Helping Us Start Fresh, Find Safety, and Heal

This year truly has been hell. I have been through a lot in my life, but this is breaking me.

I finally, fully realized that the man I spent 1/3 of my life with, the love of my life, is someone that is not good for me and filed a PO and then filed for divorce. I was told over and over don’t bother including the kids - the courts won’t find sufficient evidence to protect them. But I included them anyway and the judge granted it. We haven’t seen or spoken to their dad since 3/6. My heartbreak is absolutely devastating. I’ve been struggling to eat and started to lose weight. Having to support three young children through my heartbreak and stress while they’re feeling joyous and carefree and fully themselves is yet another injury I was not prepared to endure.

The world doesn’t stop even though your heart feels like it’s been ripped from your chest. School, work, maintaining a household, social engagements, appointments….I found out I’m a medical mystery and cried the entire hour drive to my dad’s to pick the kids up after one of my follow-up appointments.

I just…..want peace. I’m tired of crying every day by myself. I’m tired of feeling like I’m burdening my support system because my needs are so heavy right now. I’m exhausted by missing and loving somebody that chose not to love me no matter how hard I tried.

Instead of using my part-time job to for my pre-reqs to go back to school and earn my master’s in dietetics, I am now scrambling to afford to support a family of 4 and our pets. I am borrowing money for legal fees, but I can’t borrow much more and I’m scared I won’t have my lawyer for the protective order hearing or for my divorce case much longer. My attorney has also been helping guide me through a civil case with the county that my spouse has left me to deal with despite his actions alone being the cause for the lawsuit. Without her counsel, I am not sure what I would have done.

I have weathered financial abuse, sexual abuse, emotional and mental abuse, and physical abuse over the years. I was turned down by the three legal aid groups available in my area.

My goal is to get through these legal cases and relocate closer to work so I can work full-time and get the kids into a better school district. I still hope to go back to school, but unfortunately have to put that on the back burner for the time being. I want to get back on my feet and independent again as soon as I possibly can.