Restore home & life following dv

Hi, I’m Charles. 6 months ago, I left my husband following almost 2 decades of abuse. In the lead up to, and after me leaving him, he lied about paying the rent. Our tenancy is only in my name due to our history of domestic violence, so it’s only in my name and I have to pay off all the debt on my own. I am also being told he created council tax debts too.

He also started new contracts for our WiFi in my name without my permission, getting me in a further £166 of debt. During our relationship, there was also a lot of debt acquired in my name.

I am very unwell. I was hospitalised, due to my conditions, from January to February and again in March. This wasn’t enough to stop the abuse.

Whilst I was sick, before our separation, he allowed our house to become badly damaged, over cluttered and no longer wheelchair accessible, leaving me stuck in bed. On top of this, I have two autistic children. One of them also has a psychotic disorder and he has caused significant damage to the home, which means, amongst other things, I need to replace 4 internal doors and 2 hallway cupboard doors.

My house is full of black mold and remains over-cluttered. The same was allowed to happen to our back garden. Since I became stuck in bed 24/7, it has all fallen apart. I have been asking my housing officer to give me more time since last year. Whilst my husband was being friendly. I made the mistake of giving him my last £300 to clear out the house and garden. He now won’t do the job or return the money. I appreciate how naive this was but domestic abuse is a powerful form of brain wasnkng.

i was doing a post-graduate research degree but his abuse was so significant. I ended up in a psych unit and my degree was ruined. During this period I became significantly ill, including with an eating disorder and was then drugged with sedating drugs for 6 months so that he could carry out an affair with a young woman, younger than our eldest child. I want the life back that he stole from me, so I want to return to university.

i also want to focus on my health more and would like to start swimming with the aid of leg floats, amongst other social activities. However, I have CVS and severe epilepsy, amongst other conditions and I require the support from another person. I was in receipt of direct payments to pay for carers until a few years ago when he stole £3k of my direct payments, along with another affair, and this stopped me from having carers.

I am hoping to begin volunteering with domestic abuse charities as a way to both recover myself and support other domestic abuse victims.

I now need to pay off debts that were accrued in my name, clear out and redecorate my house (which needs repainting and new flooring throughout, amongst other things), clear out my garden and try to rebuild my life. Two decades have been stolen from me, and i have ended up having to deal with many issues. All 3 of my kids, who are young adults but largely dependent, have disabilities. They need support accesssing groups and things, rely on Ubers, and also need their rooms redecorated, including flooring, curtains, re-painted walls, and some replacement furniture.

We’ve been through a lot, between the abuse, separation, and my poor health, which nearly led to the end of my life in March. It’s time we started to feel liberated rather than like we’ve exchanged one set of issues for another.

As well as the GFM, I’ve also created an Amazon wish list. Many of these items would just be nice to have. But many are essential. Any help at all could make a massive difference to our lives. Amazon wish list

thank you for reading x