Paxton and his Fight with the Devil (Cancer)

Have you ever had one of those days or weeks or months when you walk past someone and thought "I wish they knew the crap we are going through and just ask for a bit of help"? But you feel that is so difficult and hard to do? Trying it for years as a Family of a child with cancer. Not days, not a week, not a month. Paxton is at three years.

I met Paxton and his Mom at St. Jude. Ellie was just starting chemo after her Radiation and Paxton was just getting ready for a long long journey through Radiation and Chemo. Our kids had the small name of cancer, but vastly different in their molecular make up. Ellie's treatment was lower Gray units of Radiation and only 4 rounds of chemo. Paxton had twice the radiation as she did and 7 rounds of chemo slated.

This is not what a kid should even think about, let alone go through. But at 5, he is not going through it alone, his whole family is in for a long ride.

Fast forward almost two years, and the Devil is still around. Cancer relapsed. Amanda and Kris had struggled through the massive storm of Paxton's treatment. Lots of lost work, lost wages, stacked medical, house payments, car payments, etc. Hoping to dig back out of that. BUT, the Devil said NO.

Everyone shows up the first month or so. Everyone offers the help at that time. Everyone sends food and prayers and messages. It truly is a blessing. But people fade back in to their own lives. Most of them have to do so. They have burdens of their own. The true friends and family grind with you. But the list is much smaller, especially when the everyday issues of life stack up higher and higher.

So I am asking you to step up here. Amanda and Kris are whooped. Exhausted. Trips back and forth to the hospital. The nose bleeds. The sleepless nights. If you think you have hit a mental exhaustion point in your life, you have not come close to what they have endured.

You have a chance to do a small favor for a family you have not met. A family you will probably never meet. A kid who can make you laugh and cry in a span of a few minutes. You don't have to do it. But I promise you this, you will feel better. Feel better of helping a stranger. Feel better of knowing you make a difference. You can help someone breathe for a few minutes.

What is this for:

Catch up on house payments

Catch up on car/truck payments

pay for trips to the ER and clinic for the massive nose bleeds and the transfusions.

Preparation for maybe the end......

This family has hard choices to make. What bills to pay and balancing how to treat their son. Why do we have these choices? There should never be reason to have to choose between bills and your son.

So I ask you to do something that you aren't obligated to do. I am asking you to do something that maybe even no one will know about. I am asking you to do the right thing when no one is looking. And you will be rewarded with your own joy. Your own hope. And I promise Paying it Forward is well worth it.

Dan Simoneau (Cancer Dad/Friend of the Idell's)

From Amanda-

I have what feels like a million things running in my head all at once. Like I’m living in 2 different worlds.. with one foot in each of them. In the end, I just want to run away with him and leave all this behind.

I think it’s fucked up that he was diagnosed again nearly 2 years to the day of his original cancer diagnosis. What sort of cruel sick joke is that? I think it’s not fair that this boy has been literally fighting to be alive since before he was born. I think about, am I and will I be strong enough to know when his body has had enough of trying to prolong it all. However long that is. At this point, I have watched, seen video and pictures and been described, in detail what it looks like when these kids pass from brain cancer. Brain cancer is cruel.. it effects the whole body and who they are. How do I do that?

I think about .. does he really know how much he is loved? Agony is just a word but to feel that. I swear if the devil was in front of me with a deal that let him live I would be signing those papers.

I think about needing to take him to the zoo. Because he has never been. He was always afraid of the animals eating him. What all can I show him in a short amount of time? How do I make sure he isn’t forgotten?

I haven’t really stopped crying since Tuesday. I would randomly be at St. Jude and my throat would feel like I was being stabbed in the left side and that it was closing up on me. Today I’ve basically lost my voice. If you talked to me this morning early afternoon.. it’s worse. I’ve had panic attacks and can literally feel my heart skipping beats. I already do that and on meds for it but now it’s worse.

The reason he is afraid of dying … he wouldn’t be me.”

Paxton has relapsed- Pediatric Medulloblastoma (brain cancer). All funds raised will be used for medical bills, travel expenses incurred from hospitals in and out of state, medications, house payments, food and lodging. And most importantly anything they need to help Pax smile more.

PS #FUCKcancer