Prudence's C Journey

I am Prudence McDaniel, cellist of the Marian Anderson String Quartet for the past 14 years and orchestral musician and free-lancer for 20 years before that. I teach 25 of the most delightful and precious cello students that anyone could desire. I also teach 3 great classes at a college where I live. My life has been truly blessed in that I have lived in a time when I, as an African-American woman, could achieve anything I wanted. Support and access has always been granted to me, and when it wasn't I grew and thrived anyway.

For me, cancer was something that happened in other families until my sister was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer 10 years ago. She lost that battle 8 years ago. So last July when an "egg" showed up in the side of my left breast, there was that "uh oh" feeling. I had to get a primary care physician who was in network because my previous PCP doctor, who is fabulous, didn't take my insurance and I knew that I was going to need someone in network. So when I got confirmation of the biopsy as malignant 2 weeks ago, I wasn't completely shocked. I KNEW. And yet, I can't even begin to describe how life altering two words can be - "it's malignant" - shook me to the core of my being. Discovering a week later after several more tests that the type of cancer was triple negative invasive carcinoma (high-grade) was another blow. Let's just say this isn't a very friendly cancer. It loves to travel and is highly malignant. It is frequently described as being "aggressive". 
 
I am about to undergo a lumpectomy in 4 days. The challenge with surgery is that the cancer made me hypercoagulative so I have pulmonary embolisms in my lungs and must balance surgery with blood thinner issues. Can't anything be simple???

So, as you can guess, there is a tremendous amount that I am leaving out. It isn't possible to describe how many decisions and choices and conversations must be made and had. Everything moves so fast that there is, actually, barely time to think let alone feel. Being single at a time like this has made me realize one of the many values of having a spouse who has your back and takes over the day to day things is, so you can focus on the cancer decisions you must make: what type of surgery do I need/want; should or should I not have a 2nd opinion; is there time for it; what risks are involved in not getting one vs. waiting; how am I going to keep a roof over my head if I can't work; who's going to be with me when I get out of surgery; have I paid enough of a previous bill so they'll even let me have the surgery ... it just goes on and on.  And each thing isn't just a thought - it is a to do, and for most of it, no one else can, actually, help. In my case, I learned that much can be accomplished in 3 days. You are EXHAUSTED, but you can change your world in a moment if you have to.

BUT, there is more good news in realizing I have an amazing family, both blood and life, and friends who are tremendous in their support. If there is a "why" to this, I believe it is to show me how deeply and truly loved and appreciated I really am. So, THANK YOU everyone for being the amazing and loving people you are. I love you heart and soul, and am so very grateful that you are in my corner and with me on this journey.

At this moment, I am hostess to a toxic visitor that does not want to leave just because I have asked nicely. (And I did ask nicely...) So, it's time to suit up and it's GAME ON!

(Update January 10, 2017: We found it early and it hadn't invaded the lobules, ducts or vascular system. YAY!!!! BUT, wow, was it aggressive! Between September 29th when we did the biopsy and October 19th (21 days) when we had surgery, the tumor grew from 2.9 cm to 8.5 x 6.0 x 5.0 cm. The miracle and blessing was that the tumor was still completely self-contained and was removed completely with clean margins. We did discover from surgery that the sentinel lymph node had been infiltrated. Subsequently, when we did the PET scan 5 weeks after surgery on November 12th, 2 more lymph nodes had been affected, but it was not found anywhere else in my body. [Double, Triple, and Quadruple YAY!!!!!!!] Chemo treatments began 2 days after the scan and I am now about to have the 4th [and hopefully final] chemo treatment on January 18th. If all is well and I am not glowing anywhere on the next PET scan, then we will dive into the radiation protocol. That's 5 days a week for 6 weeks. Because of the...challenges... with my insurance company and their policies, and odd circumstances, I have to travel to the Houston area [2 hrs. each way] for these treatments. I am actually a very private and proud person. I worked to keep this off of social media, but because of the difficulty of maintaining energy levels, and the fact that just going for follow-up doctor's appointments and lab work is almost a full time job, I have had to reduce my teaching load drastically [no teaching college courses this semester and 2 instructors are working with 15 of my 25 private students], and I find that I may need more assistance than that which has already been so generously given. Please feel free to read my journal entries and leave me whatever messages, pearls of wisdom, and assistance you are moved to share. Thank you! And may we all find well being, good health, peace, happiness, and moments of unbridled joy in 2017!)


Thank you for reading.