Remembering Judi: Estate and Memorial Aid

Hi, my name is Will.

My mother is Judi, the person you see pictured here from a photo taken in March 2002. On her birthday, May 27, 2024, she was rushed to the hospital where we discovered she had cancer (we would later discover it was uterine cancer that had metastasized to her colon; we would find out still later that it was ovarian cancer). Mom had emergency surgery that removed part of her colon and the cancer that had spread from her uterus, however, a gynecological oncologist was not available so the main cancer mass was left in place. Mom wanted to start treatment as soon as possible, so she agreed to have a port placement operation done with the expectation that she would be able to start her chemotherapy as soon as she was discharged (presumably in less than a week from admission). During the port placement procedure she aspirated. She was immediately intubated and admitted to the ICU. She was on a ventilator for 11 days, after being extubated she developed severe pneumonia, and she faced a number of other challenges. All told, she was in the hospital until July 9, 2024; over six weeks.

She was discharged to a skilled nursing facility because she needed physical therapy to overcome her extended hospital stay and the muscle atrophy it caused. She was informed by her gynecological oncologist that she needed to walk before she could receive chemotherapy. She wanted to fight, and she tried for many weeks. I fought her insurance, UHC Medicare Advantage, as they attempted to discharge her after only three weeks. We won ten appeals which covered her care through September 6th. We lost the 11th appeal and the reconsideration, and she was forced onto Medicaid as there was no practical way to bring her home (as our home was not wheelchair accessible). We finally met with the gynecological oncologist again in mid-October, and we were able to convince them to allow mom to proceed with chemotherapy despite still being wheelchair bound. After a number of false-starts, she finally got her port placement on November 8, 2024. Because of the fear of aspiration, she chose to be awake during the procedure, and she got through it perfectly. Unfortunately, she began to decline cognitively for an unknown reason. We rushed her back to a hospital on November 9, where after some fluids, she returned to normal rapidly, but she was not admitted. A few days later, she declined again and was taken back to the hospital on November 13. This time fluids did not restore her to normal, and she was admitted. Over the next week, we learned that the cancer had re-spread back to her colon, that she was malnourished because of the extreme nausea she had had since her birthday (because of the ovarian cancer), that her Afib was getting worse, and that she had developed severe pneumonia again. This time, it was simply too much for her to handle all at once, and she passed away on November 20 at 11:50 AM (eight days prior to Thanksgiving).

My father, Judi's husband, Bill, passed away on July 4, 2005 when I was 29. Since that time, I've paid the mortgage and a number of other bills to support my mom. I've lived with her basically non-stop since my father died, and I put my career aspirations on hold to make sure she was taken care of as best as I could manage. We never resolved my father's estate, but we finally refinanced the mortgage on the house in 2017. At this point, I put the house in both of our names (50/50) as it felt wrong to not put her on the home we'd lived in since as early as 1989. Unfortunately, this put the home (or her half of it) within reach of creditors, and also within reach of Medicaid.

This GoFundMe is covering a number of issues with settling her estate, taking care of her and dad's final resting place and funding a memorial service for mom. The lawyers I'm working with to help with the probate estimate it could cost between $4,000-5,000 and take anywhere from six months to a year to resolve. I'm uncertain what Medicaid will be going after, but we're already seeing medical debt finally showing up from her initial May 27 hospital trip, and for just the one day it's looking to be $2,100 for one doctor. We never buried dad, his urn has sat in our living room since he passed away, and I'd like to find a way to get them buried together now they they're both together at last in heaven. The amount listed here is to try and save the house I've almost paid off (only seven years left until it's finally paid off) from creditors, get it in my name, settle any debts that try to go after the house, fund a memorial for mom, and finally get mom and dad buried together. Anything will help, but I know it's a large ask covering a lot of different but intertwined issues. Thank you!