Returning Trevor Reis Singleton to his Home

On NYE my beautiful, bright, gentle son passed away. He was 34 years old and I loved him. I need desperately to get his ashes up to Alaska, to all the places he loved and the last place he felt normal and at peace. (Travel costs are much more than I expected ($2000 just for the rental car!) and I am pretty low on funds. The cost of his cremation and other expenses are also higher than I anticipated. Kalieh and I greatly appreciate any help you can give).

As a child, he was the one who cared about everyone’s feelings and was so kind-hearted. We lived in Alaska and he was 100% an Alaskan. We were very active during the summers and he loved camping and fishing and exploring. He could disassemble and reassemble anything mechanical. I watched him every day trying to figure out what he was interested in so that I could encourage him and supply him with challenging activities. His favorite thing to do though was to build. He built a giant fort in our backyard, made up of discarded wood from a nearby construction site. One day his dad said to him “You really like building, maybe one day you could own a construction company like your uncle”. Trev thought about it for a minute and replied “Nah, I just want to be the guy hammering the nails”. That pretty much sums him up. He never wanted grandeur or anything over the top, he just wanted to be the guy hammering the nails. I never have known a person more wanting to work, and not needing any praise to do so.

When Trev was around 14 we moved from Alaska to Washington. Soon after that we began having the first clues to what was ahead. He became agitated and restless and withdrawn.

As time progressed it was obvious something was seriously wrong. By 19 he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and all our lives changed forever.

Kail and I used to say that the Trevor we knew and loved was gone and that we had to learn to love the new version of him that we now had. I know he had changed, but the sweet boy I loved was still in there. Somedays, when he was particularly troubled and I was at my wit’s end, he would somehow come out of his hell to say “I’m still here Mama, I’m still your boy”.

Alaska was the last place he felt normal and comfortable and he was always desperate to find a way to get back up there. I have to admit I didn’t encourage or support him much in this because it is very cold up there and my heart would break to think of him being homeless and hungry. Now I know why he wanted so badly to go there. He believed that by getting back up there, his life would get better and that he could feel normal again. I wish I had understood this sooner.

What I need to do now is get his ashes back up to Alaska and all the places he loved the best. All the places where he felt hopeful, optimistic, comfortable and at peace.

I’ve been unemployed for over a year and funds are getting pretty low and I find that I can’t afford the trip costs to get his ashes to all the places he loved. With Kail still in school, she too is experiencing low funds. We are asking for help from you, our friends and would be so appreciative of any help you can provide.