Trans woman in need of help during recovery

Hey, it’s Sienna. It all started last year.

All I can say is that it has been insane for the least. Honestly, I don’t even know if I can describe my journey with words. I escaped an abusive household to avoid suicide because I couldn’t live in a body that wasn’t my own after pretending for 17 years to escape the physical, psychological, and verbal harm I was put through the moment I started showing up to the world as Sienna and claiming my truth. Besides that, I moved 3 times within this 1.5 year period and in all honesty, as much as these places served as shelters, none felt like home. I have a bunny who’s name is Sherlock and who’s helped my mental health so much even though he adds to my overall budget. I wouldn’t trade him for the world because I promised to give him the love and the life he deserves without undergoing any sort of worry. During this period I got raped on 2 occasions; both in which the police and Justice system turned their blind eyes to. Healing from that has been a challenge of it’s own and has left me with wounds that still hurt and ptsd that I haven’t managed to get rid of.

I just had bottom surgery to survive as I conclude my transition (Sex reassignment surgery). Recovery has taken a toll on me and as much as mental support is needed, I’m struggling financially with housing, groceries, school, and I don’t have much time to heal in which I’m not stressed, overwhelmed, or anxious. My female hormones have affected my appetite and my emotions, I’ve gone days where I skipped meals because I already spent too much on food and felt guilty for being so hungry. At the moment, I’m on ei, but the money Im getting is minimal and so are my savings and it’s stressing me. Hopefully im going to recover in time to start my last year at vanier strong and healthy.

I’ve obviously had great moments and felt immense gender euphoria as I carried my gender transition from beginning to end and made great friends and memories which im beyond grateful for.

However, im at a point where I truthfully don’t know how much I can bare alone because every second day I have thoughts of self harm because living and being happy lately comes with more stress, self defeat, anxiety, pain, trauma, distress and fear then it does peace, positivity, strength, and hope to see another day. I even avoided paying for my pain killers post op because I’m financially insecure and worried.

I swear to god I’m trying to hold on for both myself and for everyone I’ve inspired during my journey. Any help is appreciated whether it’s mental support, financial support, or both. I really hope I make it and recover well. I’m trying. I really am. Thanks to anyone who read this far. I made this page because a friend of mine reminded me that being selfish isn’t always a bad thing, and that when you need help, you shouldn’t shy away from asking.

-That proud Greek trans woman u ask if you’ve seen on tiktok:) praying for the rainbow after the storm.