Pregnancy After Loss Support Group Fundraiser

Our son, Jude Wallace LeTard, finally made his way into our arms on September 23rd, 2018 after a long and ultimately unsuccessful labor. He was perfect in every way we could imagine, but the labor had unknowingly been too much stress on his body and he passed away in our arms three hours after he was born. The details of our story are messy and confusing. Over a year later, we still do not even understand what happened. I had a non emergent C section due to arrested labor. He was full term, structurally perfect and never showed any signs of distress during labor. Yet, once he was born, there was nothing that could be done to save his life. I have found that it has been impossibly hard for me to talk about my experience because people often don’t want to even acknowledge that something like this could happen. That you could go into labor naturally, do all of the things right, and still not get your baby. That you could lose a child with absolutely no real explanation. My husband and I left the hospital with empty arms and a gaping hole in our hearts. Everyone around us was bringing home healthy babies and we felt like we were the only people in the world who had failed to give our baby a chance at life.

I really cannot even describe how helpful it was for us both to join Full Circle’s Perinatal Loss Group, a free of charge group dedicated to bringing together families who have experienced late term pregnancy or infant losses. The group allowed me to see that we were not alone in our grief. It connected me with five other amazing women who served as my motivation to keep going. 

Shortly after finishing the 8 week group, my husband and I learned that we were pregnant with our second child a mere 6 months after giving birth to and losing Jude. To say we were terrified is an understatement. Would this happen again? Would some other terrible loss happen? Would I have a miscarriage or a stillbirth this time? Would people think we were trying to replace Jude? The very weak sense of stability that I had worked so hard to create in our perinatal loss group came crashing down. I found myself in a uniquely difficult position in which I realized that I was now a trigger to my group members that I had grown to rely upon heavily. I also found myself a trigger to myself and felt like I was back to square one with my loneliness. I didn't fit into a group of newly expecting moms. I didn’t fit into a group of loss moms. It felt like I didn’t fit anywhere. This is why I reached out to Full Circle to ask them to create a Pregnancy After Loss Group. There are no other groups like it in Richmond and the need is profound. A pregnancy after loss is not the same as any other pregnancy. It is full of unique fears and pain and families deserve to be connected with others who understand. 

I am now one month away from meeting our second son and I am thrilled to see that Full Circle is making my dream of a Pregnancy After Loss Group a reality. So, in order to honor Jude in the month before we meet his little brother, my husband and I have decided to raise as much money as we can to help Full Circle bring this group to life starting Jan 2020. Any size contribution big or small will help Full Circle and will honor all of the babies who lost their lives too soon. Thank you for reading my story and for contributing to this amazing organization.