHOTOS:
Below are some photos of Patti with her grandkids, parents, and family, including with myself and Julianne.
** Patti's three grandsons whom she is raising (left to right, Izayah, Tyrese and Jonah)
** Tyrese and Izayah before Izayah's middle school dance
** Izayah and his Honor Roll certificates (earned a year after being with Patti)
** Izayah and Patti
** Me, Julianne, Izayah and Patti in NYC
** Tyrese and Patti
** Jonah
** Patti's Deceased Parents (Ralph and Peggy)
** Patti and her Mom (Peggy)
** Patti's Mom (Peggy) and Nevaeh
** Patti's Dad (Ralph) and Izayah, Tyrese, Nick and Jonah
** Patti's Mom (Peggy) and Jonah, Nick, Izayah, Naeco and Tyrese
** Patti and Her Mom (Peggy)
**Patrick, Patti and "Photo-Bombing" Julianne
** Julianne and Patti
** Patrick's Parents, Sister, Julianne and Patti
** Julianne and Patti
** Patti, Naeco and Neveah (whom she took care of for almost two years - together with her three grandsons - while their mom was stationed in Korea)
** Patti, her Mom (Peggy), Naeco and Neveah
** Milania and Gio trick-or-treating at Patti's house
** Nevaeh, Milania, Naeco and Gio having a picnic at Patti's house
** Nevaeh, Milania and Gio and Patti's house
** Jonah, Izayah, Tyrese, Gio and Milania
** Gio having fun with Patti
** All seven grandkids, and Patti's son Nick
** Patti at her college graduation in 2014
** Patti’s son Nick, Izayah and Patti 
** Patti’s son Nick and her Mom (Peggy)
** Patti's Handwritten Notes to Me just recently discovered two years later!