Help to start a new life - A second chance

I am feeling so small and broken because my life has been affected in a way I never expected, financial hardship, and the loss of many close relationships. The power of my family's generational disease and traumas have destroyed many lives and have negatively affected mine as well. I now understand how strong my family disease is and how it has caused a lot of traumas in my body, mind, and spirit.

One of the hardest things for me to do is ask for help. I have always been the one helping others but this time I am the one needing help. I helped my dad to pay his hospital bills, and for his funeral when he died. I also helped my mother financially after her second divorce.

I am an IT consultant, project manager and leader at big corporations (32 years in a corporate career). While this corporate career path helped me advance professionally, I realized over time my life was not fulfilling. It was hard to notice my inner damage, because emotional pain, illness and burnout became the norm. After years of feeling empty, experiencing deep sadness, no motivation and withdrawing from life, the need arose to explore inner healing more deeply and find solutions for my well-being. This began the journey to heal my family's traumas and diseases.

I began working with a therapist, but this caused more depression and trauma. This is when my life began falling apart in 2016.

The call to deepen my spiritual journey, healing and the search for life balance landed me in India in 2016, where I first experienced the healing benefits of yoga, meditation, music and spirituality. In 2017, I quit my corporate job and sold my house. The next four years were spent in India and Bali, focused on healing and resting from corporate burn-out.

I was born as Raiza Fernandez, and during my healing journey I was blessed with the spiritual name of Ritvika Radha Devi by my spiritual healers and teachers.

My successful career enabled me to provide financial stability for my son and that led to his own success as an attorney. I worked hard to give my son what I did not have. As life continued my health deteriorated and the pain compounded from my Complex Post Trauma Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) which was caused by multiple traumas from my family's alcoholism, neglect, violence, abuse, divorce, and my over-demanding jobs.

I lost my job, house, relationships, and financial stability, and I decided to take a break to heal and to create a different life outside abuse and violence, but the truth is that I found more abuse and violence because my family wounds were not healed yet.

I also tried to find support and understanding from my mother, but she could not give me what I was needing to heal either. She was the first-person suffering abuse and violence her whole life and that created a deadly and horrible cancer that killed her. I am carrying the shame of not being there for my mother when she died because I was still sick and trying to heal. My dad also died from alcohol abuse and never was able to deal with his internal pain and suffering. The spirit of alcohol affected his liver until he died.

I truly thought that by working hard and trying to heal what my parents could not, my life would be better, but things didn't work out the way I dreamed it could be. My life broke completely into pieces; I lost my family, many friends, and worst of all my relationship with my son. He among others did not understand the extreme depth of pain, hurt, and the long and intense path of healing that it will take to become whole again.

The 4.5 years that I spent healing and not working caused a huge amount of debt and a big gap in my corporate career. I had a good job last year but the project ended, and I have not been able to find a job yet. That job was also extremely demanding and I want to avoid another big burn-out. I know in my heart, all these hard events are happening for a reason to help me start a new life that is aligned with a higher purpose and to continue my healing journey. That higher purpose is to help any vulnerable woman or man who had experienced abuse and trauma, and the name of that project is 11 Doors for Life.

At this point, I am in deep need of financial support to pay my rent, bankruptcy lawyer, medical expenses, relocation and to continue my healing journey. I am grateful for all the support you can give to me and my dog to start a better life from here. I believe God has a plan for me to live a different life outside of an alcoholic and abusive family. I want to believe that one day I will be able to help others also trying to heal. With your help and support I will continue working to achieve a better life that I dream of. I am committed to heal and to continue my journey of healing.

I am alone with my dog carrying all the weight to go through this life and financial hardship and your support will bless our life for a new beginning and a second chance.

Thank you for reading my story and for blessing me with monetary support.