Please Help Rebuild My Shattered Life

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DONATION GOALS

$3000 - Pay off debt for car transmission

$20000 - Also pay off debt for the car, and other small debts

$50000 - Also pay for 2-3 years of university tuition for double major in Information Science and East Asian Studies

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I hate that I have to do this...but I don't have a choice...and need all the help and support I can get right now...

To anyone who is watching this, hello. My name is Kai. You may have seen me on Youtube and Twitch as ShinRyuuji. You may know my channel from fighting games, music mashups and remixes, or memes. I’m making this video because…I need help. Badly. My life has been essentially ruined. A series of events, along with lots of bad luck, snowballing hardships, and a decision my former partner of 2 years, shattered my life and future and brought me to an all-time low.

To give a bit of backstory on my former life, I got my partner out of a terrible situation a year ago. My former partner had many ailments and disabilities that hindered her from doing even the most essential things and stopped her from working almost every single job. She was diagnosed with C-PTSD (which is complex post-traumatic stress disorder), dyscalculia (a condition where one cannot even do simple math and is permanent for her entire life), social anxiety, suicidal thoughts, self-harming habits for well over a decade, and severe depression to the point of hindering our daily life. With all of these things, every job she had she was not able to keep due to social anxiety, stress, meltdowns, accidents, exhaustion, suicidal thoughts, mental instability, inability to do simple math, and other various factors that made her become let go or laid off unjustly. The only job she could do was delivery jobs such as Instacart and GoPuff.

Since her arrival, my partner had to fight a terrible divorce, threats from her ex-husband of manipulating the ICE for deportation fraud, green card renewal issues, suffering through physical, emotional and mental pain daily for years on end and not being able to afford healthcare or mental health care. She couldn’t even get a check-up or her health issues checked due to the expensive private practice companies. I had to fight tooth and nail to be able to get her basic things like getting her license and a job.

Now a bit about me. I was born with Goldenhar Syndrome. That means I had a cleft palate not detected at birth, a clubfoot at birth, and permanent facial palsy, meaning I could not speak properly for the rest of my life. I only had a 35% chance of being able to speak before my critical first surgery, and even that cost my mother her life savings. But thankfully…it was successful. I had to undergo many surgeries to get to where I am. Still, because of my facial palsy, disabilities, racism based on my being Southeast Asian and my religion as a Muslim, I was constantly discriminated against most of my life. I tried my hardest to try and provide for both of us, especially when we needed loans. But I was constantly denied loans due to reasons out of my control, although my credit rating was over 700, and my income was sufficient to pay the monthly payments. In addition, I have been denied jobs due to my facial palsy, despite being qualified for the positions, and being let go with many of my jobs due to my speech impediment and how it affected customers.

I can 100% confirm that no HR or manager ever wanted to admit it, but I could never take legal action due to Virginia and North Carolina having an “At will employment” law. My employers did not want to say they fired me for my disability, but they did. The last instance was at La Dolce Vita, an Italian restaurant. Despite my efforts working harder than any of the staff, they fired me due to my speech and hired a teenager in my place. I only caught wind of it through the manager discussing it with the owner, saying it makes them look less attractive and affects customer service. Both of us had to fight for everything in our life. And for the last year, every single hardship under the sun fell on our lap.

I bought a 2015 red Nissan Sentra that I spent three years saving up to $8000 as a way for both of us to work. This was our primary source of income. I had been studying for the last two years for an Associate’s Degree at I.T., so my former partner had to work to support us off what little income she made off GoPuff. When I was returning from doing some Instacart on the way home, the unthinkable happened…

A lady crashed her car into mine from over two lanes at night. She completely wrecked not only my vehicle…but she destroyed our life. The insurance company declared my 2015 Sentra a total loss. And they only gave us $6000 to cover our losses. So I had also to forsake going to the hospital and getting looked at due to our having so little money and inability to afford more debt, and not sufficient proof that I was injured, even though I suffered some injuries and cuts on my shoulder, arm, and neck.

We could not afford to pay doctor or hospital bills because neither of us had healthcare. Before the car crash, I tried working for Doordash and Instacart. But I often had to drop my work to concentrate on my studies. That being said, I can happily say I graduated and made a GPA of 3.83. But…I’m still jobless and haven’t found any work in my field…

I was always passed over despite my education, certifications, and resume because I did not have experience and needed a job or internship to get experience; I was passed over for someone younger with more qualifications. Also, as I mentioned before, I was discriminated against due to my speech disability and sometimes my race and religion. Yet, nobody has honestly hired me for 3, 4, 5; god knows how many years, despite the very few low soul-crushing retail and restaurant jobs I got before the relocation or letting me go.

Going back to the crash, we were desperate. We needed a car, and fast. So I scoured around and made the naive choice of financing another Nissan Sentra. a 2019 model, for $19,000.

This was back in August 2021. I invested in this terrible car because so many banks had rejected me, denied many loans, my credit score took a massive beating, and Westgate Mitsubishi was the only person who managed to get me financing. Finally, things were slowly starting to turn around with the $6000 we had as our life savings, and we kept saving. But then more problems came…

The white Sentra we were financing needed a lot of maintenance. A LOT…of care. The dealership did not tell us how much required maintenance, and I felt like a fool. In my naivete, I signed an arbitration agreement, and the car was sold as-is with no warranty. I was an absolute fool. This was my first time financing and buying a car myself. We had to pay around $4000 for constant maintenance and servicing. There was nothing we could do about it. It mostly came from my former partner’s paychecks, and it hindered us from being able to save money. We still saved money…but not that much…

Then…yet another accident happened. When my former partner was working, an employee from Duke Energy hit our car while parked. WHILE IT WAS PARKED!!

It took at least 3 months to get to Duke Energy’s insurance, Sedgwick. But, eventually…after many months they finally managed to pay for the car's repairs for the damaged back and front bumper and the weather strip on the passenger right side.

I thought we were finally rid of problems when only about a few months ago…our Sentra broke down. My former partner heard a BANG while working night shifts at midnight, and the car would not accelerate. The transmission was shot. Westgate ended up selling us a lemon that broke down after 9 months of usage despite meticulous $4000 worth of servicing and maintenance. We still also have $16,000 of debt left on this car (Now, bear in mind, this is all in my name. This is important for later)…

Everything seems to be going wrong constantly…we cannot catch a break in our life, and our life was jeopardised once more. I had to catch a $50 Uber to my former partner, calm her down for an hour, and then we waited for 6 hours inside the car in the cold rain for zero tow trucks after calling four services. We eventually had to leave the car and catch another $50 Uber home. AAA managed to finally tow the car home after 11 hours of waiting. After we got the car towed, we found out the car repairs are estimated at $5500 to replace the transmission and fix the car. We didn’t have that kind of money. If we fix the car, a good chunk of our life savings would be gone. We would almost be unable to function or live without worrying about our savings, especially with our $2000 monthly bills, including rent, food, gas, electricity, car payments, insurance payment, and other bills necessary to live the bare minimum.

We didn’t have a working car. So we weren’t able to work. We still owe money on the vehicle, and our bills are high. So we had to get the transmission financed for $3000 and ended up paying $2500 out of pocket.

We ended up fixing the car but at the cost of most of our savings. So we ended up being back to square one. I had to finish studying while my former partner worked as much as she could for the last 6-8 months. While working as much as she could, she sacrificed her mental, physical and emotional health to spend time with me and be the best partner she could be.

Unfortunately…it turned out we were just incompatible after two years. I finally graduated. But my former partner became mentally unstable, had lost her mind, was very suicidal, and was constantly self-harming herself. After graduation, I went on a trip to compete in EVO, the world-fighting championships. It was my first time there, and it was terrific.

Little did I know that she suddenly left while I was at EVO… on the day I was returning home. Without any warning.

On top of leaving, she took all her things, including taking all my scholarship money. Around two months ago, I got $6000 worth of scholarship money from my community college after being accepted. She ended up taking that, as well as all of our life savings.

I didn’t have any money to return home. My family had to give me $300 to return home safely. By the time I got back, almost everything was gone. She only left me 10% of all our life savings. Enough to pay for only two months of bills…and I’ve already paid for last month and this month with what was left. So I have almost nothing now. My whole life was shattered and ruined because of her decision a month ago.

On top of that, remember how I told you to remember the $19-$20,000 of debt in my name? Yeah…she left me with that, as well as the $3000 of debt for the transmission, $500 of debt on her phone she left behind, and $1000 on a graphics card she financed for me.

And with me not having a job, I barely have any way to pay my bills or save money for what I want to do. That’s not all. After my former partner left me, I got a notice from my property management Keystone saying my lease was up and was non-renewable for no reason despite being a good tenant who never got into trouble and always paid my rent on time for the last three years.

And as if all of that wasn’t enough…I ended up getting COVID.

And have been quarantined in the house for the last few days. Meaning that all this time, I have not been able to work at all. Nor take any job interviews until I feel better. My home is gone. My former love is gone. My money's all gone. And my hopes and dreams. I’m now forced to live with my parents, with me carrying heavy debt, while they also have a second mortgage when they had to sell their house in Australia and come to live there. They have been trying desperately to pay it off for the last six years and are growing old. My father is already close to retirement age, while my mother is also starting to become close to that age. So I am desperately trying to find a job or an internship in IT every day for hours. I’ve already faced around ten job rejections and barely any interviews. I have zero luck despite having an IT Associate’s Degree, an IT Diploma and a few certifications, a good resume and good interview skills; I still get passed over, and COVID makes sleeping almost impossible for me.

This is why I am turning to you all. I am broken inside. A big part of me has died. I am majorly depressed. But I am a fighter. I won’t just lay here and do nothing. I need your all’s help to change all this and fight back. Even a small donation of whatever people can afford can make a huge difference in changing my life. I can’t give up. And I won’t give up. Not when my former life was taken from me like this. I want to rebuild my life again and turn everything around.

I want to open my own game studio one day like Daisuke Ishiwatari and be just like him

Along with Hideo Kojima

Hideki Itsuno

Hideki Kamiya

Shu Takemi

Toshihiro Nagoshi

And Shinji Mikami.

I want to make my own video games like Guilty Gear

Devil May Cry

Asura’s Wrath

Metal Gear Solid

Ace Attorney

Yakuza

And other hits like that. I want to write music covers for songs and maybe write my own music one day for the games I create. I want to learn how to draw and be an artist and draw 2D art, 3D modelling and animation for both 2D and 3D. I want to make video games, play music, draw art, and maybe one day also make my own manga stories. I also want to fulfil my dream of participating in esports as a fighting game player, despite almost being 30. I still want to try.

I have so many ideas and ambitions. But I lack the one thing I need to make all these things happen: Money. This is why I started this fundraiser. To raise enough funds to rebuild my shattered life and give me a second chance. I don’t want to be someone with nothing to contribute to the world anymore. I want to change. I know my aim for this fundraiser is high, and I am sorry that my goal is so lofty. But with all the calculated funding I need, it has to be this high.

I aim to raise $50,000. But even $20,000, let alone $3000, will be enough to make me content. It would at least help pay off the phone, graphics card, and transmission debt I owe, so it would only be the car payments.

I will now explain to you what I will use the funded money for:

First, I will pay off ALL my debts owed here in the U.S. I will pay off the $16,000 I owe for the car and the $3000 I owe for the transmission, as well as any small debt I owe to other people who have helped me or to those things I mentioned above.

Next, I will be applying to the University of North Carolina. I intend to study a double major, Bachelor’s in Information Science and East Asian Studies - a Japanese Concentrate. It will take about 2-3 years to finish my Bachelor’s with a double major. And the calculated tuition will probably be around $30,000. I doubt all my financial aid will cover that, but I will try to use whatever money I can from the fundraiser to pay off whatever I owe for tuition over the next few years.

Most of the other money will be used as life savings over the next three years. I have always wanted to live in Japan, as well as work for some of the game studios there, such as Arc System Works

Platinum Games

ATLUS SEGA

Kojima Productions

You get the idea. Once I finish my Bachelors, along with whatever is left from the money raised, I will use the three years it takes to complete my Bachelors to work at a job or an IT internship and increase my life savings. I will then apply to a Japanese language school and immigrate to Japan on a student visa. The rest of my life savings will be used to live in Japan, pay for the expenses and tuition, and help me survive while I graduate and try to find work in Japan. I will try to apply for an IT job in Japan when my Japanese is at least N2 and use that job to pay my bills. But if that doesn’t work out, I will work as a teacher through the JET program or try to get a job at one of the companies mentioned above in localization or translation.

Finally, with whatever life savings is left, there is a college called Tokyo Communication Arts College where I can study a Bachelor’s in a Game/Arts Degree and use that to help apply for a company. I can then work on game art, learn how the industry does things, and one day open my own studio.

You have my word that I will use the funding. On top of that, I am using my spare time to study Japanese intensely. I intend on taking the N4 JLPT exam around July 2023. I am also working on 3D modelling, drawing, getting better at musical instruments and sound composition, video editing, programming, creating more covers and remixes, learning Unreal Engine 5, and learning how to animate practice fighting games, and overall better myself. I am focusing on one at a time and doing a little bit each day as we speak. For now, I’m focusing on Japanese and learning 3D modelling.

If you have made it to the end of reading my story, thank you so much for your time. Your help would be so appreciated. Please share this video with everyone you can. And if you can donate to help my cause, I would be so grateful. I also plan on starting a Patreon once I become more skilled in my creative works.

I am done wasting time and wasting my life away as I did in my teens and 20s when I was absolutely clueless. I want to achieve something. I want to be successful. So please…help me become successful. And help me not only reach my goals but fix my life.

Thank you...and God Bless you all