Help Terri and Phil Desing!

Hi guys:

Dave Hinkle, my hubby Gary (BHS '74) and I got together and wondered how we could lend a hand right now to Terri and Phil Desing after the loss of their daughter Nicole on May 8th and also after Phil having two strokes, the second stroke- the day after Nicole passed. Terri had (in the midst of all of this) started a new job and her dad, Alex Vafides died in February.

We told Terri we wanted to help. Terri and Phil being very private said "they feel so unworthy, there are so many other people who deserve and need special love" but they now undertand we are going to help.

Dave and I contacted Dan DiCarlo who graciously set up a GO FUND ME so we can lend a hand and take the burden ~ for awhile ~ letting Terri and Phil and their family heal in all ways.

Remember, Terri and Phil met in 10th grade French class.... Didn't we love them-- all thru high school?

I know I did-- so fun. Terri and Phil are very private and feel that they are not worthy *but I have asked to tell their story*. By telling their story it helps Gary (BHS '74) and I as we also lost our son CJ (BHS ' 2002) 16 years ago.

Addiction affects whole families, in so many ways. Terri and Phil have 2 wonderful sons, a fantastic daughter in law, a wonderful future daughter in law, and a heart bursting, sweet, loving Grandaughter!

They also had a daughter, Nicole. The boys, and daughter in law, went through 15+ years of Nicole’s ups, downs, addiction, mostly to alcohol, multiple rehabs, hospital stays, depression, ruined apartments, money, colleges unfinished, and life stories most people would hardly believe. But she was loved! When one family member goes through addiction, the entire family is greatly affected, and suffers. Nicole loved life, had a good heart, was kind, but she could not find her way in life. She lived in Florida, and SC, sometimes rehab, sometimes homeless.

Terri and Phil drove to Florida more than once to try to find her. Terri called her the ever-ready bunny because she was always breaking a bone, falling, in the hospital, 3rd degree burns on her entire thigh from hot coffee…on and on, but Terri always told her they love her, every conversation. She just didn’t love herself maybe. Her health was continually declining. Cirrhosis, pancreatitis, etc.

In March, while buying a small house in Richmond, VA, and with their youngest son, Phil had a stroke. Spent a month in the hospital and inpatient rehabilitation. Terri was with him, and the kids continually visited.

Then Nicole went in the hospital again, her organs all shutting down. They went to SC, and we’re blessed to be able to spend her last days with her, Terri in the bed with her, talking to her, even thought she couldn’t respond, playing her music, and reassuring her that she would go to Heaven. She was so scared, but said “Mom” 3 times, so she knew Terri was there. Her her brothers and sister in law came, and in the end, she opened her eyes, looked around awhile, and moved on to Heaven May 8th, complete organ failure. The entire family is gutted, and so sad. She was so loved. She is with God, and the angels now, at peace.

The next day, Phil had another stroke. Back to the hospital, and just got home May 24th. The family chose not to have services at this time but at Nicole's request a backyard memorial Cocoon will be created and perhaps special landscaping will be done at the new house.

Living with addiction has opened their hearts and minds to being better people, and they plan to somehow help others, in whatever way God leads them.

So- BHS '76 friends: "We" could help Terri with healthy meals, cover the move, the packing, cleaning the new house, painting the new house, any mobility modifications in the new house that can make the ~new life~ easier, unpacking and arranging.

Not physically--- just knowing the financial end is provided by the GO FUND ME with whatever needed that day. Groceries and food delivered, a cleaning service for a few weeks while Terri continues to juggle her new job -- we all know the overwhelming lists that keep us up at night.

*** Thanks for your help-- Dave Hinkle Linda Fitzgerald BHS '76 ROCKS!! ***

FROM TERRI AND PHIL:

Phil and I are brought to our knees with overwhelming gratitude for the love, reaching out to us, the care, and thoughts & prayers from our friends at BHS.

I am in awe, and cant tell you enough how much you all help just by calling, messaging, and caring. Going through years of family addiction is isolating, and we are constantly asking ourselves “are we doing too much?, not enough? What???

Our brain says one thing, but the heart says another. You have made us feel loved, and not alone in this. We are so thankful. That is everything, and all we need. Thank you!!! We will keep in touch, and miss you all more than you know.

With a heart full of love,

Terri and Phil