Raj, Running and Ruminating grief

Growing up I was more of a mathlete then an athlete. And to be fair this conformed with the stereotype and representations of brown Asian women in society so it made sense. But imagine telling 18-year-old Jemina that in 2024 she will be running her first marathon, in London no less. The place she was born and grew up. I didn’t get in through the ballot and in fact was lucky enough to get a spot through the She runs community (Insta sheRUNS read about Nazrin https://www.tcslondonmarathon.com/training/training-hub/meet-the-women-making-running-a-more-inclusive-space). This space aims to make running more inclusive of Muslim and/or Asian runners. This place meant I just paid my fee to run the marathon but there was no charity place or money to be raised.

As training has progressed and the voices in my head have gotten louder, I came to the realisation I wanted to raise money. Not for a charity but a group of people that came to my aid in my hour of need, using the tool (running) that has helped me in my time of need.

Some of you know and some of you don’t my sister, Rajeshri, passed away on 2nd October 2023. She died from metastatic breast cancer that she was diagnosed with in November 2022. Stay with me if you will while I tell you about Raj and my running. I started running during covid. I worked my way up to a half marathon and signed up to do the Cambridge Half Marathon. On race day as I was running there was a band playing Tarrus Riley, She’s Royal, this was absolutely Raj’s song. I couldn't believe I was hearing it in the middle of Cambridge on my run! The person who could not be prouder of me was my sister Raj. She was so excited about me running it and insisted on being there at the finish line. She was, and she told anyone who cared to listen. That was March 2022. I ran the Cambridge Half in 2023 and even though Raj had been told she would not make it pass Christmas 2022, my big sister Raj, met me at the finish line and I could not believe how lucky I was to run this and for her to be there for me. I did Cambridge half in 2024. I didn’t allow anyone to come because my biggest fan was gone. Instead, I ran with Raj the whole way round. We played Tarrus Riley at Raj’s funeral. https://open.spotify.com/track/6dFOwtd9iBMERardJvsIxY?si=5f0059303a0545e5

Listen to it. I really do want her in my life.

Raj was home for one day and needed specialist care. We had the district nurses come to give her, her medication. And they didn’t just give her medication, they came to us when we were desperate at 4am, they came to us when their shift ended an hour ago, they came to us and showed up in a way that restores your faith in humanity. These strangers, were now kin. They came back to hold me when I cried at the door knowing where this story was going. The last lady that came counselled me that we were approaching the end. She told me to contact our funeral directors and she prepared me for the inevitable that I refused to acknowledge.

Raj died at home, where she wanted to be. As I told everyone at Raj’s funeral the Earth mourned for our loss, the way the sky pealed with thunder… Raj ended in a blaze of glory. I know I would love for there to be a cure. I know cancer research is so sexy (and worthy), but I just want to buy these women a coffee machine, help organise a lovely space for them, because when you deal with this sort of grief and still go over and above, I personally think you deserve the world. Instead, I’m hoping to raise funds to make their lives easier, to let them know that now I have the strength maybe I can hold them.

If you’ve stayed till the end my running has absolutely helped with the the process of her dying and the grief. I’m hoping to run this marathon raising money for the Brent District Nurses. I would appreciate anything that you would like to contribute towards this fundraiser.

I plan to run London 2024 and feel the presence of Raj, to talk to her and say I will stay this hardship because I do not know how you suffered to be at the finish of Cambridge Half 2023.