please support me through my cancer journey

Hi there! Thank you for taking the time to click on my gofundme. My name's Holly, I’m 22, and I’ve recently been diagnosed with blood cancer. I started this fundraiser to help me and my father through this difficult time.

This gofundme is to alleviate the worry of money, permitting me to focus on getting better and stronger to overcome this disease.

I want to start with what happened with my symptoms, then my diagnosis and the hell of being here in the hospital, and what any money raised would be used for. I want to be completely transparent and honest about how tough this has been and how concerned I am about my future, my health, and how I would get over this. I will be providing updates as time goes on if you want to keep in the know about my situation.

Before all this in 2022, I had universal symptoms throughout the year, but I spent 4 months drastically unwell prior to finally going to A&E. The entire time before I was admitted into the hospital, I had a prognosis with potential long covid, pneumonia, common illnesses that no one could have guessed would have turned into this nightmare. But it just never got better. I was struggling to breathe just having a conversation with someone, even nearly passed out during a heated debate I had.

It got to the point that I couldn’t even walk up a flight of stairs, couldn’t sleep, my voice changed and disappeared, along with a myriad of other symptoms that affected my day-to-day life. My need for sick days when it was at its worst, strained my relationships with my bosses at my workplaces which ultimately led to me being fired from each one and unable to find new work elsewhere. Along with not being able to attend college.

The night before I was admitted, I noticed my neck swelling.

I called 111, and they said to just check in with my GP at my next scheduled visit.

When I was admitted to a ward, I mentioned about being told to wait until my next visit to ask about the swelling in my neck, but the doctor said I wouldn't have even made it to that appointment. The timing of going when I did was fortunate considering I wouldn’t usually step foot in a hospital because of previous experiences with them. In fact, it was the very last thing I was willing to do and when I finally did, it was a dreaded and sobering thought to realise how close it could have been to being fatal. I needed to stop being so scared and go. So to me, my problems just began, as everything changed so drastically, but in reality, they began months ago and this was finally going to be a solution and it was going to get sorted, despite my fear. I am still trying to convince myself of that, I suppose.

So I went to A&E on the 7th of January with clots in my neck and major breathing issues. After a hellish near two months, it’s officially diagnosed as an aggressive primary mediastinal b-cell lymphoma.

The road to that diagnosis, however, was extremely long and difficult and made me question my constitution and mental fortitude. I was immediately put on steroids for the clot in my neck to keep it from travelling into my brain. There were so many medications that all the side effects hit me at once, and still are. So many times they needed to stab me with needles and give me cannulas and considering needles are my main fear, that alone was enough to reduce me to a withering mess.

The first biopsy I had, I genuinely thought I was going to suffocate. The doctor later said that in retrospect, they likely should have used a smaller tube, after they had to rip everything out of my swollen throat after I started to convulse. This led to four days of coughing up blood so I thought in retrospect, I was traumatised.

Then the second biopsy was needed, as the first sample wasn't enough. They went in through my ribs, and I thought the previous biopsy was traumatic, the second one left me genuinely thinking that no price, up to and including living, was worth this amount of suffering. Honestly, the most pain I've ever been in and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

why gfm...

Financially and mentally, my dad and I are a wreck. We have had an awful past five years full of grief, heartache, and being kicked by life while we were already down and not seeming to be able to catch any kind of a break. Our family should be named Murphy after how much that law has affected our lives. And then I start our 2023 with a bang of being diagnosed with the last thing you’d think would ever happen to you. Typical. This has obviously been very draining and has taken our sanity for a spin. And so, we are giving in and asking for help.

We are raising funds to make my recovery and home life just that little bit easier, along with helping me get back on my feet and start my new life afresh after I’m hopefully in remission.

Any money raised, if any, would go a long way to giving us reassurance that we are worthy to have the weight lifted off of other issues while we're going through this, and we don’t have to worry about paying off bills or IOU’s when I’m in the hospital and hopefully recovering in the next year. And eventually for the therapy both of us are going to need after this whirlwind of a time as we are not the same anymore.

To add to our stress and worries, we have an astounding credit bill to pay off, our poor cat Prince recently needed an expensive operation to fix his Achilles tendon that he somehow managed to slip out of place on the joint, which was £1.6k, and we got told our garden fence needed to be removed before it crashed into our neighbours home, which was another £4k on top of the previous charge that we already didn't have the money for. This altogether has put us back over 5k for things that just ‘happen’. That's not including fixing broken windows that have caused a mould problem in our house, which doesn't help with my already difficult time breathing.

All this has been happening while I've been ill with symptoms and out of work since September, and it's been distressing seeing the bills rise as my health declines, on top of my own personal IOUs to pay off which was the reason I was working more than two jobs at once before admission. Thankfully the friend I owe is more than patient and has been a great part of my support system, even helping me write this GFM but I feel guilty it's been so long.

We are way out of our depth and comfort zone as we don't usually see many people and interact with even fewer. The last time dealing with anything like this was when we were at the hospital 5 years ago when we watched my mother fall ill and wither away at the same place, passing at too young an age, but being here constantly reminds us of that and reopens old wounds. We’ve been extremely depressed and surviving each day since then but with a stubborn head held high. It was the only way we could keep going. But this has once again kicked us while we're down. It can be scary to broadcast all our most sensitive moments to the world since me and my dad are very private people, becoming even more closed off after losing mum, but we realised that at this point, we needed to reach out and get help from the community.

The money that would be donated would go to all aspects of the situation; the main one being bills and what I owe, then medication, therapy, home repairs, improving quality of life/comfort during the recovery process at home, and that includes decluttering the house and making it more accessible, put towards petrol for my dad to visit me when I'm an inpatient every other week, indoor cleaning where I'm unable from the mould problem from broken windows and getting me help after this with a therapist and psychiatrist.

Anything to make this at least six months, or god knows how long, recovery just the littlest bit easier.

It will ease the stress a lot while I recover knowing my future can be more secure than what it was before and what it looks like now.

Any other expenses would go into savings to help me after my recovery, like driving lessons and retaking my mechanics college course which I’ve unfortunately had to drop out of due to my illness.

Even if it’s not a donation, words of support mean just as much right now, but if you would like to donate even £5, £10 would make a difference for us. If you are unable to, I certainly understand and appreciate you anyway.

If you made it to the end of my tragic ramble, pat yourself on the back as it was exhausting to type it all, never mind read it all. I started it 2/3 weeks ago, but haven't had the energy or coherence to finish it till now. I just wanted to be completely transparent about what was going on, as not many people know our situation in person. I’m going to go nap now, chemo brain has made me more tired than usual, and I apologise if some parts of this gfm don't make sense, but I will post updates here of my progress regardless.

I appreciate any support you’re willing to give! Thank you!

edit 7/3: Thanks to everyone's altruism, we have hit the previous goal and because of that I have raised the limit from £1,000 to £3,000. I initially put £500 as I only expected to get a few donors, and I didn't want to be unrealistic or cheeky, but I am in shock and awe at how many people have donated, so with the new goal it will definitely solve the bill issue if we hit it. I left this edit here as I will leave the proper update section for how i'm doing medically. Thanks for your support.❤️